Wow!

This is the first time in over a year I feel God is guiding me, instead of just watching me with disappointment.  I didn't know this forum existed until this morning when I was on my way to work.  I was listening to the radio and - lo and behold - Joe Beam was slated to be on!  Years ago we attended the N. Augusta C of C and I recognized the name.  He hadn't come on the radio before I got to work, so I went to the radio website, and that led me here.

I am 44 years old, have been married 23 years, and have been having an affair the last year and a half. It started off as a harmless "secret admirer" email sent by a coworker.  Satan always seems harmless at first.  Emailing soon led to flirting.  Flirting led to meeting; meeting to a full-blown affair.   Satan had set his trap well - My husband and I started having financial problems at the same time the flirting started.  By the time it had grown into an affair, I had taken an extra part-time weekend job that was supposed to be on Saturdays, but only Sunday shifts were available.  How I resented my husband!  Even though the solution was ours together, I resented working 6 days a week.  But, secretly, I was also relieved to not have to to go to church and face my Christian brothers and sisters every week.

My husband is a good and Godly man who truly honors me as his wife and the mother of our children - my mistakes are my own.  I own that, but up until today didn't see any hope that there was life after....  I am in love with the man I am having the affair with, but I want to be in love with my husband again. 

Please be patient with me.   As I read the insightful comments and slog through this jungle of lies I have trapped myself in, I hope to work up the courage to end all this.  This is a baby-step for me, a ray of hope that someday my life and soul will be back on track.

Pray for me. 

I know all the things I should do - end the affair, quit my job, attend a workshop, come clean with my husband  (who knows all about it, but thinks it ended).  I just can't do it by myself. 

So, please pray for me....

Man, you are not kidding about the devil... 

I am the major breadwinner in our family - I make about 4 times what my husband does between my 2 jobs - and the opportunities to replace my job are few.  I have talked to my husband about selling our house and reducing our debt so that I will have an easier time making ends meet, but he is totally against it.  He says that my infidelity is my problem and I shouldn't punish our children by making them change homes and schools.  I know if I threatened to leave he would change his tune, but I feel I have hurt him enough without making idle threats.   But, work then becomes my happy place where my (What? - boyfriend sounds so childish, lover too trashy, can I just say heart?) heart is.... 

What a mess!!!  I feel like I am being slowly pulled under...

Well, I have signed up for a LovePath 911 workshop....  I am scared, I am having a hardtime not talking to the other man, I feel as if weight of the world is on my shoulders...  It has been so hard to come to the decision to end the affair, but I want to give my marriage a fighting chance.  Please continue to pray for me and my husband.

I look forward to seeing you next weekend. It will be a good weekend for us all.

I can understand you feeling the "dread" of going! But look at it this way, you are getting the help you need...the help you want. Maybe God put you in the right place to hear Joe's name so you would look into the workshop.

So, don't go into the weekend dreading it. Go into the weekend expecting a miracle and grateful for the second chance to save your marriage. Didn't you say that is was hard to convince your husband to attend the workshop in the first place? Take what you can get at this point and don't take it for granted.

Praying that this weekend is a turning point for you and your husband...for your marriage. Keep us posted!