My wife and I have been together for 17 years total, 15.5 of that as man and wife. We have had issues sexually, but for the most part our sex life is great. It's good for both of us and we try to do it a least once week, preferably twice. If things aren't working, we talk about it. But most importantly we are faithful to one another and that makes sex really mean something. It lets us be more comfortable with one another. It opens a spiritual connection in addition to the physical one.
I think people need to think less about "me" and think more about "we". If you committ to the relationship, personal satisfaction will come about on its own.