My wife wants out of our Marriage but I’m not a controlling person. I’m about as far from controlling as they get. I’m not sure why she wants out. There was no affair going on when she first moved out a few years ago but she is in an affair now.
My wife after 7 years told me she just felt like we were roommates and said your an awesome roommate but I’m just done and mentally checked out a few years ago.
When she told me I said why? She said there is no affection and romance.
Well first of all she is in marketing and management so about 70% of the time she would come home from work including week ends and sit on couch and say I’ve got to get this report done.
So when she would do that I’d be sitting there all bored and just fall asleep or go. Drive around.
She also was married for 13 years before me and has had issues with men walking out of her and her kids like. Her kids biological dad walked away then her hub end that raised the kid walked away because she saw him on her best friends couch together. Then her dad after 42 years of marriage left her mom when we were getting together. I said hey lets go to counseling she finally agreed but wanted to meet with the counselor 2 sessions alone before I got to come into a session.
After a few sessions it was still all me that had to change and she was fine. She said you can’t move back in until you have a mentor and are going to counseling
Finally I said hey if you can’t recognize that you are part of this marriage and that you’re basing your love on if I do this or not then you don’t really love me so go ahead and let’s turn in paperwork together.
Even our Pastor said it sounds like she is a control person and if so its her that needs to make some changes and learn how to love you unconditionally. So when I told her that she says will you help me pay for half of the divorce…. Anyways we will be final at the end of this month August 2016.
I figure if 2 both spouses don’t give 100% then just let her walk away and either turn in paperwork together or just do it yourself.
At least you have an opportunity to go to some counseling I didn’t even get that she just left… I told her let’s go and get some spiritual or biblical counseling and she can go in and tell her side first but she just flat out refused… I’m at a point with mine because she’s been gone over a year it’s in God’s hands
thats is true?
I’m in the same situation except for she just moved out and filed for divorce two.months ago after only a year and a half. Devastating and she won’t even talk much less pray or seek restoration so.i have no idea and you’re right, I have to release it to God but it’s just so shocking!
I’m in the same situation. Mine left almost a year ago. Wouldnt even try counseling! We had some problems but nothing major. Nothing that couldn’t be worked out. I pray every day that she had a change of heart. I made a lot of personal changes since then for the better. The biggest being going to church and praying. I don’t know what else to do.
im in same boat… my husband has just turned round and said that hhewants out of the relationship… i said fine,, im unhappy but he is so closed and wont speak to me about anything, he always says there nothing to say and has been like this for past 4 years … we have only been wed 18 month… im 50 , its my first marriage… i feel such a failure…
Have you and your husband looked into any marriage help?? Our 3 day workshop could truly help y’all through this difficult time! Please let us know if you have any questions!
Continue to go to church and put all of your faith in God. We cannot make people that do not want to stay stay and we in all honesty shouldn’t. What kind of relationship would that be? Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light. Stay strong and please remember to love yourself as well as God first and foremost. A lot of people that do not love themselves go into relationships trying to love another.. it just doesn’t work.
How is it going? Did things get resolved
Unfortunately we live in a plastic society ( believe me it is this way everywhere but at different levels) in which you throw away things that are used or just don’t work the way u want them to anymore. I am a muslim woman in Saudi Arabia, I stumbled upon this website while doing research about my husbands lack of affection. To make a marriage work, it takes sacrifice and belief that there is a life after death. The uncomfortable struggles that we accompany with patience and gratitude in life will be rewarded in the next. Even if I don’t like my husband; I can love him as a brother or, if u will, like a priest or a nun of the church. It is like u hate the sin but not the sinner. I am a housewife that spends much of my time in the home or on my property. I use prayer for asking God to make me His (Allah) patient and grateful servant. I can not change my husband, but only my inner self. To make a paradise in my heart.
Well said 🙂
Yeah – no. None of the answers to those questions allowed me to proceed. None applied.
I have been abandoned by my husband He won’t talk to me at all What should I do
Take a look at this article..
Hey I suffered the same thing with my husband, he withdrew from me mentally and then physically. The sad part is you can’t force them to talk. However, you can fix you….;go get some therapy or counseling because if he never checks back in then you are going to need to be prepared for that. However, prayer works and I know its hard to be silent but don’t make any major moves until you seek counseling and get some type of peace in your spirit. There could possibly be something major going on in him or he is wrestling with telling you how he really feels. Please don’t make any assumptions or try to figure it out because it will drive you crazy. Live your life and get some help for you.
Hello: I stumbled upon this website just sitting here thinking how to rebuild and start over. The back and forth has been going on for almost a year and I recently found out that there have been numerous affairs over the course of the 8 years together. Unfortunately, we have kids together, otherwise I would just disappear and change my number. I guess now, I have to figure out how to remain cordially when I have so much disdain and hurt…. I rather not have to see or here from him ever again. Is that wrong? How do I not let this affect the kids???
