How Much Commitment

sftynet
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« on: June 02, 2010, 12:20:29 AM »

I am a married man 55yrs old, got married at 17 to the same woman for 39yrs, she has had health issues for 25--30yrs and never has initiated sexual advances. I had an affair 3yrs after we were married we struggled together off and on for 4---5yrs not apart for long any one time however. She has slept with 5 or 6 differnent guys I think, I found it odd that she put that much effort into hooking up with other guys and one of them was my cousin. Three yrs ago she went to visit the area that my cousin lives in and I jokingly told her to go jump in the sack with him to see what she would do. Sounds wierd but if she were more happy with him that was ok too, the last thing I want to do was have her miserable with me. So she comes back home and we never talked about it actually I kind of forgot then one day something happened and she ended up telling me YES I went to bed with your cousin, DAM. So my current dilema is I really want to be single now but fianancially it will be tough because I care for her and don't want her to have a harder life. I just want someone that finds me attractive and wants to put their hands all over me. I'm not a bad looking guy and take care of myself weight wise and grooming. I just want to feel passion and romance. ADVICE PLEASE!


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JoeBeam
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Re: How Much Commitment

« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2010, 11:19:24 AM »

It sounds as if your marriage needs a complete overhaul. There is no simple advice for the situation you describe...several affairs, physical problems, etc. I strongly suggest that you seek out a great marriage counselor or that you and your wife enroll for a weekend with us. We do a workshop for marriages in crisis that is designed to be a turnaround weekend. It doesn't solve all your problems, but it gives you the tools, the directions, and the motivation to do what needs to be done. You can find out more about it by clicking the link near the top of this page about our next LovePath 911 Workshop.

By the way, I think it would be much better if you don't mention, even joking, that she might want to sleep with another man.


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Each month I do a three-day workshop for couples having difficulties. You can find out more HERE.

Joanna
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Re: How Much Commitment

« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2010, 10:34:16 AM »

I agree w/ Joe! I think that was a mistake about you joking about sleeping w/ your cousin! She may not have even thought about it till you mentioned it. And if you want to work on your marriage, then I suggest you be proactive and enroll in the LovePath 911 workshop...as Joe said it is a turn around weekend and I believe it will help the both of you!


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"Marriage problems? Get off your tail and do something about it." ~ Me

soulover
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Re: How Much Commitment

« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2010, 03:57:46 PM »

Quote from: sftynet on June 02, 2010, 12:20:29 AM

She has slept with 5 or 6 differnent guys I think, I found it odd that she put that much effort into hooking up with other guys and one of them was my cousin. . So she comes back home and we never talked about it actually I kind of forgot then one day something happened and she ended up telling me YES I went to bed with your cousin, DAM. . ADVICE PLEASE!

If this comment is inappropriate for you please forgive me but since my wife has shown that she has deep mental issues, I tend to look at others issues to see if there as similarities. My wife is undiagnosed but seems to be BDP (Borderline Personality Disorder) candidate. Our marriage lasted about one year and she made me leave her twice in that time. She is self-destructive with an eating disorder and can get very deeply depressed at times.
I wandered around looking for a possible explanation to my circumstances and Since there are over 16 million BPD's out there, just wondering if that would help.


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sandraB
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Re: How Much Commitment

« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2010, 06:01:42 AM »

You need a clean slate. Whether you start that with your wife or begin a new life apart, take stock of what your past life has been. An affair 3 years into marriage? Her numerous daliances with other men? It's all so unreal. You need to change the way you do things.

I'd take your wife aside and say, hey look, we both screwed up but let's focus on each other now and stick to our core marriage vows and see what that gets you. There's a reason there's vows to stick to; sticking to them creates happy marriages and thus, happy people.

It's like religion. People say who needs it. But it statistically makes for happy people, healthier families. There's a reason for everything.


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