I found out that my husband has been texting a female coworker and also communicates with her through Facebook. The texts and FB posts were mostly friendly but some could be considered flirtatious, and they were always after work hours, sometimes during family time. When I confronted him and told him I was uncomfortable with this "friendship", he blew up and said they were "just friends", she was "like a sister", that I was "crazy" for thinking anything else. Here's the thing: I'm FB friends with all his other coworkers (small office) except this one girl and he has made sure to delete any signs of communication with her (FB & texts) so  that I can't see them. However, he agreed to stop the communications. We started to work on mending our marriage, until...

This morning I caught him posting to her FB again and it was a joke full of sexual innuendos. I looked back at cell phone records and saw that he had also been texting her although now it was only occasionally. I confronted him again and he immediately flew off in a rage. He said that I shouldn't try to control his friendships and it was ridiculous that I was accusing him of anything. I am not trying to control his friendships. As a matter of fact, he has many female friends but they are married and are mutual friends with me. I have no problem with these women whatsoever. This coworker is not married and there has been no attempt from my husband or her to make us mutual friends. My husband has now un-friended her on FB [made a BIG angry show of it too], but will not speak to me.

He denies any emotional attachment to this woman and says this is all my problem for not trusting him or letting him continue his friendship. As a wife, am I right in my suspicions and boundary expectations for our marriage? Or am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?

Update: I found out that when he went shopping the other day, he found something on sale that he thought she would like. He texted her to see what color she wanted and offered to buy it for her. He said he even had to stop someone else in the store to make sure he was getting the right color that she requested. When he returned to the office, he said she paid him back. However, I have to think that if I found something a coworker/friend might like, I would let them know about the sale so they could check it out themselves, not make an effort to get the exact right thing and pick it up for them. Is that normal for a coworker/friend?

I found the receipt and asked him about the item. He seemed more than willing to offer up his story, but still...

A very clear sign of a person's involvement with another having crossed boundaries is when they become quickly annoyed when challenged about their relationship with that person. Innocent people don't get angry and call the spouse crazy and that kind of thing. Whether he has touched her or not, this has gone too far. His behavior makes it more than obvious. If you wait or let him continue to manipulate you, the odds of his growing tired of her and this winding down are slim. It is much more likely it will get worse.

If you make clear lines here and enforce them, he will react with anger, manipulation, and a host of other things. If you let him manipulate you, your marriage is headed into very, very bad times. Be strong. You know that those texts, the purchase, etc. have crossed the line. The question now is whether you will be strong enough to stop it now.

Understand that if this has gone further than you think, putting your foot down may cause him to leave for her. If he does, he was going to anyway. In other words, your making a stand will not cause any bad things to happen, though it might expose bad things already going on behind the scenes. It is still best, in my opinion, to call him to accountability now and put consequences to his unacceptable behavior. Going through some anger and distance for a few months as he heals is much, much better than trying to recover from a full blown affair.