I have been married to my beautiful, loving wife for 10 years and we have been together for 16 years, we have 2 children. We met as friends as she worked for me and after 2 years got together. It was all very exiting at the beginning, we bought our first house, got married etc etc We did have sex but it was not regular and infact she did question this before we got married, I guess we thought I had a low sex drive and was not a very tactile person. I had only had 2 serious relationships prior to that and they again were not massively sexual.
As children came along the sex got less and less frequent, every couple of months became once or twice a year. Our first child took 2 and a half years to conceive, not because of any physical issues but mainly because we were not having sex often enough at the correct times. I remember feeling a strange kind of relief when she fell pregnant as this meant we would not need to have sex for 9 months.
The strange thing is that I find my wife stunning, I always have and I have always felt very lucky to be with her. We always got on extremely well and people used to comment how happy we were.
My wife settled with the fact that I was just not that interested in sex but pressures of life and a young family caused us to argue about things in a way that we never had before and the affection in our relationship started to go as well.
I met an old friend whilst out one night, we had so much fun and I felt a strange physical attraction to her and I could feel that it was mutual, one thing led to another and we kissed. I felt mortified and thought about confessing all to my wife which I should have done but I could not stop thinking about the other woman. We did not meet up again until 3 months after that kiss but kept in touch through text and email etc . She was everything that my wife wasn't, I was attracted to her mentally as well as physically and although I did not see her as stunning as my wife I found her very sexual. One thing led to another and the affair reached another level, we were having sex alot and all of a sudden I began to realise that I was a very affectionate person and quite highly sexual. The affair went on and off for over a year with both of us stopping contact at various stages as we knew it was wrong but something kept on bringing us back together.
I realised that the affair had to end and I suppose I did not go about it in the right way, if there really is a right way ! and did not take the other woman's feelings into consideration just focussing on my wife and the hurt that I had caused her. I confessed all but she had already worked it out and naturally she was devastated. Not only had I had an affair, I had been sexual with another woman and had lied to her for a year. These were all completely out of character.
My wife and I are still trying to reconcile and it has been a very difficult 6 months. The problem is that I still do not see her in a sexual way, stunning yes!, kind yes!, do I love her yes! but if I came home and she was laying on the bed in her underwear would I want to have sex with her? No. I just dont understand why I dont see her in that way and I am not sure if I ever have. I have spoken to other people about this who have suggested that I may love her like a sister or that I am staying because of the guilt or am too scared to leave her because of what I have done, I really dont know. I do still think about the other woman alot and try and understand why I was so attracted to her.
Naturally this issue of sexual desire has become even more of an issue because of what I have done and I have spoken to my wife about it which of course hurt her even more which is the last thing I wanted to do. She does not understand how I can think she is beautifull and not want to have sex with her and neither do I
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