It’s a helpless, frustrating feeling that consumes your mind. Ravages your heart. Steals your sleep. You desperately want to save your marriage, but you don’t know how.

Or even if it’s possible.

Especially when your spouse says repeatedly that it’s over. He gets furious when you try to talk about it. Sometimes he yells it, other times he displays no emotion, but the message is always the same, “You’re making it worse and driving me to leave faster when you try to do anything to save our marriage.”

The person that you love, who once so deeply loved you, now treats you as if you are the enemy. You long for any sign of affection; a hug, a smile, even a kind word. You pray that it will be once again what it once was. You ache in a way you cannot explain, a pain that never subsides during the day and that wakes you at night.

If you can fall asleep at all.

You want to save your marriage. You constantly worry, “What can I do? Can I say the right thing or find some miracle that will save my marriage? I know I was told to stop trying, but I don’t want to give up…”

What makes it worse is that the departing spouse is right when she says that your trying to save the marriage pushes her away. It usually does. She will get more aggravated with you, become meaner in what she says, and find a faster way out if you keep trying.

Does that mean there is no hope? Should you give up and accept that it’s over?

No.

“Well,”you might be thinking, “if there is hope and I shouldn’t accept it’s over, are there magic words, some amazing thing that I can do that will suddenly and miraculously change my mates’mind?”

No.

Did I just contradict myself?

Allow me to explain.

What Won’t Work

 

1. Giving Up

You can give up. Some of your friends, maybe even your counselor, may tell you that’s exactly what you should do. Though I spend my life helping people salvage what others consider unsalvageable marriages, even I agree that there is a time to accept the inevitable and start moving on with your life. If your spouse leaves you and moves on, there can definitely come a time to accept that your marriage is over and find the path to a different life and a new relationship.

However, in my experience working with couples, giving up usually occurs far too early. There is a definite consequence when you accept that it’s over and emotionally, mentally, and physically disconnect from your spouse. That won’t bring him or her back to you.

2. Clinging and Begging

You can push harder, demand, cling, beg, and do all sorts of things to pressure your spouse to stay. Most people tend to do that because they love so deeply and desperately want to save their marriages.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work.

In actuality, it drives the other person from you even faster. Think of it this way, attraction draws people together, repulsion drives them apart. No one is attractive when he or she falls apart emotionally, cries, whines, or begs. While human compassion generally drives us toward helping a person in pain, it also drives us away from a person whose pain is caused by us when we have no intention of stopping the action causing the pain.

Though the emotions you feel that lead you to these actions are powerful, they are ineffective in helping you save your marriage.

3. Allowing Yourself to Be Manipulated

You can give in to all your spouse’s demands and let him or her determine the path you follow. I see it regularly with spouses who refuse to seek help or who yields to every demand because the departing spouse becomes angrier or threatens to take the children or bring about financial penalties. Somehow the mate longing to save the marriage buys into the idea that if they just go along with everything, the departing spouse will come to his or her senses and renew the marriage.

It doesn’t work.

The manipulation through anger or threats serves the purpose of freezing you into inaction so that the departing spouse can get do things to leave with the least amount of difficulty.

What Will Work

1. Hang in There a Little Longer

My experience over twenty years with thousands of couples tells me that most people who give up do it too soon. I don’t blame them for reaching a point of pain where they simply don’t want to go any further. Yet, I’ve witnessed the success of those who hung on a little longer…but that success came only if they did the right things. In other words, staying just to stay may have a positive effect, but staying and doing the right things has a far greater chance of saving your marriage.

2. Work on the PIES

No, not literal pie. PIES. In my book The Art of Falling in Love I explain them more thoroughly.

P = physical

I = intellectual

E = emotional

S = spiritual

Those are the four general ways that we are attracted to another person.

Physically attractive is easy enough to understand.

Intellectual attraction means that we have enough in common that we understand each other, but also that we stimulate each other’s minds.

Emotional attraction happens when a person does things that evoke emotions within us that we enjoy feeling. They make us laugh, feel special, feel safe, or any other emotion that we enjoy.

Spiritual attraction doesn’t mean specifically religion but the beliefs and values that a person holds. Unless we are rebelling in some fashion, we tend to be drawn toward people we perceive as having beliefs and values similar to ours or that we perceive as better than ours. (When rebelling or “acting out”that tends to be just the opposite.

Rather than begging or whining, get to work on yourself.

It doesn’t matter what age you are or what body type you have, your spouse was attracted to you physically at one time, so make yourself as physically attractive as you can at your age and situation in life. You can’t be 21 again if your 42, but you can be the best 42 year old you can be.

Stimulate your mind by finding new ways to learn. Take a class. Get in a book club. Read the magazines that honestly make you think and expand your mind (maybe one specific to an interest such as science or culture, etc.). When you talk with your spouse, rather than talking about your problems, engage him or her in discussions that involve both your minds. (This means you are not in any way talking about marriage or relationships, or you may find your spouse doesn’t want to be in the discussion.)

