hey all,
Im new here and hope someone might be able to give me some advice or different views on my current situation.

Ok, well here goes.

I have been married for 2 1/2 years to my partner, we were together for 10 years prior to finally tying the knot. We first met at the age of 17 and just hit it off. we became the best of friends and although we had rocky patches here and there we had a pretty good relationship i felt. The reason we waited so long to get married was because i wanted us to be secure, have good jobs, and a house etc. Her parents are very old fasioned and making the right impression was a must. In the early days i went through phases and many dead end jobs but around 6 years ago i went to study IT and now have a well paid career.

My partner is a fully qualified vet nurse and manages a local vet clinic. She is a very successful person work wise and works extremely hard. We always used to do things together and loved getting away on trips and going camping, fishing etc. However about 4 years ago she took a big interest in Dog training and agility competitions (dogs doing jumps and courses etc) This was great as i was right into my hobby (fishing) so we would go off an do our own things each weekend but always come home to each other.

I guess a little while after we were married things started to go a little pear shaped. I didnt think it was our relationship, i just thought we were stressed with our jobs and very busy doing our own things. (I must add that i have always been a pesimistic person and havent really looked on the bright side of things) so We just carried on with life. For the past year or so i really began to feel our relationship slipping away. We very rarely kiss, have sex about 4 times a year and certainly dont go away on trips together.

I have suspected something might have been going on so i started to snoop around. I have tried talking about our relationship on many occasions but she would always say i dont do enough around the home and she doesnt know what her feelings are anymore. I would always try really hard for a week or so after these chats but after seeing no change in her i would eventually go back into my old ways.

Well after snooping around (which i feel bad about) i found a whole trail of emails dating back 14 months between her and a guy at the dog clubs she is a member of. Some of the emails were very graphic and spoke a lot about crazy sex and some even had videos the other guy sent through of himself masturbating. This all came to me as a complete shock, i simply couldnt believe it, i never thought she would have an affair on me. I trusted her 100% and the only reason i looked around was to see if she had personal worries. As you can imagine i was destroyed inside. The emails also said they loved each other etc. To make things worse i had just returned from a two week holiday to Japan which she pulled out on (saying the radiation wasnt healthy), i began to wonder if the affair was the real reason she didnt go.

Anyways, i confronted her about it when she got home and she said there is no affair, nothing is going on. So i opened the emails and asked for an explanation. She then came clean. said that I wasnt there for her emotionally and that he supported her and made her feel good again. It was extremely hard to swallow. suddenly i felt like this was all my fault, which perhaps it is. She said that she was sorry and didnt realy love him and that she wanted to be with me. I said we will sort it out and made the decision to move fwd.

i couldnt help myself but check the emails again a day or two later and i found a message she wrote to her sister pouring her heart out. She said that she loves me but isnt in love with me, and among many other bits and pieces said that she married me out of convenience and at that point didnt see us breaking up. She went on about a few other things and touched on the fact that the other guy built up her confindence and made her feel wanted and encouraged her to reach her goals (something i havent done). She said shes unsure of whether she should stay and try to fix the marriage but doesnt want to be unhappy and in the same place in another 5 years.

To read all this broke my heart and made me feel so helpless and like it was almost too late for me to fix this. Last night i confronted her about this and where we are headed. At first things didnt go well as she told me the email was all true and that we might be beyond repair, she said i dont make her feel sexy or wanted and she doesnt think i ever will again. Of course this burried me, but after a long chat she said she would like to give it one more go. I suggested we see a marriage counsellor and try to get back on track. Shes agreed to that and after our chat we did have sex last night, which made me feel that maybe all isnt lost just yet.

I know its been a long story and there are a few other minor details but thats the crux of it so i hope someone can shed some light on things and maybe give me some ideas moving forward.

is this repairable...?

should i let her go...?

can she continue going to dog shows seeing as though he will be there...?

Im prepared to do whatever i can because i love her so much and never want us to be apart

Thanks in advance,
Ben