Many months ago I had an affair while I was away in another country.  Upon my return my wife found out.  She confronted me about it and of course like any good cheater, I lied about it.  Finally I came clean.  After much conversation she decided she would not divorce me and take our kids.  I attended counseling and successfully completed it.  However, here recently I think she is having second thoughts.  I cant say that I blame her, after all I crushed her beyond believe.  She told me say cant trust me and does not believe anything I say.  She said no matter where she looks or what she does something reminds her of my affair.  Then the on thing that hurt was she said she could not brag about me to her friends anymore.  Then she said she does not believe in God, because why would God let this happen.

I know I made the biggest mistake of my life.  If I could I would go back and take it all away.  I love my wife with all my heart and would die if I did not have her.  However, I do understand the pain I put her through, because this is both of our second marriage.  My first wife cheated on me like there was no tomorrow and her first husband did the same.  Then I show up and show her all men are cheaters.  I want to be the man she first met and married.  I want to be the man she feel in love with.  I don't want to lose her but I feel that it may be to late.  She has had a rough year, her knight in shining armor turned out to be a donkeys butt, her best friend left for another country, and then she feels like she has no identity other being the kids mom.

I pray every night that God's will be done.  Just don't want it to be divorce.

Thanks for the ear.

I am sad to hear about what happened. My husband cheated on me a few years ago as well. As a woman who has experienced this it is the worst thing that can happen to someone. I don't think people realize how hurtful this action is. It affects a personal mental and emotional health. I know I was depressed and I felt like my self-esteem had really been affected. I guess the reason why I tell you these things is because people who cheat don't think about the other person. They act on that moment. If you really want to make things work I would suggest:
(1) Make sure you make it clear that she is the only person you want to be with. Tell her this all the time.
(2) Show her she can trust you. Maybe call her, tell her where you are going, make changes in your life to avoid being in the same situation, etc. This will help her build more trust for you. Only you know what you need to do.
(3) Go to counseling. You guys need to talk about this. She needs to get her feelings out about her hurt to you in a constructive way that will help her heal and will help you understand why you did this.
(4) Lastly, be prepared for the long term affects. It will not be an easy ride. I know that 4 years later since the incident happened, I still feel sad. Sometimes I will see infidelity on a movie or something and it will affect me because I will think about what happened. It never goes away completely but with time maybe you can heal the relationship. Only if you both are truly invested in it. I know that like you wife I too had second thoughts after I decided to stay with my husband. I was not sure if I was making the right decision because of the trust. You need to work hard to show her you love her.