This is a tricky one, but I'll try to get my point out briefly but thoroughly.

Too many couples I know have very dull, extremely boring sex lives (by their own admission).  One recent survey revealed typical couple has only experienced two (2) sexual positions with their spouse (ever).  Frequency, energy, children, jobs, money, etc. get much of the blame, but at the end of the day, I find folks just don't know HOW to make things exciting.  When it comes to sex, quite frankly, we've never even graduated from elementary school.   

I'm well aware of the pitfalls of pornography.  But it only exists (and thrives) for one reason -- we (particularly men) keep demanding it.  If it thrives due to our fantasies, why can't we (as a Christian community) start addressing some of the issues that underly this problem?  How can we teach real, honest-to-goodness sexual adventure, godly intended-for-pleasure stuff?  How do we teach folks that it's okay to enjoy yourself?

 

At the end of the day, the "submit to your spouse" and "don't deny one another" stuff just doesn't seem to get it done....   

Very interested in feedback....

I moved this topic to the sex section, so feel free to begin Joe.

I'm surprised I haven't received more feedback on this one....

I re-read my original post to make sure I asked the right question.  I'm not looking for someone to help me justify pornography.  I know pornography is bad.

But if you look through many of the posts on forums like this one, you may see a pattern.  In some cases, people want to know how to do this or that.  But in many cases they want to know how to convince their spouse to try this or that.  Big difference.

Why would my wife not want to try something, like a certain sexual position?  According to my wife, most of the women she has counseled on their sex lives border somewhere between selfishness, lack of knowledge, and fear (sometimes brought on by an incorrect assumptions that certain sex acts are sinful).

So I'm asking how we, as a Christian community, help marriages be great that seem to be stuck in boredom, lack of intimacy, and, worse yet, lack of knowledge and/or an adventerous spirit?  How do we teach folks to enjoy themselves?  How do we instill both knowledge and sexual confidence into a marital relationship when Christianity seems to place a "good-girls-don't-(fill in the blank)" handcuff?  How do we help make pleasure in the marriage bed okay? 

And how do we do these things without the use of pornography?

I have thought about replying to this a couple of times but felt like I didn't know how to get my point across.  I decided to go ahead and try and please be patient because this is a very sensitive subject for me.

I for one will come at this from a woman's point of view and from a woman whose husband has stuggled with pornagraphy and then some since a child.  This is something that has almost destroyed him, our marriage and our family more than once.  This is something that he struggles with daily to surrender to God and thankfully has made amazing progress.

So to your point about bringing this into a marriage to "spice it up" or use as a tool, I think is pretty selfish and wrong.  I don't know many wives  feel that pornagraphy, or what it is representing, is something sacred and beautiful, which is what I believe God created sex in marriage to be.  I don't mean dull and boring but not self serving, fake and disrespectful.  This might come as a shock to you but those women "performing" are doing just that.  PERFORMING.  They are being paid to act that way.  None of it is "real".  Pornagraphy makes men believe that what is going on is the way sex is supposed to be.  It is all a fantasy! 

I am in no way suggesting that you can not have a fulfilling, exciting, fun sexual relationship in marriage but you might want to start but not comparing your spouse to what you see in pornagraphy and respect, love and encourage her in a way she has never experienced and maybe you might be shocked at what the outcome would be.  What wife could ever sit and watch that and not feel completely compared to and feel as if her husband is asking her to "perform".  That is not what intimacy, love and sex is supposed to be.  It is way more than the act.

I can say that I see in no way it beneficial to any marriage to introduce this.  You are playing with fire.  Most likely it will not stop with that because I promise, it will turn into more.

I don't mean to be harsh or cruel but it is just frustrating to me as a woman, as a wife to read this and try to comprehend how you would think this would be a good thing and how the wife should "relax" and be interested in this.

I hope that you will first seek God in this feeling and I pray that He gives you the wisdom you need before presenting this to your wife.

Thanks!

Sorry if it seemed I was not reading the posts correctly.  Did not mean to offend anyone.

Right ! I agree. But I wonder..... no, I disagree. But your right. OHHHH, I'm sooooo confused.
 Porn is wrong. It leads to lust (of the wrong person), comparison, selfishness and is a desire that Satin will use to consume some men.

 But let's ask another question about pornographic sex between a husband and wife.  Most men struggle with the FACT that women dress to revile a lot more than they should. In my area of the country you can not go to the store or even to church without being sexually assaulted. Along with knowing that most women (girls) dress with the intent of catching a man. And when they catch him its not in order to get him to mow the yard. To many females will sleep with anything and everyone is sleeping around.  This only proves that Both men and women have a strong sex drive.
 However, it has long been a joke among men that if you want to kill her sex drive, feed her wedding cake.
 Here's the point.......Ladies, help me (us men) understand HOW (not why) we can have fun, dress up, get out of town, pornographic wild sex like we use to.
 I think I know the answer, but am curious what you will say.

 Thanks in advance, Dr S. 

Sorry that I'm so late to enter this discussion. Been a hectic couple weeks....

I am very interested in the subject of how porn affects marriage. If you have any experience with porn as an individual or couple, I would very much appreciate your thoughts on how it has affected your marriage (or is affecting your marriage). Be as specific as possible without being potentially offensive.

I will soon submit a research proposal to the University of Sydney on this subject and your thoughts/views/opinions/experiences will help me structure that research to find the most definitive answers to how porn affects American marriages.

On some boards there is a way to make all the current and future posts of a specific user completely disappear, can I do that on this board?