My wife and I have been married for 5 years.

She stays at home with our 2-year-old son. I know all the Bible-eese about full quivers, and sending a message into the next generation that will outlive you... yada yada yada.

It seems like a never ending battle with her feeling like she never "accomplishes" anything. There are always more dishes, laundry and toys on the floor to contend with.

We come pretty close to a date night a week hiring a babysitter, depending on the season she often goes out on top of that... It just never seems like enough for her.

Any suggestions?

Well, I'm kind of like that. I still feel like a big kid and want to go out and do stuff. Plus my energy builds as the day goes. I start very slow in the morning (I'm not a morning person) and need coffee to get going. Then as it gets closer to night I start reving up and fight sleep when I finally do get sleepy.

So sometimes it's depressing when the house settles down and I have all that energy! So I feel like something is missing if there's not something special or exciting going on that night. Something to look forward to like going out to a nice restaurant, a movie, out with some friends...a wine tasting...something. So maybe develop a more exciting life that you'll both enjoy. Why not?

 ::juggleit: As you read what's next I'd ask you to suspend disbelief for a moment and consider this process.

Something we've found that is powerful in our relationship. Capturing some time once a week or so to really talk.  Our model:  Each of us has 10 minutes to talk about
(1) What is frustrating the person right now (things that we're experiencing as individuals),
(2) What dreads we have as individuals (things coming up or might come up);
(3) Asking the question Am I ____ (fill in the blank) (being a good mother, father, husband etc);
(4) Any Ah-Has we've had recently (a realization to share);
(5) Any opportunities  we have in front us (as individuals);
(6) What the person has to be grateful for
(7) What the person is celebrating celebrating and
(8) An "I Am Statement.  A chance to affirm the things we're doing or trying.

No interuptions while the other is talking---listen and take notes. Trade roles. When both are done go back and ask any clarifying questions of one another to fully understand.  Identify topics you can crawl into a discuss in detail.

This is not a date night like thing or a diversion---its an opportunity to have a structured discussion where you'll both find ways to talk about the things that are really important and to take some actions to address what's really important.   

Have a kleenex box close at hand.  They will be needed.  Again, suspend disbelief and give this a try---I suspect you'll find some startling outcomes, and some interesting ideas that will break the monotony that sometimes strangles a relationship.  I can point you to a web site for some more info if you'd like

I hope all of you couples take this to heart.  Randy and I are grads from LP 911.  We have been married for 34 years this Sept 8th. Raised 4 daughters. So I can say with experience that we have been through the kids, the dishes, juggeling time for one another etc.  There is a book that helped me in getting the time that I needed.  What you do with the time is up to you.   The book is called "From Pig Pen to Paradise" by Pam Brace and Peggy Jones. They are 2 sisters that got together because they were having the same problems  we all face. I think the book is out of print but most local libraries have a copy. It is fantastic.  It has a very simple program to organize your home.  They have been on the Today Show etc... and used to teach seminars.  In fact I used to travel for them and do seminars... They now have a web site.  Google: The Slob Sisters.. or maybe From Pig Pen to Paradise.   After you get on the program you can have everything done by 10:00 am - 11:00am. The rest of the day is yours... and yes in this day and age of working wives you can also do it .. Just by a different means.. You won't have as much time but you will have extra time. Again, its what you do with it. Oh by the way,,,did I mention the best part?  You don't have to do all the work. Any questions just contact me personally... add me to your list. Lots of ideas left over from the seminars that were not in the book.  Plus it is a hilarious read.
Bobbi

The problem I have is that though I think I'm a good listener...and been told so...good at listening to wife, kids...my wife will take the bath..shave...get ready...and then climb into bed and sorta rehash all the work, kid, non-intimate things for quite a while...its late already.  By the time were done....shes yawning...and so am I. 

She most likely is nude already...but its a big turnoff.  We do spend sometime already talking over the kid and work stuff (and most can be talked about in front of children).  I've started mentioning this...no resolution yet...I would appreciate ideas...

Have you considered protecting the sanctity of the bedroom, such that no how-was-your-day, blah-blah housework, budget, schedule, etc. conversations are allowed in the bedroom?

They are happening.  That's great!  You are a smart man.  Maybe reserve about fifteen minutes per night to review those things while in the living room or at the kitchen table.  THEN go take that shower and show up naked in the bed.  Who knows?  Maybe you'll find something else to do with that time....  ;-)

josek,

I'm a stay @ home mom so I totally understand how your wife feels! It is a never ending job...toys, dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning...the list goes on and cirlcles back around and it NEVER ends!!! And what makes it worse is that you never "leave" your job. You live in it.

I struggle with having a good attitude about things. B/c I always feel that I too can never "accomplish" anything. I get frustrated very easily b/c it seems that after I can get the house clean, there is always another mess to tackle and I can never stay on top of things. If I do get everything clean (for guests) then the house may stay that way for a day or two but then it's right back to being a pig sty :) But having 2 boys does make it a little impossible to keep everything clean!

As for your wife, I would suggest maybe lending her a hand now and then so she doesn't feel like she has to do ALL the work. And don't wait for her to ask you. If you see something, then do it. I think that is one of the sweetest things a husband can do for a wife, just help her out! I know some people think that if the husband works and the wife keeps the house then she has no business asking for his help with things. I don't agree with that! I'm not saying to put him to work as soon as he walks in but I think that it's ok to ask for help every once in a while. Housewives get overwhelmed and stressed out very easily! Especially when you still have little kids in the home!

I think I got on a soap box with all that :)   But, this has been an issue in our house for years! We really haven't found a way to solve it yet though. But, just help her out with things here and there and DO take at least 2 date nights a month. You need that time together to reconnect with each other. Even if you drop the kids off at the grandparents and then go home and have dinner together and watch a movie or favorite show. Parents need to not be parents every once in a while and be spouses :)

Try getting a babysitter and going out for a few days. Get a room at a nice hotel, have dinner out, perhaps have a few drinks then when the date is over you can come back to your hotel room and be totally and completely alone with each other which probably doesn't happen often because you have kids. Perhaps pick up a few toys online before hand to add some extra spice to sex. Sip on some wine, watch some tv, even order pizza. Do whatever makes you two happy. It's always nice to have a night or two away from the kids.