My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. We married after only being together for 3 months. I moved away from family and friends to be with him. There is a large age gap between us (16yrs).

 Soon after our marriage I discovered my husband was an Alcoholic. He would come home from work everyday sit on the computer talk in NFL chat rooms and start on his 12 pack. He would usually come to bed at about 2 or 3 am and want to have sex, or talk about the meaning of life. As the marriage progressed I started feeling more and more resentful of him, I felt like his mother, I had to make sure the bills were paid, manage the money, clean the house, do the shopping, I had to physically take him to the bank to get him to open a local checking account!

He is in the Military and was facing possible deployment and that's when things got really bad. He became verbally abusive. He told me that he was getting the run around about weather he was getting deployed or not or weather he was getting stop-lossed  and that if I didn't call the governor or some other elected official to get the answers he wanted it was my fault if he got deployed. He called me a horrible wife, and mother, said that if I didn't want to end up living outside in a cardboard box with no food for myself or my six year old daughter that I better make some phone calls. FYI he didn't get deployed.

I was feeling alone, hurt, scared, and angry. I met a man online, and we started chatting, he made me feel good, happy, I finally had someone that I could talk to...Soon we started talking on the phone, I started having feelings for him. After about a month or two he flew here to see me. We spent three days together. My husband knew I was going to meet him, and begged me not to go, obviously I went anyway. I had told him previously that I didn't consider us a couple and that I wanted a divorce.

Getting to the point, I slept with this other man, really I had a great weekend with him, he and I discussed me moving to be with him, I truly cared about him and he cared about me, it felt like we were meant to be together....But I couldn't bring myself to move away and the more I thought about it I didn't want a divorce I wanted to try to make things work with my husband.

My husband and I moved into a new home, things started getting better,he started going to AA and has been sober three months now, we started going to marriage counseling, he knew about the affair and that I had slept with him, he has had full access to my cell phone, emails, Facebook, and Myspace . I made sure to answer his phone calls and txts right away, invited him to go places with me even if it was just to run errands. I thought things were OK until out of the blue last Saturday he told me he wanted a divorce. He told me he couldn't get past what I had done.

I was shocked, I didn't know that he had been holding onto everything.
Well he went online found some websites with some advice about moving past an affair, and he has felt empowered ever sincel and told me he didn't really want a divorce. The thing is he now badgers me everyday and I swear things are worse now then they were before. I have done everything he has asked me to do

 I have confessed everything to him and have answered every question he has asked me truthfully, I have gotten rid of any little reminders of that time, clothing, Cd's, emails, everything, I am there for him, I always answer his phone calls and txt msgs right away, if I go anywhere I welcome him to come with me, like I said before he has full access to my cell phone, emails, Facebook, and Myspace. Well that's not good enough, he still attacks me daily, For five days now I have been putting up with this, and I'm about at the end of my rope. We had a marriage counseling yesterday and the whole time we were yelling and screaming at one another.

He says he shouldn't of had to find those websites I should have done it on my own I should have known that those things bothered him. But he never told him that they did, I'm not a mind reader, and I have never been in a situation like this. Maybe I was just ignorant about it. I know he has every right to be hurt, and angry, but yelling/badgering me about it  everyday, and being mean and hurtful isn't doing anything but pushing me away again. I don't know what to do. I'm un-happy, hurt, and sad. I want this marriage to work but I'm not sure if we can get through this. I really am trying and doing my best to do what he asks of me, but I really feel like none of it is good enough. Please I need some advice!

Thanks!

Reading your post was like deja vu for me.  I was a Marines wife a long time ago, and I too had an affair.  Thankfully, no children were involved. 
Being resentful about having to manage the household, banking and such, was one of my excuses to.  I threw that in my ex's face when I tried to justify my affair.  Along with having to manage his paperwork, occasionally polishing his brass and shining his shoes.  I never took into account that he was the one who had to earn the money to put into the bank, wear the brass & boots, and the risk he took doing it.  That, my excuse making and rationalization about the affair lead to my divorce as much as the affair itself.

After my marriage ended as I spent 2 years sleeping  on couches of charitable friends and lived shelters,  I had a lot of time to think about all he did to provide for me, the standard of living he wanted me to have, and how little appreciation I seemed to have for it at the time.

Plus, let me reccommend that threatening divorce should only be when you are absolutely serious about it or it will appear manipulative to the other person and over time become meaningless. Focus on working on things, not on threats. Behavior that's only happening for fear of a threat isn't lasting behavior or sincere.

Let me suggest you contact Marty to find out about our LovePath 911 seminar. It saves marriages in trouble. You can call 866-903-0990 to talk with him or you can click here to have him contact you.