I am so sorry you are going through this..
Give us a call so we can help you out.. 615-472-1161
This is exactly how I feel. If we didn’t have 3 children I would be gone. I am so angry all the time!!
thats good advice… and it partly applies to my situation… i feel so alone at the moment , the time of year doesnt help plus the fact he is on holiday at home now for the next 3 weeks. he says he is leaving… or one of is after xmas, i live 200 miles from my home town, so have no support here… im thinking of going to the local church for some strength, i have not been a church goer fo 38 years… but i need to talk to someone… i feel like i am going crazy sometimes
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this.. Are you a member of our Save My Marriage Facebook Group? It offers a GREAT support team and you can talk with people going through extremely similar situations as yours..
Go on with your life! If you are a Christian you gotta pray for him to return, if he is marry or has a new relationship (even with children), better try do start again, do not involve with someone SO quickly. Remember we are vulnerable at this point, easy pray to predators!
I’m married & moved out the home almost a yr ago finding out my husband was & still is committing adultery with someone who is also herself in another relationdhp. I still was willing to move forward and to repair our marriage but of course as mentioned above he’s still actively involved. He even spends time with our child & the other woman or women possibly & hasn’t ever really spent family time with us when we were in the home (extremely hurtful). My husband most recently after almost a year of me being in limbo on rather or not if he wanted to divorce, stated that he feels that after we can afford to divorce we should. I replied “if you want the divorce then you arrange & pat for it”. I have in the past asked to return back to his home due to us having a child with autism who’ll be starting a new school & financial stability but he rejected the idea. Most recently I lost my job so this definiteky adds,another component of stress. It’s disheartening to know that my husband/father of our child as only offered words of encouragement but no viable support in this situation . I’m too stressed out heartbroken but I most move forward because I have a precious life that ultimately is depending on me so I can’t focus on my hurt. You certainly can’t make someone want to be with u & I am not trying. It is disgusting to me that I’m even married to someone who can knowingly see their family struggle & do nothing. This is also an embarrassment that he is a representation of me. I still love him & was hopeful that he’d be willing to repair our marriage, obviously that’s not my reality. All hope is gone and it’s time to move on (difficult to let go but I have to).
Love you, may you find the strength t carry on!
Same situation… Broken and sad
I discovered that my husband was cheating on me with a woman form the same church. I has just lost my job then. I exposed him and the woman to the church elders, got angry and separated from him for 9 months. God blessed me with a job and a second better paying job. He came back, apologized and we are together again. I do not love him anymore nor can I make love to him like I would before. I have no feelings for him anymore.
Before we reconciled I told him that we should divorce – he refused. I booked and appointment for a blood test with the clinic for HIV/AIDS.
He does all the right things now. He looks after me and our children. My husband has resorted to devoting his time doing God’s work at church. Has shown feelings of remorse and is repenting. I know he has been cheating since we started dating, but it is the first time – he has been caught. I discovered SMSs and pictures of the woman he was cheating with in his phone as he forgot to lock it once. I know he was having unprotected sex with her. I got answers about all his changed behavior, where they met and I exposed him to her husband and to church. My husband’s dignity and image was tarnished at church. The woman left the church since. I prayed and asked God to save my marriage.
I had an affair on my husband 15 years ago and he said God told him to stay with me but our marriage hasn’t been good since and now he jas had an affair and doesn’t want to give her up he says he loves us both what should I do
My hubby n i been married for 6 years and been to 3 marriage counseling.. I feel its time to give up.. Im so sick of all the drama in our marriage. Im also on the transplant list 4 a kidney and its hard to do everything n still fight… Im drainned, i dont know how much fighting i have in me left…
My folks to fix it… I dont know what else to do….
Trust God… and seek him
Please focus on taking care of yourself (mentally, physically & spiritually). I wouldn’t recommend making any life changing decision at this time (of course the decision is solely yours to make). I concur with Allen to trust & seek God. I’ll lift you & your family up in prayer.
My came to me and said she wanted a divorce. I thought it was a joke. The look on her face told me differently. When I asked why, all she said was “I just don’t love you anymore” What??? We never had a fight in 4 years of marriage. I thought we were going to be together forever. We were unseperable. We liked the same things. We just talked about our vacation away next month the night before she told me she wanted a divorce.
I’m so lost and confused.
I am so sorry for your pain, Tim. Our Save My Marriage Course could be very beneficial to you during this time.. Please check out http://www.marriagehelper.com/savemymarriage to learn more about it.
