hello I'm a 20 year old woman, my husband is almost 22, we have been together since we were 14 and 15 years old. by the time we were 18 and 19 we were married and had twin boys who were born 14 weeks early and are now both  permanently disabled to different degrees and have a lot of medical needs. to say the least it hasn't been all peaches and cream. my husband has not been very supportive through all the very difficult hospital stays and all the boys care. i don't think he ever dealt with the reality of our situation. he reverted into the computer and started getting heavy into video games. i would say he was depressed, but would never talk to me. to say the least so much resentment build up on my part. the two years we have been married have been stressful and we have been given a lot of responsibility in such a short time, I'm dealing. he never has. he made a female friend at college and i told him not to put himself in a situation to be tempted.  we argued because he hadn't gotten around to telling her he was married, he said they weren't that friendly for personal details to come up, yet he knew this female had a boyfriend. it started causing a lot of tension in our relationship. he said he finally told me that he told her he was married and had children. they had no contact over the summer and things were okay between us, we brought one of the boys home from the hospital, he was being more helpful and we were getting some normalcy back. we were talking about our future plans and things were generally getting better. September rolled around and he was back in school and he began being distant, i confronted him about his behavior and how we needed to work out things so our relationship could get stronger not worse. we actually talked about breaking up and he said he didn't want to try  anymore but could not give me a reason. i just knew in my gut he must be interested in the woman from school. i argued with him, screamed yelled cried and begged. then i did research i contacted the girl and he didn't know he was married, she said my husband was her best friend. anyway he ended up apologizing to her for not telling her about the boys and that he already broke up with me. then she took her to the hospital to see our son, who he had not seen in a month. i was appalled to say the least. right now he never comes home, he hardly sees the kids. every time i see him he is texting constantly i assume to her.  he is in a serious delusional state, he is not the person i knew all these years. he is defensive, dishonest, acting so selfish. i dont know what is wrong with him but he really only cares for himself and his desires and im amazed at the way he will stop at nothing to get his way. he says that he isn't married anymore!!  i told him i'm not divorcing him, i know he is not being himself and he said he doesn't want to give me any hope for us to be together. i used to be the love of his life, the person he would move a mountain for. he finally agreed to go to lovepath 911, but he is using his job as an excuse. i called his boss to ask for the time off cause our family is in crisis and we need to GO!! im being independent, taking care of the children and taking care of myself. he is noticing the changes but he is so deep in the limerence state he is blinded and making every justification. im just leaning on the good LORD i pray for him and this woman.  im having faith that God will tear these strongholds down. my husband is just running away from all the responsibility of marriage and children. he thinks he is happy..yea a ife without any responsibility is great. i decided im going to weather the storm with him, it hurts to see what he is doing and how he is making everyone that loves him into an enemy but he doesnt think unconditional love exists and i know it does cause of the Lord. he just seems to have no remorse or care in the world.... very hard, but God is faithful

I do agree that you need to sit down with your husband and try to talk things out. Tell him (calmly!) that you will not put up with this and you need him. Do not sound desperate. Do not raise your voice. Most importantly do NOT talk bad about the other woman to him. He will only see that as a desperate move on your part and putting down the one he "loves." Try to put yourself in his shoes for a minute. Would you like it if someone disrespected your husband? No, you'd defend him. It will only make him more attached to her and want to be her "savior" from you.

But your situation is definitely not uncommon. You met while teenagers and from what it sounds like, really didn't date anyone else. Neither one of you had a chance to "explore" all the different types of people and come to a conclusion of what you are looking for. But, that's fine! A lot of people do that and they have no problems. But, it seems now that since your twins were born w/ problems that it has sent your husband into a state of rebellion in a way. He is not wanting to deal with what is going on and is finding an outlet. You both are so young and have a tough road ahead but you need to go it together.

Read this article by Joe Beam about how to save a marriage after an affair. I really think it will help you and give you the advice you need right now.

http://www.marriagehelper.com/how_to_save_marriage_after_an_affair.php

Good luck and keep us posted.