My wife and I have been married for 12 years. We have two children, 6 and 4. We have had our share of struggles over the years, intimacy, making time for each other, etc. When we had been married for a little over 12 months, my wife became distant. I could tell something was going on with her, and I tried to get her to open up to me. She just told me she was unhappy with her life and needed to work on some issues. As time went by, after about 6 months or so, things improved and I never thought twice about what may have been going on behind the scenes.

Well I just found out that she had not one, but two affairs during that time.  We had some pretty intense talks about our issues, and then she wouldn't talk to me for two days.  She has been doing some self help books with Q & A portions, and writing the answers in a journal.  Well I found the journal and read what she wrote, and in it, she wrote of the affairs and how if I knew that I would leave her. 

She claims that she didn't confess at the time because she feared that it would have hurt me. Well yes it would have, and I would have left her to boot.  I would have chosen to move on.  The fact that we had barely been married, and she already was breaking her vows. 

I feel like since that would have been my decision then, that I shouldn't feel any differently now. She argues that we have had so many good times since then, and made the choice to have kids, that I should give her another chance. I told her that I wasn't presented with all the evidence when I made the choice to have kids with her, that if I had known the truth, I wouldn't have made the decision to have kids. That my life for the past 10+ years has been built on lies and deception.  That it would have been so much simpler to leave her then (pre-kids), and that I resent her for that as well.  That I still feel the same way, it's only going to be more complicated now.

When I confronted her on all of this, she lied repeatedly, right to my face.  I gave her 3 chances to change her story, and she did not.  Not until I told her that I had read her journal, did she finally break down and admit the truth.  Maybe there is more she isn't telling?  Maybe there are other men that she just didn't write about.  I feel like our trust is gone forever.  That she will always lie to protect herself first and foremost.  That I will never be able to trust her word, must less trust her with my heart. 

Am I not being reasonable?  Should I be more willing to forgive her because we have kids now or because it has been so long ago?  For me, it happened two week ago, because that is when I finally found out the truth.  Will I ever be able to get the images of her and these other men out of my head?

You are not being unreasonable, ive been there. I was spending money on my wife to see another guy as well, without me knowing. If you cant put it behind you then you just gonna think about those situTions constantly. Ive tried to put them behind me but she was the one constantly bri ging it up...

No you are not being unreasonable!! It doesn't matter how long ago it was.  This is new information to you... So it's going to feel like it just happened!! I feel like if this happened to me I would feel the same way. It's a fresh wound for you... Even though she may have forgiven herself or gotten over it... She had all those years to deal with those emotions.  IF you decide to try and make it work it will definitely take time.  My marriage counselor says that it can take years to move on from an affair.  There are a lot of feelings that come and go like a rollercoaster. 

Are you willing to try and work it out?