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Author Topic: So what gives?  (Read 1665 times)
Redcar
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« on: November 23, 2011, 09:27:59 AM »
No sex, no love making, no nothing! In the last year I've had sex with my wife maybe 4times,maybe! Birthday nope, fathersday nope! It's to the point that I've stopped asking/trying! I get made when I do think about it, because I've been rejected for so long. So everytime I'm in the mood i just have to put it out of my mind, because I know not to even try!
 Her friends have made nice comments about me, so has my brothers wife! My best friends ex wife, an last night a friend of hers was trying to make moves on me! I'm not a cheater, not going to step out of my marriage, but what gives? It seems like everybody wants to fuck except my wife! She's not wanting to workout or eat right with me! Dec 1st I start back at the gym, I'm going to have to lead be examle I guess?
I'm at aloss why she rejecting me? Were 30,31 I'm not bad looking, or to bad out of shape. Haven't been mean, or an ass! Got her gifts for her birthday, an other special days! She knows with me that when the sex stops everything else shuts down! I'm at my end with trying as you can tell! I'm starting to turn away from my marrige because of this!
 Im not going to live unhappy In a sexless marriage!

Thanks for letting me rant! This is my first post! Any advice i'm happy to take!
 
Redcar
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ambivalenceK
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« Reply #1 on: November 23, 2011, 02:00:58 PM »
Hi Redcar,

Sounds like my marriage. My husband is 31 and our last lovemaking was June 2011. The intimacy problem has been going on since last year. He actually tried paying for sex to find out if he had a problem. He just realized he's really not in the mood and it's not me (although I am not sure if I believe him). I take care of myself, I came down from a size 6 to a 2, but still no sex for me. One time I tried to start it, but he told me no, and I should not do that again. So yah, don't know how to fix my problem either.
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Redcar
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« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2011, 10:43:57 AM »
It just feels so onesided all the time! I change an do all these things for her, then after awhile it  nolonger works! So now we start over agin an agin! Why am I always having to stop reflect an reinvent! I guess I just get sick of kissing her butt, an feeling like I'm the only one trying!
 Im sure it's the wrong way to be, but my cup is just about full of her shit! I'm going to let her come to me this time! I'm not going to ask or try! Maybe she will see that I'm not happy, or maybe she doesn't care? No matter how pretty or nice a woman is,some out there is tired of her shit, an that's about to be me!

Should I try an man up some more? I'd like to but I'm alittle thin on the "want to" part of trying!

Thanks we will see?
Redcar
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Redcar
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« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2011, 10:22:22 AM »
Update!

So I get home from work, an she kisses me with alittle extra tuch to go with! I can tell she's in the loving mood! Smile, being nice, kiss, some tuching ok I can go with it, but I'm not letting it over take me at this point! And in the same breath as all the above, she starts getting on my case about who's fan pages I'm on on facebook! WTF is this a build me up an let me down agin game she wants to play? It's the anger from the rejection that I'm to under to want her now! It's like she's trying to control my life, she gets mad when I try an do anything to better myself!

Why is she so negative about any thing I do?

She doesn't belive in me or support me in anything, ever!


Later before bed she got in the shower with me, I knew what that's was about! So I held off till we were about to get out! Power play move? I don't know! But I do know it feels more like a buisness partner, than a marriage!


Redcar
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David Bibby
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« Reply #4 on: November 28, 2011, 07:26:05 AM »
Redcar,

Your wife doesn't want you to better yourself... because then SHE will have to better HERSELF in relation to you.  It appears that maybe she LIKES you being under her thumb and in control of you.  SHE wants to dictate when you have sex and when you don't.

So if you're tired of all that... then please look at the materials I mentioned earlier in this thread.

One of two things will happen if you do.

You'll either have your current wife be the sexual goddess you want... and YOU call the shots...

or..

You'll let go of a non-contributing wife and attract her replacement.

Either way you win... so why not get the materials?
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idsweetie72
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« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2011, 07:12:11 PM »
I'm going to get blasted out of the water here- and I know it. However- my husband is 60 and I'm 39. For 2 1/2 years he has been totally uninterested in intimacy. Then over a year ago we discovered he had throat cancer- so our whole life stopped while we went thru that. Now he is still uninterested, and 6 months ago told me that he wanted me to get a boyfriend to, "take care of that". A month ago I did- (yikes, can't believe I'm admitting this)- and the sexual tension has been gone in our house ever since. Will this blow up on me? Probably. But I have started feeling MUCH better about myself- my self-esteem was below rock-bottom, and now it is creeping back up. Part of me feels horrid about this boyfriend- but the majority of me doesn't. I know my husband isn't interested in ANYONE- let alone me. And it doesn't look like it will change anytime soon.
So I can certainly emphathize with your situation- I feel for you. The difference between my situation and mine though is my husband told me to go find someone to take care of that part of my needs- many, many,many times. No easy answer in these types of areas.
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David Bibby
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« Reply #6 on: November 30, 2011, 07:47:15 AM »
idsweetie72,

I'm not going to blast you for it.  Because in this situation... your husband actually CARES about your needs.  It's obvious to me that if your husband were to suddenly say to you.."Baby.. I'm getting back my feelings for you... and I want to be the man that satisfies you."  You'd probably drop your boyfriend in a second.

This to me is no different than if your husband were a paraplegic and had NO ability to obtain an erection... and didn't want to use an apparatus.  A decent man would want to make sure his wife's needs were met.

This is not what Redcar is dealing with...

For Redcar... his wife is more or less sending this message to him:

"I don't care about your needs... I'm NOT going to do anything for you... and you better not go looking elsewhere either.  If you cheat on me our marriage is done and over with... but again... I'm not giving my body to you so you are just going to have to live the rest of your life in a sexless marriage...because I am happy this way!"

So Redcar should obviously not put up with this situation...but he still has some work to do first.
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