I am a first time poster to this forum. I have read a lot of forums before deciding to join / post here. I'd like to preface my story, and my questions, by saying that I know what I have done is wrong, and I don't see a whole lot to benefit from listening to people tell me what is wrong with me, or what a loser I am. I am working desperately, and whole-heartedly, on repairing my life and the life of those that I love & care about. With that....

I have been married for 10 years. My wife and I have always been best friends, but since the early days of our marriage there have been issues in the bedroom that have not been dealt with. We have both buried our libidos for a long, long time, convincing ourselves that it was better to be together and not have sex then to be apart.

About a year and a half ago, I hired a woman to work for my company. This woman is a single mother of two, having been divorced herself for about two years. She was broke, and desperate for a job. She was also smart, and I was convinced was qualified for the position.

The attraction we felt towards one another was almost immediate. We spent many long nights at the office alone, working really hard and at the same time getting to know one another. It wasn't long before temptation turned into action, and we embarked upon an exciting, mysterious, adventurous journey of passion, romance, unbelievable sex, and feelings of true love.  .

Through it all, we knew what we were doing was wrong. I told her from the beginning that I was a married man, and that if we could not keep this light & in perspective someone was definitely going to get hurt. I also I kept telling her that I wasn't happy in my marriage and that I would soon be leaving my wife.  In my heart of hearts I did not know whether or not I was telling her the truth, and I was stuck in this spiral of not knowing what I really wanted. At the same time, this woman grew completely dependent upon me financially.

I've lived the most unbelievable, painful, guilt-ridden double life for the past year. Cheating on my wife with a woman who was growing more and more dependent on me and in love with me, and at the same time going home and playing nicey-nice house with my wife.

I'm trying to keep this short instead of rambling on and on....

About two weeks ago my lover came to me and basically said it was time to sh*t or get off the pot..... if something compelling did not happen soon to show her that I was really serious about leaving my wife, she was going to end the affair herself.  Something clicked in me at that moment. I did not want to leave my wife! It all came pouring out of me, and I just let all of the guilt and all of the shame and all of the humiliation out. I put my foot down and told her that I could not see her anymore. I confessed that I do truly love my wife and that I am dedicated to fixing my marriage.

I have gone through this long-winded explanation to get to this point..... I know, from everything I've read and everything I've been told, that the only way to end an affair is to end it.... abruptly and completely, and to make sure that there is absolutely NO contact EVER. But this is where it gets sticky..... My lover (now ex-lover) has told me that I can't just break her heart and at the same time fire her from her job and leave her barefoot & broke, terrified as to how she is going to pay for her two children (15 and 11) to live. She wants me to keep her on as an employee.

There is nothing that she can do to hurt me no matter what takes place, because (for better or for worse) I have confessed the entire affair to my wife, and we are working together to cope with it and save our marriage. She doesn't have access to or control any company records or finances. It's purely a decision of mine to make based on whether I feel sorry for her, and whether I feel that she can continue to do the job she was hired for without anything else.

What should I do?

I think that perhaps offering her a severance package and the promise of a good reference might be the best approach to the issue if it can be managed. Keeping her in the mix is going to complicate things and with a severance package, perhaps you both may be able to move past this...