Remember what you did that evoked positive emotions in your spouse and do those again. However, do NOT do anything that you feel he or she may see as manipulative. (Don’t bring flowers to her if she wants to leave you; that will backfire.) For example, if he used to like walking with you, ask him to go for a walk with a casual promise that you won’t bring up anything about your problems: It’s just a walk.

Live up to your spiritual state from the time in your life when you best liked what you believed and valued. Don’t parade it. Simply be the best you that you’ve ever been.

3. Be as Understanding and Accepting as You Can Be

The key to love is acceptance. When a person feels accepted as he or she really is –rather than having to live up to someone else’s expectations –they feel truly loved. Unfortunately, your spouse’s wanting to leave is something that you don’t accept. Nevertheless, if you can accept what he or she feels without arguing or explaining the error of those feelings, you can begin to develop relationship again.

I witnessed a wife do this so effectively as her husband make his plans to depart to be with his lover that he came to the point of telling me that the only two people who understood him were his lover and his wife. He said that his wife was becoming his best friend because he could talk with her about anything…including his desire to be with his lover.

Admittedly, that’s a VERY tough thing to do on the part of the wife. However, it worked. Her amazing strength in accepting him, though she never indicated any acceptance for his adultery, brought him back into relationship with her. He ended his affair, asked and received his wife’s forgiveness, and together they made their marriage good again.

Bonus: Be Willing to Forgive and Learn to Love Again

For many years I’ve personally witnessed people doing the things above and those actions led their spouses to return to their marriages. That didn’t immediately solve all their problems; they had more to do to make their marriage what it should be. It’s a process, not a magic pill. However, the process works if you love enough to do what it takes to change the course of your spouse’s intentions.

Will the things I suggest above always work? We both know that it does not. It works most of the time. How can you make it work for you?

What Can You Do Now?

Whatever issue your marriage is facing, it did not occur overnight. And in a short article, I cannot explain all the nuances of the points above that have evolved over time in your marriage. But I can offer you this: hope.

No matter the situation, I have seen many, many people save their marriage from the most dire of circumstances. What set these people apart from those who headed towards destruction? They had hope, and their hope propelled them to do all the right things to save the marriage.

If you wish to know more, and are willing to do what it takes to salvage your marriage, I offer two courses of action. The first is for those whose spouse is having an affair. Click here to find what we offer to help you.

The second is for everyone, and is the most effective thing I’ve ever encountered for salving seemingly unsalvageable marriages. It’s our intensive three-day workshop for marriages in trouble. We can help you save your marriage even in cases of infidelity, loss of trust, anger, sexual problems, and other issues. (If you’re thinking your spouse would never come, contact us by phone or the form below and we’ll tell you what others who felt the same way did to get their spouses there.) We will keep everything you tell us completely confidential. Our motivation is to help you determine if this workshop is right for you and your particular situation.

The best option is our Marriage Helper 911 workshop. But if you and your spouse cannot attend a Marriage Helper 911 weekend or your spouse refuses to get any marriage help, there is still hope. Check out our Save My Marriage Course – where you’ll learn how to bring your spouse back to the marriage. Click the banner below to find out more about it.

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51 thoughts on “7 Ways To Save Your Marriage If Your Spouse Wants Out

  • January 6, 2015 at 4:30 pm
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    My husband is absolutely adamant that he will not return. He is in the midst of a really strong mid-life crises and I believe he views me as too old for him, even though I look younger in the face and take care of myself. He has filed and got angry with me because I did not accept his “terms.” He wants to find someone else younger than me (I am 4 years older). Is there any hope that he will “wake-up” to what he is doing?

    Reply
    • June 30, 2017 at 10:20 pm
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      Oh my goodness I am going thru a lot of that as well n thank you for sharing that because I feel very alone

      Reply
  • February 24, 2015 at 5:51 pm
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    I’m so confused..my husband moved out at the beginning of January, after about a week I found out that he was having an emotional affair…he told me he loved us both and then later stated that he loves me but is not in love with me. We have been together for seventeen years with two older children. He still contacts the woman via text messages but has no other contact..that he says..and swears the texts are seldom just to see how she is..of course I told him all communication needs to stop for both of our sakes. I have been understanding the entire time..I realize that I contributed to our problems. I am the person he talks to about his feelings for me and he other woman. He keeps suggesting that we get back together but says he’s afraid our relationship will go back to the way it was. He has been put on antidepressant and antianxiety medications. He continues to waver in what he wants..he calls, texts and comes to the house all the time. I have been working on the PIES and it seems to be working but battling the depression with all of this is wearing me out. Is there anything that I can do or will this pass.. He had always been somewhat of a pessimist but now is a lot worse. I have no idea what to do..still very much in love with him and want our marriage to work but have no clue what else to do

    Reply
    • January 27, 2017 at 5:31 pm
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      This is my exact situation I would love to know how she handled things?

