Just wondering if anyone who has survived an affair had their partner say "Our relationship has always been more of a practical relationship anyway". My husband said this to me shortly after his affair was over and I kind of took it as an excuse to make his affair seem more justifiable in his mind. Here we are a little more than a year after and he is again telling me that we have always had a practical relationship. He says he doesn't feel physically desired by me. I told him that I need sex to have an emotional component as well as physical. I told him that I want us to have a passionate relationship where we feel a closeness and a bond with one another. We are both committed to staying together for our 2 children, but I don't like the thought of "going through the motions" without a deep love for one another.

Can you fall in love with one another if one of you never really had those feelings to begin with? This is the only intimate relationship I have ever had and I'm pretty depressed to hear my husband say that it is one-sided. I won't break up my family, but I don't want to live my whole life never having experienced the kind of love I think marriage is supposed to be.

Any advice?

Some people like to "re-write history". So he might say he never felt that way... When he really did. (I read this in a marriage help e-book).  I've had this happen to me in previous relationships.  Telling me they never really loved me... Then changed their story after the break up and saying that I was always the only one they ever loved. 

I believe you can fall in love with someone... For sure!!! But at the same time I believe love in a marriage, is also about friendship, companionship... At a way deeper level than "being in love". 

Good luck to you!!! I hope everything works out.