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Author Topic: Been There; Dealing with That  (Read 3128 times)
bunny
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« on: August 05, 2009, 12:00:25 PM »
Anybody else suffered through affairs in their marriage?
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cindyjo
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« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2009, 01:47:00 PM »
I/we, too, are dealing with this same issue.  Although I have forgiven him, it is hard to forget.  While the sexual aspect of the affair bothers me, it seems almost harder to deal with the fact that he had an emotional attachment to the other woman.  I am not sure he even realizes how emotionally involved he was.

But by the grace of God and with the help of LP911 we are healing together.  I used to think that it was only I who needed healing from the pain he caused me, but I have come to realize that he also needs to heal.  It's not easy, but we have decided it is definitely worth it.
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jcpc1994
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« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2009, 07:32:42 PM »
Yes, us too.  You are not alone. 
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bunny
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« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2009, 09:24:47 AM »
cindyjo, i agree. my husband and i both have things that we need to heal from. it helps me to think of him as the injured little boy he is inside...
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JoeBeam
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« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2009, 03:39:10 PM »
Every affair is bad. However, as you imply, it actually is easier to get past them if it was just sex and not an emotional entanglement.

I understand your hurt. The good news is that with time, hurts heal. If both of you keep doing the right things, there will come a day when you don't even think about this and, if you happen to, the pain will not be nearly so deep.
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cindyjo
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« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2009, 04:06:16 PM »
That's so true.  I am often amazed that I have healed and the pain has lessened so much in a relatively short period of time.  In fact, at first, I questioned if I had just become "numb" to the pain and was in denial or if I was actually feeling better.  I realize everyone will heal at different paces, but healing does happen if you want it and allow it to occur.  I came to the conclusion that I had to choose to forgive and choose to love in order to heal.  It was not going to happen by itself.
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cindyjo
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« Reply #6 on: August 08, 2009, 03:49:05 PM »
To follow up on my previous comment about choices, following is something I wrote to my husband about a month following "D-Day" (the discovery day of his affair).  This has been my personal statement for recovery/healing.  It has not always been easy, but this helps to keep me on track.  I hope that it may be of benefit to someone else struggling through the aftermath of an affair.

I love you...
   Not becase of anything you do or because you love me,
   But because I freely choose to give my whole self to you
   And because I freely choose to treasure you for who you are.

I forgive you...
   Not because you asked me to or because I am forced to,
   But because I freely choose to release myself from the bondage of this hurtful situation
   And because I freely choose to reconcile with you, reconnect to you, and to restore our
   relationship.

I trust you...
   Not because it is easy or because it has been earned,
   But because I freely choose to stop living under a dark cloud of doubt and fear
   And because I freely choose to believe that God will grant me the courage to learn to trust again and that He will give you the conviction to be true to me and our marriage.

I choose you...
   Not because you are the only man in the world,
   But because I freely choose to acknowledge that you are the only man in the world for me.
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bunny
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« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2009, 10:29:03 AM »
that's so strong! Hi
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bunny
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« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2009, 04:42:12 PM »
I've been emotionally attached to a married man before, and only by the power of the Holy Spirit was I able to detach myself from him.

Also, my husband was emotionally attached to a married woman that he had an affair with. He was able to confess the physical intimacy but took a long time to detach himself emotionally. That definitely is what hurt me the most!

What I struggle with now is reaching emotional intimacy with my husband. Sometimes I want to be close to him, and he pushes me away. Then I find myself not caring if we're close or not. We are in counseling. Any advice? Anyone?
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