      Reply
    • May 13, 2017 at 4:13 pm
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      I’m crying as I read your story I’m a 40 year old man who had a wife and 5 beautiful children I know what you’re going through as I’m going through all of that at this very moment I’m not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me as I am the one that has caused this I was chatting with a lady online for a couple of days it spiraled out of control like a fairytale my wife seen these messages and now has chosen to end this marriage I am so desperately trying to save this marriage I’m lost for words my mind is gone my soul is empty and my heart is broke shattered I could only imagine how she’s feeling she is trying to be civil to me about the kids she talks to me she came over to a my cabin last night with the kids and we had a game night I don’t want to read too far into this as if my heart is shattered I’ve just tried and devastated my family and I’m looking for advice from anybody to the do’s and don’ts to try and save this relationship I want to save it and she doesn’t I’m sorry to bother you with my problems with that sometimes talking to a complete stranger is the best thing to do

      Reply
      • September 2, 2017 at 1:13 pm
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        It hurts my heart to read this, knowing exactly how you feel. I wish I had some amazing relationship changing advice, but unfortunately I am in the same boat. I do, however, wish you the very best and I hope your wife has a change of heart. Just remember to keep putting one foot in front of the other even though all you want to do is crumble.

        Reply
  • May 9, 2015 at 5:17 am
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    This sounds like good advice, but VERY VERY Difficult to do. Every time I talk to my wife about our sexless marriage I just immediately break down and sob – the physical discomfort and the emotional hurt is SO great I just cannot speak about it rationally.

    But unlike all the other causes of marriage strife, lack of sex brings up a HUGE and immediate issue that never seems to get addressed. That is, while I am ‘hanging in there’, what in the heck do I do to meet my intense sex need (which gets worse every day) in the meantime? And what does ‘while longer’ mean? I’ve been waiting (and praying) for a VERY VERY VERY Long time.

    What do you do when you are at the very end of your rope, except BEG? It might not work, but what WILL?

    Reply
  • December 17, 2015 at 10:10 pm
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    Keith, there is nothing to do when a spouse is a chronic refuser. Other than Joe Beam, no preacher anywhere will ever talk about this. The only thing you can do tell her that she has a time limit to address the issue or you will leave. She honestly does not think she is sinning so anything else is ineffective.

    Reply
  • January 28, 2016 at 1:28 am
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    Hello, I am 37 and have been with my wife for 18 years. We have a 5 year old daughter. Like most people, we have had ups and downs throughout…
    My wife has recently said she is leaving. We had been having some arguments and uncomfortable scenarios for a little while. To be truthful, I have had a difficult time with work related issues – trying to find and keep enough clients to keep a fledgling single man firm running – …
    The thought of her leaving has devastated me and taken me by surprise. I thought we were reasonably comfortable and there was some light at the end of the tunnel beginning to appear for my work. To my wife, there was an apparent build up of things that have made her question if she is still in love with me. She is obviously very angry and frustrated with me. This has only come to a head in the last week or so.
    I love my wife and daughter with all that I am, and cannot imagine myself without them. I am feeling so desperate to figure things out. In the first day or two I was trying to rationalise her grievance. She just seemed so angry. Furious like I’ve never seen… I started making a list of the things I might do or perhaps not do that would make her upset. That list is a terrible one.
    I am not violent and do not drink or smoke etc, but I am ashamed that I have not contributed as much as I should have. I have a tendency to be loud when arguing, I haven’t helped as much as should, ashamedly I have burdened her with my work issues, and worst of all, I can see that whilst I truly do love her, I have wasted the opportunities to treat her with the respect and unselfishness that would have proven that love. I can see that it hasn’t necessarily been big things but a build up of little things that have driven her to a point where she will not accept more. I do not know why I was so stupid to ignore these aspects as I can see so many instances now upon reflection. I can see she has a right to be angry and I am so sorry I have said I love you but haven’t shown it enough with my actions. I do not know how to make this better. I have been trying to correct the aspects I recognised within myself. She still seems to want to leave. We have a very loving little girl and in some fairness I have been a very good father but a not so thoughtful husband. I just want to be able to make it up to her and am so desperate I don’t know where to turn. I am devastated beyond a point that I thought existed.
    Any genuine advice would be appreciated.
    Sincerely.

    Reply
    • July 9, 2016 at 1:11 am
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      Man this is the same thing I’m going through I have Do you have been with her for 18yrs don’t know what to do. Do you have any advice for me it looks like it been awhile since you have had your problems mine are so close to the same not doing the little things not helping enough not having the income I should t lo to my type of job. I am so hurt that I have been trying my hardest to fix this it only pushes her away would love to know how it turned out for you.

