I do not know what to do. I sometimes feel like I am married to the most insensitive human being. He breaks my heart all the time with his harsh comments and selfishness.
We have a lot of issues. We argue all the time. I say something is red, and he hears me say its green. We have major communication issues. We start counseling next week. I can't wait til then... I need help now!
I've been sick the past 3 weeks on and off. My husband recently broke his hand due to loss of self control in an argument. So he can't work for a minimum of the next 4 weeks. I have a crappy immune system because I have a lot of stress and am just now learning how to relax and do down time so I can not get colds so often. I also get epstein barr virus once or twice a year flare ups, because that's my body's favorite weakness. Enough background on that.
This morning I left a note before I went to work that I wouldn't be up for going to the gym tonight with him as planned because I was sick (I never really cancel on the gym because he's told me how important it is that I don't, and we dont really go to the gym together much anyway, which really upsets him). I had told him the night before, I'm pretty sure my virus came back, i gotta take it easy for a little bit and take care of myself. He said good.
This morning when he saw the note, he was very harsh with me, and expressed his dissapointment that he would've gone the day before to the gym if I wasn't going with him tonight. He was being really selfish, and hard on me, for not feeling well. (This has been on and off for 3 weeks and I've been trying to take care of myself and not take too much time off work because my husband isnt working, remember? I had taken 2 days off already, and one of those days tried to go to the Dr.'s but in an error of Kaiser's, they made it impossible for me to get to the appointment - told me the wrong address). He didn't care at all that I didn't feel well, just that I was imposing on him and making his life not good by saying I couldn't gym that night. This may not sound like a big deal written out. But it was, he was really harsh to me. I felt badly all day long at work, it was terrible feeling like he didn't care I was sick and just didn't plain care about me.
Underlying issue: I dont feel cared about. I dont feel enough sympathy or enough care when i most need when i have a stupid cold. I am not sick all the time. And when i am, I take care of myself. He rarely helps. But when i am sick, sympathy makes me heal so much faster!
I came home, tried to sensitively tell him about it.. .instead of moping and feeling uncared about.. which he has required of me. He got upset, said he wasn't being harsh, that yes he was dissapointed and he doesn't have to apologize for anything.
I told him specifically.. so that he wasn't confused or lost... that I only wanted to know that he cared that I wasn't feeling well, and to be told that he didn't mean to be so harsh. That was my goal of the conversation i told him.
We aren't speaking for the rest of the night.
What do I do. Why isn't he sensitive to me. What did I do wrong?
He is honestly the most insensitive person I personally know. (He got livid at me for greiving over the loss of my two darling dogs who were my life... three weeks into the greiving process. He has since become more understanding, but it is honestly that if he doesnt agree with how I feel, he REFUSES to say anything liek oh honey, I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that. Simple. Easy. No condemming. )
What do I DO if he just doesnt care????