Coco8,

You've touched on something that MANY wives have dealt with.  Not being attracted to their husbands... but guess what... their husbands are the only one's who don't know it!  Some of these women have affairs or suddenly decide to get a divorce and their husbands are left scratching their heads thinking "What the hell just happened!?"

Your husband is not operating in a masculine, confident, and attractive way and therefore he is not creating a DESIRE in you for him.

In fact, if he's operating in a needy, manipulative way, he's actually KILLING your attraction for him.

But if he doesn't know that there is a problem with his mode of operation... how can he possibly fix it?

You have said that it "Can't" happen.  Well I assure you it CAN.  And you better believe that it CAN or your husband has NO chance of being able to learn how to be the attractive man you want him to be.  If you believe that it CAN'T happen... then you will shoot him down when he tries to act masculine and make a stand for himself.

My advice to you is to tell him the honest truth right now.

"I'm not attracted to you sexually.  You are not the masculine man that knows how to woo me and seduce me.  You are a great provider, a great husband, and a great father, but when it comes to being my lover I do not feel that attraction for you.  Before you say that I'm being cold.. just know that I have fantasies and very naughty thoughts throughout the day... and I want YOU to being those out of me."

Your husband was probably not taught how to seduce a woman.  If you let him know that he has skills he needs to learn... HE WILL learn them.

So.. Turn off the sex faucet...  stop having sex 3 times a week... stop ALL sex for 2-3 months.. and just see how fast he learns how to seduce you.  At first... he may become needy and desperate.  He may BEG and PLEAD for affection and sex.  But relay the message to him loud and clear each and every time - "You're begging and pleading is unattractive.  I want a man that creates desire with me.  Not just expect me to lay down."

If you want I can suggest resources for your man to read that will unequivocally relay the IMPORTANCE of being a man that can attract, seduce, and draw out his wife's sexuality.  Furthermore... you can send me a private message or a personal email if you want to talk more but not in a public setting.

How do I know this works... because it worked on me.

Warmly,
David

Coco8,

Your husband is probably a very confident man in his workplace.  He probably also has a lot to be proud of accomplishment wise.. provides a good income...  all that.  In his own mind.. he most likely thinks that that is enough to keep a woman happy.

But HE'D BE DEAD WRONG!

There's no CHALLENGE... there's no ADVENTURE... there's no ROMANCE...

and consequently... there's no passion.

And if you've having sex with him 3 times a week and you are repulsed by it.. I can guarantee you that he isn't satisfied either... but he won't ever admit that.

The problem with him playing the little brother role and being taken care of by you... is another aspect of why you're not attracted to him.   Who's taking care of YOU?

When a MAN can operate completely independent of you...when he can do his own laundry, make his own meals, and can take his woman out on regulars dates that HE plans...  Then you have the beginnings of a man you can be attracted to.

Around the 13th year of my own marriage.  My wife and I had an argument over something little... and all her years of resentment came out.  She said the words no man wants to hear.  "I'm done."  "I love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you!"..  she then moved into a separate bedroom.  This lasted for about 3 months.

During that time my mind went crazy.  She was dead serious.  I hadn't met her needs for so long, and took her for granted, and felt entitled to sex, that she had simply had enough.  I was very needy, I had no backbone, and I was not sure that our marriage was going to survive.

I kept asking her questions "Are we going to be alright?" "When are you coming back upstairs? " ... that only made her mad... cause she was done talking to me.

At some point I started writing in a journal. 

Thanks David!

Your story is very inspirational and I am very happy for you.  It gives me hope that I can work things out with my own husband. I have yet to talk to him... Fingers crossed all goes well.

Take care,
Coco8

Hello David, I am going through this exact same thing...I am a great provider and great husband.  She said that there is no passion and my kisses does not do anything.  Please help me...what did you do?