      Reply
    • December 14, 2016 at 3:17 pm
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      How blessed your wife that you love here so much. I am hoping my husband will love me the same way you did… but I cannot see it according to his action it’s been two weeks now that I am imotionally abuse so hurt… I did everything to fix our problems and I begging him many times that it is enough but he more harden his heart. I sorry to him many times even do I not really understand why he is the one angry after he play games with my heart and make me stupid…. I have any idea at all about many things he done for me and I really appreciate and thankful that he want me to be happy but it hurts badly that in the end of that he just play games with again then the saddest thing is it is all my fault… I love him so much besides of all the judgements, criticism and threats I got from him.. as long as I can I don’t let any hurts and bitterness and hurt to be above all my love for him. I always forgive him even he not ask for it and I never keep any records of wrongs… and pray that soon everything will be ok for both of us I only wait for him…

      Reply
      • December 14, 2016 at 3:21 pm
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        I mean of I don’t have any idea

        Reply
      • October 9, 2017 at 9:47 pm
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        I too feel that way. I had been flirtatious and kissed another outside our marriage. And two time before our marriage I was been flirtatious then as well so I understand why he wants to divorce me. But we married… should be new beginnings. What’s in the past should lay in the past. And we agreed for better or for worse. He said at one point he still loved me and has love for me and today he says he has nothing left for me. I don’t understand what events has transpired to make him say this. All I know is is that I too will always wait for him.

        Reply
  • March 9, 2016 at 1:51 pm
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    Regarding giving up and hanging in there a little longer. I don’t want to give up because I think our relationship is worth saving but sadly she doesnt at this point in time. Any attempts at contacting her which is very few is unwanted at this point. She accused me of stalking which is ridiculous. Never want her to feel uncomfortable just don’t understand why she never wanted to talk about or attempt to work things out. She just shut down and cut me off immediately. Any advice on how to change her perception and getting her feeling like she used to about me? FYI never any cheating, abuse, addictions. If guilty of anything is was taking her for granted and neglect over the years.

    Reply
  • June 14, 2016 at 8:20 pm
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    Me and my husband have been married for 14 years we have 3 boys the oldest is 13 and the youngest is 7 I am 32 and my husband is 36.. We have always had issues with infidelity he would cheat then of course in my defense or so i thought i would seek out revenge.. This went on for 2 years. We got back together and was doing some what better but in the last 3 months I felt as tho he was talking to another woman. So I panicked and started txtn another man… My husband found out and has now left me said he can’t deal with it anymore and refuses to work it out! I have begged and cried apologized a million times he doesn’t seem to budge. I’m beginning to think he was just looking for a way out.

    Reply
  • June 26, 2016 at 11:47 am
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    I don’t know if this will get answered or not, but I gotta try anyways. Me and my wife split up back in January because of something she did that really hurt me. I moved out and was ready to just quit and move on. At the beginning of June I started really thinking about it and started to realize that most or all of our problems were caused by me not communicating with her. Every time we had a issue I would just blow it off and hope it would go away. I realized then that what the issue was back in December that caused me to move out in January was a reach out for professional help to help solve our problems. Well then I started thinking about trying to get back together and fix a 9 year marriage, 10 year relationship. So Saturday before Father’s Day I was going to call her and ask her if she wanted to go on a date with me. Unfortunately I found out Saturday before I called he that she already has a new boyfriend. My question is… Should I still try and save it or is it really too late?

    Reply
    • July 6, 2016 at 7:15 pm
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      We don’t ever think it’s to late to save your marriage…

      Joe recently did a podcast titled “When To Let Go.”

      It’s available on blogtalkradio.com

      Check it out when you get time!

      Reply
  • August 20, 2016 at 12:38 pm
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    I don’t know if my marriage can be saved. We have totally lost all respect for each other, his laziness and unwilling help to pay bills, and his addictions, my constant nagging and begging for change. I just feel hopeless.

    Reply
    • August 30, 2016 at 3:03 pm
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      Good afternoon, Shelia-

      I am so sorry you are going through this hard time in your marriage.

      We believe any marriage can be saved as long as you are both willing to stop the behavior that is affecting the marriage. Join our Facebook Group- Save My Marriage- if you would like support during this time.

      Reply
      • October 1, 2016 at 9:59 pm
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        Thanks for sharing that group.