Hi im Christy! We are married for22 yrs blessed with wondeerful kids, 20 and 15 yrs old. We are believers, there is a problem, my hubby is often into affairs i dont know how many, he doesnt find it wrong i suppose, every time i find out he feels sorry and changes, but very soon he gets another one, most of these are passtime activities, but im hurt. what do i do/
Don’t get it wrong he’s not a believer. Believers makes mistakes sometimes but if you live in that sin you’re not a believer. To be a believer is to live in Christ. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and to depart from evil the beginning of understanding”
My husband is having an affair with another women, I didn’t knew about that ..few days a ago I got to know.he is behaving very bad with us I have 5 children and he doest even care about us I don’t know what to do , can u pleas help me out!..
My husband is having an affair from a long time but I got to know about it few days ago he spend his money on dat women and doesn’t care about us ..I don’t know what to do ..that women keeps calling my husband and my husband even don’t talk withd me nor with my children ..can u please advise me so dat I can get rid of my husband’s affair …help me
I am so very sorry to hear this.. My heart goes out to you & your children.. Is he willing to attend our 911 Workshop? Please click here for a list of dates/locations..
If he isn’t willing to do attend I would strongly encourage you to join our Save My Marriage Course. It’s a 10 Week Course devoted to the standing spouse. It’s also going to teach you how to create the environment to save you marriage. There is also a separate part of the course (The Affair Toolkit) that deals with affairs specifically.
Don’t want separation with my husband. But he wants… reason his mother… She doesn’t want me and specially my son. Yes this is our second marriage he has two daughters and me a son … After 10months he is saying your son I can’t afford so manage or keep with anyone and if you can come alone but when will come then keep in mind my mother’s Torcher will increase than earlier. My son faced so many bad experiences so he also doesn’t want go back.
Tell me can you help…. Please
My husband is insisting on divorce me after 9 years of marriage..initially I didn’t think he was serious but then when he started to insist me doing divorce papers and make arrangements I realized what was really happening. I was hurt broken when he said to me’ I don’t love you anymore…etc’. He is being cruel, not leaving the house and time after time asking me to do it. I have nowhere to go and I have no friends or relatives, I left my job and family in my home country to join him in UK. I do every thing possible to avoid talking to him and do not want to see him. He has turned into a real monster, only thinking of his welfare and money..this is hurting me too much. I have said to him if you are in a rush just go submit the petition but obviously he wants first to have a convenient financial agreement before it. It is my first marriage while his is third and we have no children and I need some advice to find the right route for me but he is only caring for himself and does want to give me time to find a solicitor or get any advice.
I am so sorry you are going through this.. We know how hard it is.. We offer a Save My Marriage Group on Facebook that would offer you tons of support during this time.. Please take a minute to look it up.
I’m sorry to hear your story and I totally feel for you. I’m in similar situation and if you believe in yourself, things will get better. Trust me. Whatever doesn’t kill you, will only make you stronger.
My wife and I get along great., however everyday stresses like four children, business commitments and elderly parents are always demanding our time. We have no time for each other. Money is tight so getting away is not an option . When we do leave for a day all she does is think about the work she needs to do when she gets home and the problems the kids are going through. I had to spend time with my elderly parents until one of my other siblings could take over. When I returned I found out that she had found her “soul mate”. Thirty two years now at a crossroad.
She has given up on the church that we both attended since we were married and raised our children in.
My wife and I will start the process of divorcingeach other after 15yrs. I blame her brother. Hes been living with us for a few years now. He works 3 hours a day. Doesnt help out at all with house duties. He hoards dishes in his room. When hes done he piles them up in the sink. He uses my towels as a floor matt. He leaves beer botlles all over, pees all over the toilet. My wife protects him a lot. He met a girl back in may on memorial weekend at a rave. Next day brings her over stays for 2 months and gets worse. I decided to stomp my feet and cuase of that it jeopardizing my marriage. Im i in the right to say enough is enough?
Everyone has a right to set boundaries. We have a WONDERFUL podcast on that!
Check out http://www.marriageradio.com to listen to it!
My Husband has called me fat for the last time. He asked me tonight why do I eat so much and the funny thing is I have actually lost 4 kilos in the last few weeks because I am getting more exercise, he didn’t believe me. He hasn’t shown me affection for quite a while now. He say’s he is not attracted to me anymore. I have to tell you I am not obese, I weigh 94 kilos, am 51 years old and am very healthy.I love him no matter what, I forgive all the hurtful things he says to me, the latest was “everything you do hurts our relationship” I was devastated. He doesn’t like the work I am doing for my church, the community garden I am involved in, the crochet class I am involved in, what I am doing in our garden at home. It seems I cannot please him yet anything he does I support wholeheartedly. I have seen porno sights that he likes to look at although he doesn’t know I know. There are lots of other things, one in particular, he forgot our last two wedding anniversaries 30th and 31st. He apologised for the 30th but the last one, nothing, not even a kiss. I can’t remember the last time he complimented me on an outfit but I can tell you others do so I can’t be that bad. He also doesn’t like the fact that I am going grey and wants me to dye my hair. We will become Grandparents for the first time this month and I am so looking forward to everything involved.
