Well our therapist feels that facebook is a no no. Like asking for trouble. In our case classmates.com ended up being one of the routes for the affair. It all starts out as innocent but the more you re-connect with old schoolmates the more you begin to bond with them and see the shortcomings in your other half. Life always looks better when its not your own.....

I have some friends who's marriage is in trouble b/c of facebook...won't say which spouse got involved with an old classmate, but it happened and it was emotional and now their marriage is on the verge of ending. It is bad when people abuse sites like this, b/c on the other hand it is a good way to keep in touch with family and old friends who you grew up with ect. It's just when things start getting too "personal" when you're catching up with an old friend that's when it get's shakey. Catching up with old friends in itself isn't bad, it's when you start taking it too far. And I WISH people could see the warning signs for when it is getting to that point.

I've been on fb for a while now, and so has my husband and we've both reconnected with old friends. But we know the lines that do not need to be crossed and we don't go there!

Here's an article by Joe Beam on Facebook or online affairs.

Philip it's not your fault. Of all the treatments available for lack of communication in a marriage, depression, etc., infidelity is not one of them.

The reason he is 'like a drug to her' is because he is a drug, literally. Internal drugs being released by talking with someone who knew your old friends and surroundings and what things were like back in the 'good ole days' is one of the reasons Facebook affairs are so common. In fact, that's probably the reason she believed a lot of the BS he was telling her.

Not that that is an excuse, there is no excuse for that. You are either in a marriage for the long haul or you aren't. Right now she may feel pretty stupid because her 'closure' likely turned out to be him telling her "No, sorry, I guess I'm not ready for a long-term relationship' and could be what's causing the egg-shell feeling between you two. While it's still fresh get it ALL out in the open.

Then yes, drop it like a rock and move on. But also keep in mind this is a good time to reevaluate your relationship, set new standards that will allow the two of you to get back into a healthy marriage.

As far as YOU are concerned, decide which parts of this whole ordeal were places where you made mistakes in the relationship, vow to yourself not to make them again, and allow yourself to move on.

Trust takes a while to repair once it's broken so don't let yourself feel like you are spying on her by checking texts and internet logs and request, for the time being anyway, that her passwords are written down at the computer so you can have free reign with the computer and her phone. I think that's reasonable considering what's taken place, don't you? She needs to get back on track, and you have to help her get there.
(If there is any resistance to this request then you will have to decide for yourself if you are able to go through this again.)

I'm really sorry for your pain and I wish upon you Hope for your marriage.

Sincerely,  Sean

I agree with pappabear - your wife needs to remove the man as a facebook friend - period. 

Joe Beam recommends that people who have had affairs with coworkers should quit their jobs and find employment elsewhere and even move to another city to get away from the lover.  Yes, it is that important to put as much distance between the unfaithful spouse and their lover.  So, removing the man from facebook, cell phone, etc. is a must.

To every extent possible, the temptation needs to be removed - for her sake as well as yours.

Sorry its taken so long for me to update, but here is where we are now....

It has been a long road in a short amount of time, but things are getting much better. I look at our relationship as phases since the affair.
Phase I - The process of the two of us disconnecting over a long period of time which resulted in the affair. After a weekend of talking she decided that she wanted to be here, but not for me, for her daughter. She did go to see him and end it in person, but it didn't give her the closure she thought it would.
Phase II - She came home and we started to work on our marriage. At this point I wasn't aware that she was only her for her daughter nor did I care. We started the process of really communicating and things started to get better. We went to our camp in the country for the first time. This is where she planned the original meeting and then decided to have the affair. That Sat. night she called him again. She immediately came and told me. She said that it was out of habit more than anything and was truly sorry. We talked about this and I told her that I needed to know she wanted to be here. If she didn't, I couldn't continue this process. She agreed it was a mistake and wanted to work things out. On, Dec. 22 we were preparing to go to a Christmas Eve church service...the first ever for us as a couple. As we were preparing to go I could tell that something was wrong. We talked about her feelings and she said that she was feeling like she was in a cage and didn't know if she could do this. The guilt was eating her up inside. I told her that I thought this day may come and I told her she should go. I thanked her for trying the past 2 weeks and that it meant alot to me that we were able to be somewhat happy again. At the end of that conversation she said that's what she needed to hear. She said she needed to make a call and I should finish getting ready for church. She called him, but had to leave a voice mail. She said not to expect anymore calls that she was trying to make her marriage work. In hindsight...at this point she is here for us and not just her daughter. She still has thoughts of him, but honestly wants them out of her head.
Phase III - We are really working hard on our relationship. I'm doing the little things that I always thought were meaningless. I'm calling just to say I love you, buying her flowers on a weekly basis, and really opening up to her. She isn't doing much more than working through her own issues and we are going to church on a regular basis. We have come a long way in a short time and things are looking up. In hindsight...she realizes that she can't have both of us and she is really in love with me. During this phase the thoughts of him start to fade even more from both of our minds. On 12/30 she calls him, but hangs up before the call registers...she doesn't tell me about this one...yet. On New Years weekend we take our first unplanned road trip and have a great weekend. She realizes that we can be spontaneous and fun and still be a married couple. This weekend did wonders for our relationship. on 1/5 she gets a call from the friend she stayed with while she was having her 1 night affair. Her friend tells her that there was a note on her door wondering if she was pregnant. She calls him to let him know that she isn't. That call lasts for 10 min and then there's another a few minutes later for 11 min. She doesn't tell me about this either....yet. The following week I have a feeling that she's not being honest about something and I find out how to check our home phone log. I find out about the calls on 1/5 and I confront her. She denies it over and over and refuses to tell me. I eventually tell her how I know for sure and she comes clean. I explain that part of my distrust is because she wouldn't stop denying it until I proved that I knew for sure. I explained that if she had come clean without me explaining how I knew it would have been better, but I am glad that she told me. Later that night I told her that I still feel like there's something she's not telling me. That's when I find out about the call on 1/30. At this point she decides she wants to cut her hair...a new her a new hairstyle is the way she put it. She did and it looks great. It was a symbol to her more than anything.
Phase IV - We have been more open with each other than ever before. A week or so ago she started to pull away and we talked about it. This was the first time that we have really talked about our lives immediately as it was happening. She told me that she was totally in love with me, but that made her vulnerable and her natural reaction was to pull away. I explained that we can't get to the next level in our relationship without being vulnerable. That being vulnerable just means that you really love someone and you would be hurt if they weren't there. That is what love is all about. Without vulnerability there can't be true love. It made sense to her and things have been even better ever since. We are still going to church regularly and are scheduled to be baptized together next weekend.

A few other notes...

I'm worried that her being baptized is just another symbol. I don't know that she is far enough along in her walk with Christ to get the full impact of the baptism, but on the other hand I don't want to discourage her in anyway.
She seems to be most worried about the fact that I will "wake up" on day and realize that I can't deal with what happened. Her guilt fades and comes back from time to time and we try to work though it.
I'm to the point where I don't really see what else I can do. I've put myself out there, become vulnerable, started talking, started listening, and renewed my walk with God. I'm not really sure how much more I can give. I know I'm not perfect and I know there are things that I don't always do correctly, but I feel I'm giving my all.

Comments are appreciated.

Thank you all for your support. Having this forum to vent kept me from exploding inside. I appreciate everyone's advice and it means alot that you would take the time to do so. Thank you so very much. God Bless you all.

it is true facebook is awful for relationships it gives way for emotional affairs and they are happening even if you think it starts out innocent it crosses the line in many ways