        Reply
  • October 26, 2016 at 11:56 pm
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    My wife and I have been having a pretty consistent problem throughout our relationship. We were with eachother for 4 years before, and now newly married for under 2. We’re both a lil short tempered each having our own triggers. And both can be stubborn. We constantly get into arguments over small stuff sometimes leading into bigger fights. But in the end it always seems are arguments end on a similar note. That being, we both don’t feel loved by eachother. And I can only speak for myself and only quote what she has told me. Her not feeling that I love her is due to the lack of affection appreciation and attention she feels as though I don’t give her. She also feels I don’t care about her feelings and I don’t share enough. And in part she has a very strong point. I’ve notice myself showing all these traits that are hurting her so. I definitely do not see it to the level she believes it’s at. I haven’t been completely void of emotion appreciation and affection to her but I have been distant. She only sees it as I’m completely neglectful to her. The issue with her, on my side are 3 things that really bother me. 2 are very hurtful but isn’t as bad as the main one. The one thing that kills me as how easily she’s been able to to walk away from me. Since early in our relationship she showed this. Whether it was a large problem we faced or small. She always turned to ending it. Or threatening to end it. I lost count how many times it has happened. But in the end this destroys what I feel my worth is to her. To feel like I’m discarded over and over. Not wanted or loved because how can I be loved if I’m left so easily. Not once was it me doing the leaving. I’ve always loved her and felt as though we should be able to work through almost anything. I understand the’re going to be rough times and pain with any relationship. But I’ve always felt shes worth it. I’ve never felt the way I do about anyone the way I feel about her. I spent the first half of our relationship chasing her down and fighting for her to stay or come back. Until it eventually became the feeling that I’m not fighting for her anymore, I’m fighting her to loverlap me. And at that point I stopped the chasing fighting and asking to her stay. I’ve just been adamant that I love her, I always will, and I don’t want this. I don’t want her to leave, that i will never want that. It seem she just desperately tries to change my mind, to make me feel the way she does, that leaving is the answer. I don’t know maybe it’ll make it easier for her to go. But I can’t feel that way. But we’ve managed to be together this long through it all and even through the unhappiness caused by this I still love her. Sometimes I think she does too, even though I sometimes have doubts. But even us being together, this one thing she does has made me feel more distant. Like I have to close myself off from her. Little by little I’ve been more afraid to show her that love and affection and even receive it because I don’t want fall anymore deeply inlove. Espicially when I know the next time she leaves me isn’t far away. And I never know when it’s for good. I don’t do it intentionally. There are times where I want to grab her and hold her even more than I do now. Just kiss her and show her the love I have for her. But whenever I have that thought I just freeze. I juse feel more and more unwanted everytime she leaves. And I grow more distant the less comminment I see from her. And the more distant I grow the more she feels unloved. It’s like a vicious spiral that I don’t know where it started and I see no end. I just want it to stop. I know if I truly believed she was committed to me, and show it, I wouldn’t be so afraid to open up and be closer to her like we were. I’ve mentioned this to her before most recently and once before just not in such detail. And she just claimed it to be who she is. She runs and it can’t be help. I don’t want to believe that. We got married after we talked about the idea of marriage right after one of the times she left and came back. And she actually asked me. And she promised that it will be foreal. It will be forever no more running no more leaving. We’ll work through it all. It didn’t happen that way. It didn’t change. I don’t know what to do now i’m here and she’s leaving again. And I just don’t want this. I’m not too keen on the idea of professional help but I’m willing to do it if it can help me make her happy again. But for her I don’t think I can get her to agree to it. I’ve tried before.

    Reply
    • October 27, 2016 at 6:58 pm
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      I am so sorry your marriage & you are going through this..

      Have you looked into our Save My Marriage Course? It’s an online course devoted to creating the environment to save your marriage! It would be a great place for you to start! We are also running a 50% off special until Oct. 31st. Please let me know if you have any questions.

      Blessings

      Reply
  • November 20, 2016 at 4:15 pm
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    It’s been a year and a half since I found out about my wife’s affair. We have recovered for the most part. It’s been a lot of work. My biggest issue is that I cannot stop thinking about it. It still stings and seems surreal. For the most part I’ve been able to suppress any negative reaction. I just wish I could stop thinking about it.

    Reply
  • November 20, 2016 at 9:28 pm
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    So what do ya do when you’re a man,
    And the wife leaves after 10yrs!

    Say’s she miss her family,moves back home. Tell’s ya she loves you more that life it self?

    Also says she will not be back!

    Wants you every day,but not happy living were you’re job and family are.

    Been 6 months, we still talking and i very much love her.

    I told her i never would beg her to stay becuse more than anything,i want her happy.
    Do you end it,or wait to see if she comes back?

    Reply
    • November 21, 2016 at 6:44 pm
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      Good afternoon,

      That’s completely your decision..

      We do offer Decision Point Course which will help you determine if you want to fight for your marriage or let go.

      If you choose to fight, we offer a course and workshop to help you save your marriage!

      Reply
  • November 25, 2016 at 5:39 am
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    My husband and I have been together for 13 years….8 married. We have 3 children. As we got older, had more kids and more bills, my husband started to change. He used to be very outgoing and spontaneous. I understand that people change but he changed drastically. I started off talking to him about how he never takes me out…we need more time just us…things like that. He never changed anything or talked to me. As he didnt open up and talk t me, I got more angry and we would fight. Long story short the last couple of years have been rough. We have tried different therapists but most of them would say we would be better if he would open up. I was also trying to be less aggressive so that we could communicate. Mu husband was sleeping on the couch for many months before, this August, we had a huge fight and I told him to leave. I didnt mean never come back but he took it that way. Let me add that for the last year or so I have been asking for a break(2 weeks or so) to be able to think about our marriage and have time apart. The therapists said this would be good but he never left(I didnt leave b/c I had nowhere to stay).
    So, after he left, he decided he was done! It was weird b/c I thought we were temporarily separated. He talked to me the following days like everything was ok. It wasnt until the following week that he told me he was done. This is after I called him to talk about our marriage. From then on, I have done all of the things I should NOT do…begging, crying, etc. It has been horrible for me but he still says he is done. He says it has been coming for a long time but we were in therapy in July where he said he was 100% int his marriage! What could have happened to him when he had to leave his home?? I know his feelings were probably hurt but to be so shut down now. What should I do?? Give up like he has??

