While the actual year long sexual and emotional affair has been over for months, I only just now found out about my husband's infidelity with a co-worker as well as another one time sexual encounter with another woman. I also discovered other things that brought such sadness and sorrow because I thought I new him better than that. (no, not porn)

It is all so complicated and he has been forthcoming and says he is never going to make such a mistake again. We both have an understanding of the parts we played in our marriage getting to that point. I know I hold blame for my problems that contributed to him making that horrible decision. I accept that I have been wrong.

We want to work to make things better than before. To let go of old hurts and resentments that crippled our marriage for years but we both were too ..... well, I don't know what word, but we didn't do anything about it.

I did realize this past Feb. that I needed to make major changes. He had "checked out long ago". I began making significant changes with myself, but now I know it still wouldn't have been enough. Regardless, I was too late anyway since he has already had and ended the affair by then. Luckily, we no longer live in the same area. He says he has not had contact with her since last Nov. I discovered that he was seeking out other people for sex. (But he had not acted on it yet. And was drunk when he did was looking.) When I confronted him on this, is when I found out about the 1 year affair.

I feel like my life has been shattered and I am in such pain. We want to work through this and he has committed to love me again. I don't know when my anger and the hurt will go away. How can I ever get past the deception? I knew our marriage had problems, but I never thought something like this was going to happen. I know that I was wrong and did not give him the emotional support he needed and deserved consistently enough. There is all this old resentment (he has toward me) and this new anger.

I know I need time to mourn the loss of trust and intimacy, the betrayal and deception.

Is there any advise on how to process through some of this and get to a point where we can begin really working toward a solution?

Thats a long time to go without