My husband is bored w/our sex life and is tired of initiating sex w/me.
My husband was w/a stripper for seven years before me and is used to having extraordinary sex. I'm shy and not that experienced, but have been willing to try most anything.
Problem is he won't initiate sex anymore and has criticized or not even recognized my attempts at initiating sex. He has made me feel STUPID for the things I have done to initiate sex. One of the first times I tried to initiate sex he got irritated with me and said, "you can't just go straight for the penis!" rolled over irritated and went to sleep.
After that it was ALOT harder to initiate, but I just tried to start somewhere else.
He says he doesn't feel sexy or wanted because I rarely initiate sex. After hearing this, I decided to try lingerie or sexy panties. I actually initiated sex several times like this, but he still says I NEVER initiate sex. I'm so frustrated by that because it is so hard for me knowing he has such high expectations and I really have NO clue what he really wants from me.
In our last argument I brought out several pairs of panties and lingerie outfits to remind him that I actually had tried my best to initiate sex with him. He laughed at me. He mocked me and said those things were sexy, but he's not a child.
I don't even want to try anymore. I have no clue what to do and when we try to talk about it...we fight BAD!
I did try one time after that and he was gracious enough to thank me, but I just felt like crying. Nothing was different so he must have been disappointed.
I am too embarrassed to even try right now and I just feel like a huge failure every single day wether I try or not. I know that I am not making him happy either way.

Thank You so much for your reply. It was very insightful.

Unfortunately for me my husband's past sex life WAS extraordinary. Any sexual fantasy you can think of, he has likely experienced more than once! I think that the use of illegal drugs was also very regular.
He got with the stripper when he was 18 yrs. old and was with her for seven years.
He has also viewed adult content since he was a kid. He refrains from viewing in my presence now out of respect for me, but I'm sure hasn't given it up altogether.
He is 33 yrs. old now and we have been together for the past seven years. We have a 2 yr. old baby and our sexual problems have definitely taken a turn for the worse since she has yet to sleep through the night and I am exhausted.
His expectations do seem to be unrealistic, unless you're a porn star or on drugs.
I feel like I am and have to compete with his past to make him happy. There is NO way that I can live up to that .
We are in counseling right now, but are working individually because we can't seem to get much accomplished together. I am doing emdr therapy and he is about to start so the sex problem is going to have to wait awhile to be addressed.
It is an awful feeling for a woman to know that she doesn't make her husband as happy as he is used to feeling sexually. What's worse is knowing that for the rest of your life, you never will...That is my struggle and heartbreak.

I think the majority of men in general think that sex needs to be like a porno. Ridiculous! Your husband lived that "life" for 7 years and obviously got it in his head that every sexual encounter needed to live up to that.

What he needs to realize, and I agree w/ gman on this, is that's not normal or realistic. You can have great sex w/o all the elaborate stuff. I don't know what your husband experienced back then, but it was definitely out there by the way you described it.

Why don't you just ask him what he expects? And then you can voice your expectations as well and both of you come to a compromise. That will have to be what happens. You can't recreate what he was a part of when he was 18. So you have to find what works for both of you now.