My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. We have been together for 3 years total. The sex was great and frequent in the beginning. He would always initiate in the middle of the day and vice versa. Shower time...usually involved touching. I would always tell him that it was a good thing I had a good sex drive...or we'd be in trouble. He's a very sexual person.
We got pregnant a year ago. The sex had started to dwindle before that. During the summer it's understandable because he is a firefighter and he works hard every day at work. So I was understanding about that. This past year the sex has dwindled to once a week. Sometimes once every 2 weeks. We do have an 11 week old and I understand the exhaustion thing, but our child only wakes once a night and I am the one that gets up. Yet my sex drive seems to be strong as ever. My husband on the other hand...none. It's no longer the fire season and he is laid off...so being exhausted from work is no longer the case. He just seems uninterested. When I was pregnant he felt weird with sex. When we would have sex we had to do it doggy style because he felt weird looking/touching at my expanding abdomen. This was very hard for me because it made me feel very unattractive. I have 2 children from a previous relationship...my partner from that relationship was actually turned on by the pregnancy. At the end of my pregnancy with my husband I was begging him for sex to help soften my cervix. He made it feel more like a chore than intimacy. He'd complain about it and only do it because he knew I was getting uncomfortable and if it would help get baby out...then he'd do it.
Having just had a child it's been hard not having my prebaby body. His constant rejection isn't making me feel any better. I've done things to initiate things, but it's just returned with rejection. I've even tried to change tactics by doing the sexy demanding push him onto the bed stuff and I am yet rejected.
He's always been a VERY sexual man. I just don't understand what is going on.
Meggs,
You have already touched on one of the reasons why he appears to be disinterested. He was laid off. Suddenly the job that he loves doing is no more... at least for a season. When a man has no apparent "purpose", nothing to do except have idle time on his hands, he's not likely to feel all that good about himself. Consequently, not feeling good about one's self is a major reason why a sex drive will decline.
Now that it has been a year since your post.. I hope that your husband was able to find meaningful work, and that intimacy in your marriage has been restored to it's proper levels.
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