lostinmarriage
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« on: February 16, 2011, 06:19:24 AM » |
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I don’t know what marriage is all about. I have heard its about compromise, but it is only one person who has to make the compromise? Or both the people feel the same way that they are making a bigger sacrifice then the other:
I am going to list down my problems loud n clear and not hesitate at all:
Is our marriage really a great one?
I feel deprived of emotional connection. He doesn’t see the need to talk heart to heart. He will be absolutely ok if I don’t talk to him for days to com. His life doesn’t get affected at all. I on the other hand m completely dependent on him for emotional support. Though I am also deprived of it but every time I still look forward for it.
When I tell him that I missed him or love him or that we need to spend time together and talk to each other, he thinks I am clinging to him. He doesn’t see the need to say or do any of those things. Even if we go out for dinner or any other outing he has nothing romantic to say to me EVER. Never does he share his deepest thoughts or emotions with me. That’s make me feel so left out
During our honeymoon he spent more time touching the laptop then he did touching me. There was nothing like wild romantic side to him. Going on a honeymoon was like a favor to me as he working almost 50% of the time. N when I told him not to leave me alone he used to get agitated by telling me that how do u think we are paying for this very expensive honeymoon. If I don’t work how will I get the money?
It was heart breaking to hear those words every single night. We fought and argued and I threw tantrums but nothing really bothered him. It only affected me
Looking at life after honeymoon I don’t know how to describe it.
He comes back from work and sticks to the TV like a dog to the bone. While watching TV he is also surfing the net. (says to me doing some very imp work – which happens every single night). I can understand if the “imp work” comes once in a while but I fail to understand how does he manage to have very important work every single day! N its so critical everyday as if he didn’t reply to that mail then the world will come to an end. And when I ask him ‘what are u doing on your laptop’ I get this dirty stair that probably says get the hell of by back n let me live my life the way I want to.
Once he is done hogging the TV he gets stuck to his laptop to reply to every email that comes to him in the night. Every piece of work is so imp that it has to be done NOW. So when I look at him wit the eyes that hello I exist and u need to be with me I get a stair back that u r interrupting my very important work.
I had asked him to stop getting his laptop to bed coz it takes away the very little time we get to be with each other but it seems that idea also did not go down that well. He tired not bringing laptop to be but that increases his TV viewing time (as while watching TV he is also sitting on the laptop). But a few days later he started cribbing that how he is getting bored to go to be bed as there is nothing to “Switch him off” his laptop supposedly prepared him to go to sleep. N how boring life has got .. which directly implies to me that since I asked him not to get his laptop to bed his life has got boring or maybe he finds my company completely boring
Weekends are the worst – I jus hang around in the background to spend any little time with my husband so that we can catch up about what happened during the weekday or just simply to talk but doesn’t happen at all. He is glued to the TV and all I am doing is trying to have a conversation with him with no inclination from him side, trying to make my presence felt which he boldly ignores. By the end of the day I am totally frustrated and irritated to so or do anything at all so we land up in an argument everytime. That’s y I hate weekends and now I wish they don’t come at all. Coz it only leads to more and more fights. In one of the fights he went up to saying that we works so that he can earn more money, keep his boss happy, get more client and many more things but he didn’t mention where do I fit in his life. I think I shud I hve asked him that what is it u r doing for me? Where is it that I fit-in in ur life?
I just hang around in the background trying to find my place or my space I have tried to sit n watch tv with him but then I feel like a idiot sitting and staring at the idiot box to things that I don’t even want to watch. I get bored and get up and sit in our room since I have NOTHING to do. I finish all my work in office so that I have free time at home, even I hve a “very imp” project to complete I make sure I complete my work in office so that I have no left overs coming home with me. But that makes me look like an idiot because since I don’t bring home work my work seems less important. But everytime he sees me on my laptop he has a taunt ready for me saying why r u touching ur laptop if I m not allowed to touch mine?
That question literally boils my blood coz 1. I hate using my laptop at home 2. I m forced to use at home since I have nothing to do and I have to pretend to do something atleast. 3 I use it only for few minutes as compared to hours that he does.
By the time he is done watching TV and surfing the net he then takes a shower and spends some time sitting on the shit pot gathering his thots (with the laptop again). I jus keep waiting that we will come out and talk to me but by that time I have already been exhausted waiting for so I guess I fall asleep. He then complains that how can I sleep so early?
I have told him a million times that I hate going to sleep alone and that make an effort to spend time with me once u come back from work but I only get one thing in return: I get abuses in return. He tells me that how can I ask him to change his entire lifestyle jus for me? How can I ask him to stop doing wat he has been doing for the past 29 years? I want to know m asking for too much? My life has changed completely after marriage as I am settling in a new environment amongst new people, I m not doing things that I usually do and nobody even bothers about it. He doesn’t care what I did before marriage and how my life has changed after marriage. All he tells me that I am asking him to change!
Before marriage he had promised me that he will help me with the household work but he doesn’t even lift his finger. He expects me do everything despite knowing the fact that I haven’t done any of the house work ever in my life. I am taking so much efforts to do things that I do don’t do so that it keeps people around me happy but its all going un noticed. He doesn’t care. When we argue he says I didn’t ask u to do any of that so why are u complaining don’t do if u don’t have to, u r doing out of your own will so don’t complain.
I don’t seem have any importance in his life neither has he accepted the fact that he is married now and he his life will also change a bit (if not a lot since he is GUY)
I cannot forget the comment he made the other day – I haven’t slept peacefully a single day after marriage, and I don’t enjoy going to bed anymore! That’s what every newlywed girl wants to hear!! Isn it?
I am lost somewhere in my new married life. Will he ever understand what I am feeling or will I always be lost in my so called marriage.
I am very frustrated
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