    Reply
  • January 13, 2017 at 4:06 pm
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    All these comments yet no replies. I am literally in a marriage crisis. Almost 8 yrs and he said its been over since year 2. He wont communicate so i assume we are good. Ive lacked the physical connection and slacked on affection but i do n ot realize it until it is to late. He says i love you but thats it. There is no feelings but he will not flat out say he’s not in love with me or he is leaving. He just says i give up and ill stay for the kids. Confused doesn’t even describe what i feel right now and financially we cant afford help..

    Reply
    • January 16, 2017 at 8:12 pm
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      Good afternoon,

      I am so sorry you are going through this.. We don’t believe that it is ever to late to save your marriage..

      Are you participating in The Dr. Joe Show on Tuesday nights? I know you said finances are a big part of not being able to get help.. The Dr. Joe Show is completley free & you can call in to talk to Dr. Beam.. Be sure you are reading all of the articles on our website as well. There is SO much free information we have on our website!

      Also, we have a Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/MarriageHelper

      We try to answer at least 1 question everyday that you may have about your marriage.. Please feel free to email us your question with the subject line: Facebook Video. You can send emails to audra.weeks@Marriagehelper.com

      In addition, you maybe interested in joining our Save My Marriage Group on Facebook. It is a closed group that offers support & understanding during these difficult times.

      You are in our thoughts and prayers.

      Reply
  • February 10, 2017 at 6:13 pm
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    Me and my wife been together for 5 yrars she told me yesterday that she want to end our marriage because of he say and she sqy she feels like ive been talking about her to other i did admit the things i said but for some reson she doesn’t trust me or what i say this doesn’t add up to me that she wants to give so fast

    Reply
  • March 1, 2017 at 9:20 pm
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    I need help on what my chances are in saving my marriage or leaving my cheating husband.

    Reply
    • March 3, 2017 at 7:10 pm
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      Good afternoon,

      Can you give us a call so we can have more detail on what you are going through? 615-472-1161

      Reply
  • March 12, 2017 at 9:54 pm
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    I am lost…
    My wife and I of 3 yrs 7 total. Have had our ups and downs.
    We are in an all too familiar place right now. In our past we have had many arguments. Typically our arguments start as a discussion and tend to lead to me loosing my temper. Which result in her leaving. Either me asking her to leave or her deciding to leave on her own this being the 4th time. The reason I loose my temper is she will not admit any wrong doing. She leaves for a week, during that week I am stubborn and let her be. I am the one who has always went and apologized. It ends up me taking the blame for loosing my temper and the reason the argument started in the first place is swept under the rug. I always get told I should have handled it differently. She moves back home, We go to a counselor for 1 time and then that stops. She doesn’t want to continue. I feel I do anything for her or us. She has agreed that she is treated very well and taken care of.
    However, our latest incident occurred over this last month or so. I had questioned her about holding me at a distance. She initiated sex at that time. But went right back to how it had been. So for the last 3 weeks I decided, not to do anything extra for the relationship. I did not, not do anything, I simply didn’t go out of my way to do extra as I usually would. She ended up questioning me on it. She asked me why I was ignoring her. I told her I was only giving what I was receiving. (Yes childish but when I give and give and feel I get nothing in return) I had given up on us to be honest. I was tired of being wrong whenever I voiced my opinions, being told to stop anytime I touched her(not sexually just playful) going in circle in arguments, getting blamed in the end, so I quit interacting. During one of our discussions (about 2 weeks in) she was poking and getting me fired up as usually. So I simply walked away and stayed at a family members house that night. The next evening she told me she had scheduled a counseling appointment with the same lady as few month earlier. I was actually impressed. The appointment was not for 2 weeks. Things were on edge, we went to store together and there was still interaction. Not like normal tho. (Thursday) We went to counseling. The counselor had given me new hope. Came home and I tried to talk about some of the items the counselor brought up. Turned into an argument when she admitted she knew she had been holding me at a distance for a while now due to my actions in the past, with no regard of why my actions took place in the first place. (Off her actions). I had turned into this awful person that treats her so bad. (Her perception). She is focused only on the negative and refuses to see any of the good we have. I had asked her if “I am this horrible person u make me out to be why are I with me?” I told her if that is how she saw me and she didn’t want to be with me anymore, there’s the door. To my surprise she sneakily took all her things while I was at work on (Friday) and came and got her animals while I was at work on (Saturday). I texted her Saturday evening about where her head was at I was told “I just need space”. We talked a little about what that meant with no exact answer and I got mixed signals about what she really wants to do. I received… “I believe we are done” “its not what I want but I don’t think we will work”. “I dont think counseling will help”.
    This is not the result I was looking for. I am so lost. I am keeping the other counseling appointments we had scheduled, but she has already said she will not go. Is there any hope at saving this? Am I a fool for wanting to?