I am so sorry you are going through this.. I would strongly encourage you to look into our Save My Marriage Course.. I really feel like it would help you during this time.. Please visit this link for more information >> http://www.marriagehelper.com/savemymarriage
I don’t know what to do. My husband believes that a woman’s place is to keep household clean, do laundry, washing, cook, see to our 19 month old boy and still having to see to him. Frustrating part of it is that I too work full time. He makes me feel so worthless, when arguing he pretty much says exactly that. He has no respect for my son when he gets all heated up in anger and he’s left screaming. He has had his abusive streaks with me, I fought back and that makes him justify that I too am in the wrong. He name calls, as do I. I know I’m in the wrong. I feel so exhausted and at end. Yes, there are great times but our bad times are our worst of worst. How can we raise our boy in the unhealthy environment??? And when I’d calmly speak to him about it he turns the table on me and asks but is he the only one in the wrong. As if he’s more interested in mentioning my faults rather than healing and salvaging the good that’s left. The mental and verbal abuse is just as exhausting. I just don’t know anymore 🙁
My husband and I have been married for 2 years now (together 5 years). I still love him, but lately I feel like I’m burden or someone he has to take care of. He groans when I tell him I’m in the mood, he NEVER helps with house work. And I just feel like, he doesn’t care anymore is this the end?
It doesn’t have to be the end! You can start doing the things you need to do to save the marriage…Listen to this podcast for a good first step: http://www.marriagehelper.com/first-step-podcast
No it doesn’t have to be the end. You like so many other married couples myself included need to turn to God for answers. When we have issues in our marriage it’s God’s way of getting our attention to the this GS that we need to change about ourselves.
Joe and Kimberly. I’ve been married 24 years. My husband left for the other woman. It’s been 2 yrs that we have been separated. We had many false starts the first year but everyday he’d go to work and see her! It was a roller coaster. First he’d be loving and want to get back together then he’d be distant. It was so emotional. Then the last few month towards the end of that first year he moved in with her. She bought a new house and all looked great to him. My husband and I had a great love. At least I thought so. I have boxes of love notes, letters, and cards! Last November he stopped all contact. He filed and had me served. Our adult twin boys are devastated as I am too. He seems happy to me but my children say otherwise. They ask me to fight and stand for my marriage. I work on my PIES everyday but how will that even work with no contact? It’s been a year now. I’ve prayed she get another job somewhere else and my son said she got laid off. I’m still praying for myself as well. I need strength and wisdom. Please help!
I am so very sorry you are going through this.. Our hearts go out to you and you will be in our prayers and thoughts..
Have you looked into our 10 Week Course?
It will greatly help you and encourage you as you stand for your marriage..
Please call us if you have any questions.. 615-472-1161
My wife of 4 years, partner for 6, wants out of our marriage. She has been having an affair and is actually on vacation with her new man. So we won’t be spending Christmas together, ouch. It is weird, but she began to change a lot when she had a teaching job in South Dakota. The poverty of the reservation took a toll on her and she has changed a lot. She has been suffering from depression, low self esteem, and hopelessness. I did what I could help her and its hard to not think I should have done/been more. Shekeeps telling me it is about her own selfishness and low self esteem, And I actually believe her. However, it is hard that the person that knew me most deeply has cast me aside. Its hard not to see a correlation, whether it is her reason or not.
I also apologize that I saw this comment after Christmas had passed..
Is there anyway you could talk your wife into attending our 3 day workshop in Nashville, Tn??
I am so very sorry..
I would strongly encourage you to look into our Save My Marriage Course..
Not only will it help you create the environment to save your marriage, but it will help guide you through these trying times.. It will give you strength and offer you comfort and support..
Please let me know if you have any questions..
Here is the link if you would like more information >> http://www.marriagehelper.com/savemymarriage
Hi i dont know what to do anymorw really i feel like my husband chooses eveeything over me and his 2 year old daughter im a understanding person i looked after my our daughter for 2 years and looking for a job now…when he comea home food done ,washing done and house and our daughter washed….but he comes home then most of his time is games xbox he will spend hours of games and me and our child will just be there its like i play the fatherly figure to ive spoken over and ovwr and im fedup…he was on leave now for 2 weeks he will spend time with others and not his daughter and me everything is games up to playing and watching online…sometimes our daughter goes look attention by him and he cant even put the controller down then she comes to me he cant even apend time with us ive been with him for 6 years faithful and now 2 years married im so hurt he dont listen its like im speaking to a 12 year old
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