I have been with my wife for many years, but only married for about 3 1/2. We have 3 great kids and for the most part a decent finanical life. Our sex life has had its moments in our relationship, but pushing past my selfishness, 3 kids can do that. She has always been the strong and in control one in the relationship. From day one she has had very few girlfriends, and mostly guy friends. This is hard for a man, as insecure as myself to deal with. I feel that I am insecure because she has always been the strong and in control one. Had sex with more people than I, and cheated on me early in our realtionship, but she was young. While some people say "well there's your answer, I do not accept that." I do not believe that she has cheated physically since then, but a few years back before we married, we separated for about 3 months and to find out she slept with someone from her past. And now recently she has befriended this person again and has had our kids play with his a few a times. Hes single, and basically told her hes still in love with her and make comments that disrespect a married woman in my opinion. I am not a very open person, I struggle to speak my mind and I think this is because she was always the strong and incontrol one and always put the front up like, Im the best if you dont treat me good I will walk. So when it comes to talking to her about things its hard. I see a councelor for this reason. So a few times in our relationship she has mentioned wanting an open marriage, she says she never thought about it before until about a few years ago I mention a spouse type swap. Which I at the time was ok, both parties are in relationships comitted to each, know where they been and no chance of loving each other. Never happened and dropped quickly. Then about a few months after we married it was brought up again by her but this time wanting to do it with a guy she was hanging around with regularly. Basically told me sex with me is boring, its the same thing, and will never be different. I did not go with it and as far as I know and she tells me nothing happened. I have no choice but to believe her right. So we move on a few more years and it comes up again. This time it was well it would be something new, exciting and unknown. And stated by her that it is more for me than her because I want sex daily and she doesnt. I kept saying you know you will get it more and faster than I will, your a woman. She says she would maybe do it once and a while and it would probably make her realize that I am the one she wants anyway. So most guys would be like YEAH, right.....not totally me though. Hers a woman who cheated on me once that I know of, wanted an open marriage with someone she hung out with all the time, and she would only have sex once and a while? Really? Sex has no emotion for her so it doesnt mean anything...but she knows I attach emotion to sex so why would she risk me falling in love with someone else with an open marriage? So we fought about this forever and I still cant seem to put it to rest. I feel that she was asking for permission to do something she already was or wanted to do. I mean my mind plays tricks on me, always focuses on the negative. I mean we have 3 kids, shes at home with them and she goes to work. She barely goes out so why do I even let my mind play ticks on me. So this leads me into my messy world lately. I believe if anyone should be allowed to go sleep around it should be me! I mean she can have sex anytime with me, i'm right here. I know this is a childish and a double standard, but she had sex with more people than me, exp more, cheated on me, played with my emotions, hung out with a guy she knew she wanted to sleep with....My turn! She says things like go sleep with someone else, i rather you just do it and not tell me, or I say hey lets have a threesome and she says go find two girls I dont want to be a part of it. She says seeing me with another woman would hurt but not seeing it she would be ok with....Wow thats messed up. Things like that tell me to agree on the open marriage...I mention things like whats your fanasies, she dont have any she says, I mention sex toys, shes like na. I mention anal, shes like not interested. I try to tell her You are the last person I want to have sex with, everything I want to do and try is with you....then she says thats why I want an open marriage so you can. ARG.

So about 3 months ago I met a girl. And to be clear nothing sexual has happened because I am not sure I want to cross the line, plus sex complicates things. But shes younger, sweet, and easy to talk to. Its different than talking with my wife and I dont know if thats because its new and we have new things to talk about or if shes not as strong and in control as my wife. I feel that my communication with her is not totally open but more open. I have feelings for her as well, real sincere feelings, sexual too, but its not on the top of the list, and she appreciates that. I have told her I am married and she too is in a relationship, not a great one so she says but not the worst. Now what's weird is, I don't feel jealously around her, like I do with my wife. Me and wife are out in public and she talks to a guy or an old boyfriend, I flare up, and when I say something like what was that about, she gets mad, like you get mad at me for every guy i talk to or hang out with. With this new girl I don't feel that, is it maybe because she isnt my wife? She could go around talk to guys (and shes very cute, dont get me wrong) guys will hug her, give her comments, but she always keeps eye contact with me or she will sit by people and text me funny comments, and always come back to me. She will use me a bail out when a guy is trying to hit on her in a bar, and she just always says how much she appreciates me. She hates that I am married and says she wish things were different on both sides, but it is what it is. I am really trying to figure out whats going on in my head. I love my wife, our love has changed with marriage and kids, its not that young love, I love attention in public like this girl gives me, makes me feel confident. My wife is good looking too but I feel I dont get that from her. I have not talked about this with my wife and am afraid to obviously since the fear of anger and reject hovers over my head. Plus my kids are important. Anyone else have some advice for me to obsorb on a scenario like this? I am not a cheater, physically anyway, but afraid this may become something more.