Ladies,

Ever had one of those moments when he's not erect? I mean, sometimes I try everything and he doesn't get hard.

I'm usually game whenever he is but sometimes when I think we're about to have a hot time I'm discouraged to see that he's....well....soft.

At those times, even after I've tried lots of stuff, I wonder if I don't turn him on or something. It's emotionally painful. I mean, I want him hard and wanting to be with me ya know? Is this normal? What does it mean when he doesn't get an erection after we've made out and are both naked?

Frustrated.

I agree with Sean, mix things up. It could be stress or subconciously he may have worries in the back of his mind that are keeping him from being able to get fully erect. It could be many things. Don't start thinking it's you...that's a sure fire way to get down on yourself! Ask him what you can do for him that he would like. You could even take the initiative and plan a night out and end it by going "parking" haha! Seriously! Different settings, different ways of doing things, that can spice anything up ;)

 dont have that problem but mine is that i had an affair 12 yrs ago that my husband cant get out of his mind and when we have sex he says he sees me with the other guy and he continues the sex but he cannot climax at all. i really dont know how to help him through that

Ugggg! This can be so frustrating. It's been like 3 days since I've been able to see him aroused for me. I hear husbands talk about wives who aren't interested and that is so strange to me. I mean...he's got a female pleasure tool as part of his body for Pete's sake! If only his would work right for me!! I really think it's because he's not getting much sleep. But really....taking care of it myself is getting old.

At some point all men have an "erection disconnection." That's why drug companies make billions off products such as Viagra.

Remember these three things.

First, a man doesn't have to have an erection to orgasm. Neither does he have to have an erection to give you an orgasm. Erections are basically a transfer tube for sperm. Of course, they can cause friction of the woman's clitoris and the feeling of his being inside her can be very comforting and meaningful. If it "ain't happening" go on with the lovemaking anyway. Make sure that each of you has an orgasm if you can.

Second, there is a vacuum device that you can find in most drug stores. Unlike Viagra, it doesn't increase blood flow by medicinal means. It actually creates a vacuum around the penis that draws blood into it. Then an O-ring is placed at the base of the penis to keep the blood in. This works for many men.

Third, if the guy is willing to concentrate on the pleasure of the female, he could actually buy a dildo type apparatus that he places over his flaccid penis that creates an artificial erection that will please the female's sense of being filled, as well as possibly creating friction on the clitoris.

Finally, in response to the lady who said that her husband cannot climax because he continues to focus on her previous affair: Remind him that he can choose to think of something other than that. Ask him to concentrate on wonderful times you've had together laughing, talking, hugging, even pre-affair intercourse. If he chooses to remember the you that he didn't feel hurt by, he can have the orgasm again in all likelihood. (The fact that he doesn't could be a subconscious way to punish you. Help him get the hurt out. Take him to a counselor if you need to.)