Hi ,

I am Ravi and I am 30 years old , male from India.I am single and ready to get married.Few months back I met a girl (the meeting was arranged by each others family members).I knew when I was meeting the girl that it was for marriage and after that my opinion would be sought , whether I like the girl or not.

At that time , I didnt really talk much with the girl and just had a brief conversation and after the meeting I pretty much gave my consent to this relationship and even the girl agreed.

3 weeks back we exchanged phone numbers and started talking on the phone and the first couple of conversations were fine and the objective here was to get to know each other and connect.

The dilemma that I am facing is I am not feeling any connection with the girl , I just dont feel like calling her and plus I find her accent repulsive (she is from the country side and I am from the city) .There is nothing wrong with the girl , she is sweet and pretty, her character is impeccable , ready to make adjustments for me, holds a masters degree etc etc .But because of her accent and the way she talks , I just dont feel like talking to her.

I spoke about this issue to my parents and they are trying to convince me by saying that it is a minor issue and her accent and the way she talks will change after she moves to the city but I am just not convinced.I just dont feel the connection with her.
Sometimes I feel I should go ahead with the marriage and things will iron out and sometimes I feel what if later on I just cant bear it anymore .Maybe its a minor issue for some but for me the way a person talks is much more important than physical attributes.

This is a typical Indian arranged marriage and I am someone who has always been independent and stayed single for most of my twenties.My parents are trying their best to convince me and I am myself highly confused .I dont want to hurt the girl or keep her in doubt or limbo and if I say 'no' straight away ...I feel I may lose out on a good girl who is genuinely interested in me.

I know I may have said 'yes' after our first meeting and its only after these telephonic conversations, I have realised this problem.

I just dont like the way she talks and her accent,and thats it , there is no other issue.I am worried if I say 'no' I will regret this later .Also all the conversations we had over the phone , she was the one who called except the first time.I never really felt like calling her the way I feel like calling any female colleague or a female friend of mine.

What shall I do ?

P.S: I am sorry if the mesage was too long , I had to be explicit.

Ravi,

I understand your situation. Although I don't understand the "arranged marriage" I do understand why you would not be attracted to her. You have had no other relationship with her other than to meet her and be told that she is your future wife. That has got to be hard! You haven't had any interaction at all to know if you like her or not. So when you do, she's physically appealing and spiritually appealing (b/c you share the same beliefs) but she's not appealing in the sound category. That may seem shallow to some people but in this situation, when you are pretty much being forced to marry someone, that can be a big deal!

Maybe if the situation were different and you weren't being put in this situation of having to decide so quickly, things would be different. If you were friends before this and developed a relationship slowly then maybe her accent wouldn't bother you so much. Is there any way you can "date" for a while? Do you have to give your answer quickly? If not, tell your parents how you feel and try to develop a relationship with this girl over time. Don't rush it. I know if I was told to "like" somebody then I'd find every excuse NOT to like them! That's human nature. You don't want to be told who to like and definitely don't want to be told who to marry.

Just talk to your parents. You don't want to be miserable for the rest of your life. But, if you think you can live with it and if you believe her accent will grow on you or even change when she moves to the city, then go for it. Just listen to your gut on this one and don't let anyone decide for you.