Since attending lp911, I have cut all ties with my lumerance object and have been putting   
all positive effort possible into my marriage as I know how I messed up and broke trust.  It seems that he continually punishes me by saying the guys name and also calling me terrible names.  I am trying to be patient and understand that he is angry but I am so upset and tired of how mean he feels justified in being to me.  I love my husband and deeply regret allowing another man to know intimate details about my life...but living with the bitterness and hatred towards me is so hard to deal with.  I am committed to my marriage and my husband claims to be, but I am miserable most days.  Our kids can tell when there is tension of course.  Some days are great...but on a turn of a dime, the name calling and contempt come out. 

Any advice, please? 

Ronintexas,

It really sounds like he is reacting out of intense pain based on what you're describing. And when it seems to "turn on a dime" and he says he doesn't care that's very likely because he started thinking about your affair and what you did with that man, what that man did with you...you can see how thinking about that would hurt him very bad even when you say you'll do what it takes. In many ways he's torturing himself.

He's respond and reacting from pain. Yes you deserve to be cared about, but you also will need to eat some humble pie for a while. As Joe mentions in the seminar, even years later sometimes a spouse has questions or pain pop up from what happened.

When he reacts in anger, let him react. Don't fight. Tell him that you are still very sorry and wish you could take it back. He may still react in anger to that but again it's from hurt and intense frustration in wishing he had the power to go back in time and somehow stop your affair. It's intense misery that he's feeling when he reacts that way. I know it's hard, but try to continue being patient and humble. You said you're willing to do whatever it takes....well...here ya go.

I hope you have many more of those great days that you mentioned and that the bad days become less and less.

I'm pretty well dealing with the same thing, mine was from a break up we had in 1998. And he is now saying he can't life with what i did from then and wants a divorce. Right now I'm trying to just let him have his time that he needs in hopes that he will change his mind. I love him and adore him so much and never even knew that this bugged him to this point.

I think what happened here is he starting having an affair with his brothers wife and I think from talking to her and telling her about my past and she more then likely said things to him to make him doubt our marriage and my love for him. All I can do is tell him how much I love him which is hard cause he gets very angry at me when I tell him that.