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Author Topic: No sex? No problem in my house.  (Read 4711 times)
pooh bear
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« on: April 06, 2010, 09:41:32 AM »
Seems there was a time thats all I thought about. I'm a 44 yr old male married 7 years and my wife and I have sex maybe on my birthday, or New Years Eve. So twice a year. Seems like plenty.

Neither of us veiw it as a problem, just a curious eccentricity specific to our relationship. I suspect eventually we will be completely asexual beings.

We have a great relationship and you don't really miss what you have no desire for. Moreover, I just don't think about sex at all from one day to the next, i.e. no lusting after other women/pornography...thank God!

I am curious as to why the desire simply fell off a cliff though. Anyone have a theory? Thanks.
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DR S
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« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2010, 01:10:05 PM »
I can't wait to read Joe's responce to this !!!
 Funny thou...... At about the same age my sex drive dropped. I thought I was finally learning "self-control". It was during the same time as our marriage problems.

 Some years later, my drive has increased but not to the level it was in my 20's and 30's. And twice a year is not what I mean.

 Lets hear from the Doctor. How about it Joe?

 Dr S.

 By the way, whatever you and your wife think is enough....... is enough.
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JoeBeam
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« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2010, 10:02:51 AM »
There are many reasons that desire may fade. At your age to have no desire is unusual. It's interesting that your wife also has no desire. If you were to see a therapist both of you might be diagnosed as HSDD, hypoactive sexual desire disorder. I'm glad it's not causing a problem, but one of the questions we have to ask in sexual matters is whether this is situational or global. In other words, if either of you entered a different relationship you would find that you once again have a desire, or would you have no desire no matter whom or what.

If situational, then one question becomes what is it in your relationship that led to that, and could it possibly be lying in wait to cause a major unravel sometime down the road. Another question becomes what would happen if either of you were to become attracted to someones else. Not saying you will, but in our business we must always consider that possibility.

In short, I would suggest you not think of this as a peculiarity that has no detrimental effect. While that may be true, it seems out of the ordinary. Therefore, there may be something that needs to be repaired before it causes other problems. I could be wrong, of course, but I caution you to be wise.
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pooh bear
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« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2010, 02:45:57 PM »
Thank you Dr. Beam!

We were just discussing this oddness last night. We are both reading your LovePath. We have both grown from this reading markedly after hitting some minor bumps in the road that were not of a sexual nature.

I understand the importance now to aspire to new heights to keep the relasionship fresh. I look more intently at our sex life and see if we can make some progress without hurried anxiety.

God bless you! 
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Mochajava
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« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2010, 03:44:38 PM »
If it doesn't seem to be a problem for either of you than I don't see a problem. Don't feel you should have sex because other people are, everyone is different. You're also middle aged and people do lose their sex drive when they get a bit older.
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Joanna
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« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2010, 04:55:19 PM »
Yes, but just b/c they are middle aged doesn't mean they lose their sex drive altogether.

It may just be at a low point right now, but don't get discouraged. Do things to put the excitement back into it. Sometimes it takes getting away from your familiar surroundings and going on a "sex-cation" :) I've heard of many couples that do that! Once you're away, you feel the stress of everyday lives lift and you're more carefree and relaxed. And best of all, you're with your spouse and you can create new memories together ;)
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"Marriage problems? Get off your tail and do something about it." ~ Me
hotzy
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« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2010, 03:26:48 PM »
Oh gosh do I need a sexcation right now!

 Make out!
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pooh bear
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« Reply #7 on: June 10, 2010, 08:43:05 AM »
Its been a while since my last visit here and all I can say is there has been no real change in our frequency which of course means that it ain't happening.

Niether one of us feel like we are really missing something. Weird to some I know but you don't miss what you never get on a regular basis.

The quality of our relationship is great by our own estimation. I think it would be an added unnecessary stress to have sex just because others are doing it more. A sexcation would sound like a good idea, but we are who we are and traveling to romantic get aways never changed things in the past.

Happily, unhorney ever after we be!
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songman61
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« Reply #8 on: September 16, 2011, 03:14:46 PM »
You stopped working. Do you either of you battle a weight problem?
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ambivalenceK
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« Reply #9 on: November 23, 2011, 02:04:35 PM »
My husband is 31 and I am 28 and we have sex maybe 3 times a year. At first it was ok with me, thinking it's just how it is and we can fix it, but recently I found out he started paying for sex and then dated an escort girl. He said maybe it's his subconscious of wanting to fix our intimacy problems that's why he wanted to "try" other women. Apparently it did not help, and our marriage is broken right now.
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