Forum to Discuss Odds and Ends of Relationships

[admin]

Hi forum members and guests,

As is obvious by the title of this forum category, this area is for discussion of particular specifics in a relationship's interactions and dynamics. It's about how we treat each other, talk to each other (or don't), react (or don't), touch (or don't), feel and other aspects of a relationship.

An example of a post in this category might be:

"My spouse doesn't do xyz and I'd appreciate it if he/she did, any advice?"

And of course, lengthier posts with more complex situations are expected as well. That's the cue for other members to share experiences, suggestions and help us think things through.

[growing]

My spouse says he is only interested in a certain level of intimacy. He is very independent and likes doing things on his own. I, however, got married because I wanted to be with my "best friend". I wanted us to learn and grow together first and foremost (though outside interests are certainly ok). I have tried to develop deeper intimacy through our almost 20 years of marriage. I have become bitter and resentful the last 3-4 years because of being unable to reach this goal. I now realize I was not direct enough through our marriage about what I wanted but now that I have opened up to my spouse about what I truly want, he says he doesn't want the same thing. We both feel very frustrated now because we feel we are mismatched. Any advice?

[Joanna]

Growing,

This is a pretty common issue in marriage. One spouse goes into a marriage with one set of dreams and your partner has a totally different set. More times than not, couples don't talk about these things when they're engaged b/c they feel it's "understood" that the other feels the same way. Then, after they get married is the time that it comes out and that's what starts the disagreements/hurt feelings.

There is a book called "Your LovePath" by Joe Beam. You can go to http://www.joebeam.com/books.htm to read more about it and also to order it.

This can be fixed, even after 20 years!

Joanna
 

[growing]

Joanna,
Thank you. My husband and I have been to the Love Path 911 Seminar and I have read the book. We found it very helpful but like all good things it requires work and application. My husband seems unwilling to take the initiative to devote the time and effort needed to our marriage. I think my husband understands our differences but is overwhelmed by them. If I am not postitive about everything he does he gets down and just quits. I want to be "Susy Sunshine" but I have doubts too and need encouragement.
 I am going to tell him we need to really "work" the book as I feel this is our last chance. He is a calculator who would rather just say he is not an "emotional person" and that he doesn't want intimacy.  I originally thought this couldn't be true but I perhaps it is more correct to say that  he does not need it at the level I do. I am a communicator who  overwhelms him. I feel like I have put so much time and effort into trying to understand our relationship and that I am just "not worth the effort" to him. Thanks for your help.
Growing

[JoeBeam]

Growing,

Allow me to give you a gift. IF your husband agrees to work through it with you -- and only if he gives his word to you and me -- I'll send you a free copy of the new Your LovePath Home Study Kit. It has a DVD that goes along with each chapter of the book, as well as a workbook for each of you to complete. If you do one chapter a week, it will take ten weeks.

Ask him if he will agree to complete it with you. If he will give his word, email ask@JoeBeam.com to tell us where to send the kit.

Hope this helps.

Joe