I'll try to be brief so this is an easy read because I'd love advice.

Our home is a space that shuts down my and my wife's sexual energy.

We have an amazing system for sharing all of the responsibilities of our family 50/50 down the middle in a way that plays to our respective strengths. We love our house, our kids, our lives, but there is a cost.  Sexual energy and interest when at home.  She and I have talked about this.  We don't think there is anything wrong with each other or our lives or our lovemaking.  Whenever we get out of town together (which for the usual work and domestic and parenting reasons is very rare), we'll have a ton of fun and have sex at a hotel for sure.  Our emotions and bodies are SINGING when we get back home.

But such a trip, as I say is rare.  Gotta' make love more often than that.  We've tried to say sometimes, hey, let's have a drink and hang out after the kids go to bed but there's no...stimulation for us to bounce off as a couple.  The house is the house and we've already had a million conversations that day.  Inevitably the TV goes on, energy plummets more, and it never happens.  Oh sure, we can get sitters and go out sometimes, and it's great to get away from the routine, but you can't fool around in restaurants or bars or theatres (not easily at our age anyway).  We get back home and are smack dab in the middle of the the dead zone and rarely fool around, even after a good night out.  Away in hotels?  No problem!

Your thoughts would be appreciated.  We've been married 17 years and are really kind to each other but maybe understandably a little used to each other.  So trust me, lighting a candle doesn't work. :)  And remember, when you're not fired up, it doesn't feel great to 'make yourself' do something or try to just get kinky.  The problem is the house--it's many beautiful things but not arousing...we're too used to it.  P.S. Sorry I wasn't brief, was I?