    Reply
    • March 20, 2017 at 4:28 pm
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      I am so sorry you are going through this..

      We believe there is ALWAYS hope. We fight for it EVERYDAY.

      Have you looked into our 3 Day Workshop?? Would she be willing to do only 3 days??

      Or we have an online course for reconciliation..

      Reply
      • April 3, 2017 at 12:14 am
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        She said she dont wanna try counseling.

        Reply
  • April 2, 2017 at 8:48 pm
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    My husband admitted recently that he had cheated on me, I love him so much. He says he isn’t attracted to me anymore, he also states the times we have he’s just been forcing it because he feels sorry for me. He keeps saying he isn’t happy being with me but he loves me still, he keeps changing his mind about wanting to be with me. He keeps requesting for me to wait but he doesn’t realise how much he’s hurting me, he promised to be with me forever and that i’d never be alone again. we have been together 13 years, I’ve been trying so hard to trust him again but I just can’t get the thought out of my head. I went on his computer and checked his history, there were things on there that suggested he had been on her facebook page. But no concrete evidence of any real contact other than that, he found out and said if i looked again he would leave, he’s so protective of his phone and other devices and won’t budge on the issue. I desperately want to save our marriage, we are best friends and have said if we split up we will continue to be. I feel so ugly and inadequate, i’m currently a little over 55kg i’m also 5ft tall. When we first met i was very skinny at 42kg, i know i’ve gained weight but i’m not huge but he’s only attracted to very skinny women. He hasn’t always been skinny either but i never said anything to him about it. I’m trying so hard to lose weight, i’m exercising more and taking better care of myself(although i never really neglected myself i’m just a bit of a tomboy) I just feel at times the pain is unbearable and i just wish to end it all. He refuses to go to counselling, i feel I’ve driven him away and every time he says he wants to leave i cry uncontrollably. Please any words of advice?

    Reply
  • April 3, 2017 at 12:13 am
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    She wants to move out. This is after I caught her cheating and now she says she’s doing this for her. We have kids together. In the past I screwed up as well on different sites as craigslist. Please help

    Reply
    • April 3, 2017 at 10:50 pm
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      I am so sorry… We have a few options for you right now though…

      1.) Save My Marriage Course- 10 Wk course devoted to helping the standing spouse create the environment to save their marriage.
      2.) We have a bootcamp that was created to help teach you how to motivate your spouse to seek marriage help.

      Let me know if you would like more information on either one.

      Blessings,

      Reply
  • April 9, 2017 at 6:12 pm
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    My husband & I have been together for 7 years and will “celebrate” 4 years of marriage next month. We have a 2 year old daughter who is the light of our lives. Things have not been great between us for about a year now, we have both been unhappy for quite sometime. To be honest, I can see that he has been unhappy but I was so focused on caring for our daughter and myself and how I felt (if I’m REALLY being truthful) that I couldn’t see what was happening to our marriage. Even with what I was willing to recognize, I just felt like we would get through it or it wasn’t the right time to address the problems. My husband recently came to me and confessed that he has been having an emotional affair (although he did not use that phrase) with a co-worker for quite some time now though he just realized it himself that this is what has been happening between them. He hasn’t used the words “in love” but I think that is how he feels toward this person. He says she has become his best friend and he cannot imagine not having her in his life to talk to/be around, etc. We love each other a great deal and I know that he does not want to end our marriage. He just feels torn and confused and is visibly distraught – as am I, of course. I have suggested counseling but he feels he would not be able to genuinely work on our marriage as long as he has feelings for this person. So I have been at a loss for what to do and cannot handle standing by and waiting for him to decide to leave and destroy our family. I am dying inside and I know that he is feeling the same (maybe for different reasons). I have expressed that I do not accept our marriage ending – we made vows and we love each other – so no matter how he feels about this other person, he has a responsibility to choose our marriage. I don’t know how to convince him to make the right choice.

    Reply
  • May 17, 2017 at 6:04 pm
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    I have been married 5 year, but in a relationship with him for 10 years altogether. We have an almost 3 yr old son. A few weeks ago, my husband found out that I cheated on him 4 years ago. i never did it after that and not that there is any excuse but I was literally a mess when I did it. My husband was going through depression and barely talked to me and I was abusing narcotics at the time I had cheated. I never told him about it because I didn’t want to lose or hurt him. So him finding out this many years later made him feel our whole marriage was a lie. Within 24 hours of him finding out he went online to file for divorce or get the process started. He was not willing to hear me out or get counseling because he said he will never forgive me. But he was not being too great to me since January of this year. These past few weeks have been the hardest of my life. I don’t want our marriage to end and I am willing to do whatever it takes to save us and our family. I know it will take SO much time to ever be back on track if there was ever a slim possibility of it working. Do you think out marriage is salvageable? How can I work on it if he says he doesn’t?

