Long talk

OregonTraveler
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Long talk

« on: October 12, 2009, 03:29:29 PM »

Ok. We just had a long talk...about sex (among other things). The issue we deal with is that sex doesn't (as in one books title) begin in the kitchen. There is no flirting..from either side. And on a typical day the normal schedule is...
Work...Home...make sure kids homework is done...wife will cuddle with kittens till bedtime...then we talk in bed (catch up on work, kids, etc)...then its late and sex is ...well, we both try to wake up and have some.

My wish is that the time BEFORE bedtime is all the managerial talk that couples need to do...and that there is some...intimate talk.

And the trouble is...I travel...my wife is (considering the current economic times)...quite happy that I have a job...a secure one...but I travel...Usually a month every 4-5 months...

I make sure I call home often...sometimes twice daily to encourage...listen. BUT...my wife has no desire to talk intimately over the phone. She has even asked that I ask some of the missionaries in our church what they do for extended times away. I did not want to plan/limit my sexual life with my spouse based on someone elses ideas.

I did let my wife know how incredibly difficult it is to remain faithful being seperate for that long. My choices (without her changing)....quit. Not a good one. For her....sex is more for the quy....do it to keep me happy...unfortunately I can generally tell when she is not enjoying it...which (like for most guys)...causes me to not want to do it...the cycle begins.

I mentioned hwo a good sex life is important...health and even as a good model for the children who will be married some day. Her reply....God can make people good husbands/wives without good models..(my thought....that DOES NOT mean we should intentionally be bad ones...just to test God).

Also we talked about the M word....and the V (Vibrator) word. My thought....if she does not know her body...and what she likes...at least as much as possible...then I will be frustrated in finding them...it will be 'not there, not there, not there...ok there'. My wife cannot understand why someone (a woman) would ever buy a vibrator...what are the advantages? disadvantages?

We are going away soon....which is good...I hope to have another talk before then..

I know...a long email....

Brian


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JoeBeam
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Re: Long talk

« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2009, 12:29:54 PM »

Sex acts are right or wrong based on whether we have a right to the person we are focusing on. If we fantasize about the neighbor next door; it's wrong. If a man on the road fantasized about his wife; it's fine.

Haven't talked with a lot of missionaries about this, but I often get the question when in cities from whichc military are deployed. Either they or their spouses ask if it is okay during deployment for them to fantasize about their spouses and masturbate. Of course it is. Would it be okay to use a vibrator during such acts? Yes. Would it be okay for the husband and wife to have phone sex or sex in a chat room with each other (and ONLY each other) as one of them travels? Absolutely.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5 commands us to fulfill each other sexually. In earlier times, the best communication one could have with a traveling spouse was an occasional letter. Ever thought about why they would often carry an item from the loved one with them? Was it just to think about them, or could it have been an object to help them find sexual release while concentrating on the one they love? Knowing human nature, I think it very reasonable to assume that often that sentimental object carried along served just that purpose.

Encourage your wife to try things with you there before trying them on the road. Masturbate together in the same bed while kissing and caressing each other. Same with the vibrator. Record sensual audio messages for each other to have while apart. There is no sin -- and a great deal of wisdom -- in fulfilling each other's sexual needs when you cannot be together.

If anyone wishes more ideas on this: let's start sharing them here and I'll regularly toss in a few.


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stu@themarryblogger
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Re: Long talk

« Reply #2 on: October 19, 2009, 04:01:23 PM »

Hey Joe - Thats a cool idea - the 'audio' part - being an audio guy, I can't believe I had never thought of that before!!

But with technology as easy as it is today - you could easily record messages to one another on a digital note taker, or mp3 player... and have special messages from the one you love as near as your ipod.

(Now its figuring out how to convince the wife to do it!! lol)


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themarryblogger
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pappabear
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Re: Long talk

« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2009, 05:41:40 PM »

Yep, there's got to be plenty of "alone time" for us that is not used for simply a business meeting. Like middle-of-the-day sex. Baths. Plenty of vacations when the money is right. Have a regular bedtime for the kiddos that gives a couple energetic hours to us before we go to sleep.

But we both have to make up our minds or those things don't get done.


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