The tongue is mentioned over and over in the Bible as holding the power of life and death and determining your course in life. This is significant. When a theme is brought up multiple times, it is something that God wants us to truly grasp. In times of adversity, we are more easily driven by emotions, and often our tongues get the best of us. The book of Proverbs is filled with wisdom on the subject of being rude or demanding.
The lips of the godly speak helpful words, but the mouth of the wicked speaks perverse words. Proverbs 10:32
A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted. Proverbs 12:16
Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. Proverbs 12:18
Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything. Proverbs 13:3
A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. Proverbs 14:1
Short-tempered people do foolish things. Proverbs 14:17
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1
Learning to love as Christ commands us means controlling our tongue. If love is not rude, then snapping insults out of anger is not love. We cannot verbally destroy the character of a person that we truly love. We must understand that the person that we love is still in there, but they cannot remember who they are if we are reminding them of who they have been recently!
If love is not demanding of its own way, it is not demanding your way out of spite. Trying to manipulate a situation to our own benefit, while simultaneously putting our spouse at a disadvantage isn’t loving. If love is not irritable, it is not snappy and hurtful. Our tone of voice is as important when we communicate with our spouse as what we say.
When someone is acting irrationally in a situation involving two people, more pressure needs to be on the rational person to remain calm and lead by example. It is our responsibility to speak with encouraging, warm, and positive words. You can only control your own behavior, so if your spouse is angry and you know that conversation will cause you to lose your temper, avoid the situation. If you cannot hold your tongue, it is best to keep your communication through alternate methods like email and text, until you can.
Love is not rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable. 1 Corinthians 13:5
Have you struggled with controlling your tongue?
What other ways can you communicate your thoughts without getting angry or saying things to hurt your spouse?
by Lili Morris