    Reply
  • June 9, 2017 at 11:54 am
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    Me & my husband are together since 5 yes and having a marriage of 1.5 yes.it was a love marriage . before marriage things were good b/w us but after marriage things have changed between us. There is not a single week we didn’t fight and always the issue is about family .there is lot of disturbance and misunderstanding created by his mom , and he is more in favour of his parents . even in bad things done by his parents and sis he is wid them and not supporting me . recently due to some issue I went my home and its around 1 month he didn’t even talked to me neither wished me my birthday. Recently he has deleted all marriage , engagement and other photographs from his social sites .Unfortunately things are now so messed that things are going towards the divorce.I don’t want my marriage to end . I still love him a lot & want to spend rest of my entire life aid him . but I also want him to understand me & support me . please tell & advise how I can save my marriage.

    Reply
  • June 12, 2017 at 7:24 am
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    My husband of 21 years left 2 weeks ago. He said he wasn’t in love with me anymore and was miserable. He told our son he couldn’t take the arguing anymore and he had to leave. He’s been the sole provider and money has always been the biggest argument since I put everything into raising our kids. I don’t want my marriage to end. I love him.

    Reply
  • June 17, 2017 at 11:16 pm
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    I have broken my marriage. My husband loved me. I lied and hurt his trust by have a secret. I had a travel agent job on the side for 4 years of our marriage. That business got into serious trouble and he found out I used his friends to help me pull myself out if the wreckage. Facebook has crucified me and his business has taken a sever hit. Smith he loves me be has to distance himself from me for now to prove he was not part of the travel business. I wekcome any and all feed bavk. Sincerely,
    Hopeless
    In love with my hubby

    Reply
  • August 2, 2017 at 6:36 am
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    My husband and I have been together 12 years, married for 9. He has told me that he loves me but is not in love with me and never has been. He says our son was the reason he married me and that he thought things would be ok. Now, he wants to move out because he says he realized we never had a “spark” and wants to spend his life with someone whom he feels that for. I am completely in love with him and do not want to give up on our marriage. I just don’t know if anything I do will make a difference. Am I grasping at straws, or is there really any hope that we can have a loving, lasting relationship?

    Reply
  • August 4, 2017 at 6:04 am
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    My husband of almost 15 years, 21 together, informed me today that he wants a legal separation ans thinks it should be for a year. He sent me this in one of about 50 text messages today while i was at work explaining why. Lost doesn’t even explain my feelings. He says its about money and that he loves me but doesnt see us getting better together until the money problems are fixed.
    I feel hollow and dont know what i should do. We have two kids together and they are still young. I cant even call my best friend, he wants to leave me.
    I guess it does hurt when your heart breaks.

    Reply
  • August 14, 2017 at 12:23 pm
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    I’m afraid too much has happened and too many awful things have been said. I feel that we think divorce is the only option. But how do you walk away and cut the person you spent two decades with out of your life?
    Our fighting has gotten brutal and downright evil. We have gone to the dark side in hate speech. Some things that come out of our mouths instantly feel unforgivable.
    I had an affair that catapulted the last 20 months of our lives into hell. Therapy hasn’t worked. We have good days with amazing sex and intamacy. Everything seems downright blissful. Then out of nowhere the fighting resumes. The hurt, the accusations, the reasons why we cant go on.
    How can you have days of heaven and then the darkest moments right after? How does God allow it?
    I know we love eachother immensely but we cant continue this pattern anymore. I want to save this marriage so desperately but am completely out of options here. Is it too late for us? Please help.

    Reply
  • August 17, 2017 at 1:34 pm
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    My wife and I going through a rough time right now. We have 1 child together, we have problems in our marriage in the past (about 5 yrs ago) but even though we have a child after that and decide to continue she still brings up the past. I’m just seeking help to repair or marriage.

    Reply
  • September 7, 2017 at 2:32 am
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    Is it too late to save my marriage. My husband and i are on the route for divorce. We have only been married for a year. The reason for the divorce is we have been having issues and it started out with him cheating when i was pregnant with our daughter. After i got trust issues and started controlling his every move, which pushed him away and decided that he didnt love me anymore. Should i try or is there anything i can do to save my marriage. And show that if we fell in love we can do it again nd be a happy family? We have. 1 yr old daughter. Nd like any person would like to show their child how their parents fought for eachother through everything for love.

    Reply
  • September 15, 2017 at 10:26 pm
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    Good blog. Any online webinars for people trying desparately to fix their marriage who are not living in US?

    Reply

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