I have been married to my husband for 8 years, lived together for 2 years. His first wife had several affair's on him that left him with a very low self esteem, or so I thought. I have had a very hard life from childhood sexual abuse, not being wanted by anyone it seemed after my mother died when I was 11, having a very abusive husband, having a husband that raped two of my children, and when that ended in divorce i decided I would just remain single.
 I never had any desire what so ever to date a man younger than me. But my husband seen me as I would go where my sister worked and I would hang out with her some. He started to persue me and I let him know I wasn't interested. Long story short he wore me down some way or other, or maybe after 11 years alone I was easier to give in I don't know.
He has been very mentally and verbally abusive for a long time. I have begged him to show me some romance, affection, tenderness, and most of all show me he loved me and he was happy. I listened to our pastor teach on marriage and I would listen again and again to the CD's and apply the teaching to myself. Because I wanted to be a good wife and show him how much i loved him and I knew it was very important to keep god in our marriage. I told him I would never hurt him the way his ex wife did I would never damage his dignity that way, and if he ever felt the need to do anything wrong like that in our marriage to please divorce me first. Please do not do that to me again after knowing what I had been through. And I made him a promise I would give him the same respect. He always said I would never have to worry about him doing anything with anyone else especially his ex wife (who was always trying to cause trouble between us from day one) That she had done that to him and he knew how it felt and he would never hurt anyone else the way she hurt him. We both sat together and talked about how bad it was that our friends were getting a divorce over one of them having an affair and how it destroys the kids, them, and other family members, and how neither one of us would ever do that to our family or each other. And I would ask him about the ex wife and he would say I would not touch that b____ with a 10 foot poll yada yada yada. She is nasty, everyone has been with her, she is disgusting, and so on and on.
Then I do some detective work that lasted a long time. I printed off the naked pictures the ex wife had been sending him, after he had ask for them after telling her how beautiful she was. And the pictures of the boobs the girl at the store we always stopped at sent him, and the picture of his penis he sent her. And the sexting messages he and two of my daughters friends were doing, the daughter that her father past away when she was 12 and she thought of my hisband as her daddy. He gets her friends phone number when she calls him one day from her friends phone. Then starts sexting my daughters friends, and that sext back after i have watch one of the girls baby, paid for her and my daughter's apartment, bought their groceries. And his other one was a girl at work that he and she was sexting each other going outside and smoking together, laughing together, and he thinks I don't know any more that that. And to top it all off he and the ex wife have been doing it 5 or 6 years. I really believe it has been going on our entire time together, I have gave him chance after chance to tell me the complete truth, I have told him a hundred times I have all of it at my office and I know there is more. But he says that is all just the pictures, and sexting.
He claimed he never said anything ugly about me to any of them, that is a lie! He claims he has never touched any of them it was just texting, That is a lie! He says it was just sexting he never had phone sex, That is a lie! And he has had sex with one or more of them. So if he does not tell me the truth we have nothing to work towards. He has bought a book and is being a little nicer to me, but you can tell he just wants to explode so bad. He thinks I am a stupid woman I guess i don't know what he thinks and right now I am at the point I don't care.
During the time of finding out all of this I had a Nephew in the hospital in a coma, my mother was very sick, I finally told him what I knew after his ex wife came to my office and showed me text she had in her phone. (But of course it was his fault she sent him the naked pictures because he ask for them) She left out the part of her sending the naked pictures when she was showing the texts. My mother past away, I have MS, and Sjogrens Sydrome so to say this has only added to my illness is an understatement. And when I ask him, Did you not even think about me when you were doing this, did you not feel guilty? what did you feel? She ask you about me and you just pushed me away and continued your talk with her!!! Tell me what you were thinking!!! His answers are always::: That wasn't me, I don't know, It was like I just blanked out, I have an illness, I am just sick, You need to just get over this so we can just work on our marriage.
I need advice, I want to do what is right in the eyes of God. And I do have a biblical reason to get a divore and walk away right now. Advice please!!!!