My husband of 5 years( been together 10) became very distant in early March of this year. He had always been a very loving husband, an excellent father, a proud and strong Christian and just an all around good person. We had the same issues in our marriage as many other do. Money problems, stress from work, trying to make time for each other while trying to take time for ourselves and so on.. We never went to bed angry and we always tried to talk out any serious issues( a few have came up along the way but nothing like this..) over all we generally enjoyed each others company and at least I thought we were in all this together, a team. I have let myself go a bit but our sex life never seemed to suffer.
I encouraged him to make friends at work. He became friends with a guy named Marcus early this year. Marcus is a few years younger( my husband is 28) and Marcus is single. My husband soon started acting weird, like cursing, which didn't offend me because I cuss but he NEVER cursed and he was constantly on his cell texting. One day he accidentally sent me a message that was meant for Marcus. It had been a reply to Marcus after Marcus had sent a text about a girl he had slept with the night before. My husband was telling Marcus how hot she sounded and made a comment about what kind of underwear she was wearing. I was very upset. I asked him why he was behaving this way and he asked me if I thought he had fallen away from God ever since he had taken his new job, which required him to work Sundays most of the time and causing him to miss Worship service. I wish I had answered differently. I said "No" because in my mind, he couldn't fall away from God. His love and faith in the Lord is what first drew me to him. I fell in love with him watching him give his first sermon. I prayed to have faith like him. I thought it was unwavering. Over the next few weeks he became even more withdrawn. he was working later and when i would call he would say he was "just finishing up some stuff in the personnel office" which i later found out is where she worked. I was so foolish> I remember being so angry with his boss for making him work late. i would run his bath or lay out clothes for his shower(whichever he'd prefer) and make sure his dinner and dessert were ready at 10 at night. I described his behavior to friends and they all said that they thought he was cheating. I couldn't believe it. After another week of him sleeping on the couch because i couldn't get him to come to bed with me. He also slept with his phone is his pocket so I couldn't see it. I asked to borrow it one day to make a call and he freaked out and started erasing messages. I finally checked his call log on-line. A # kept popping up. He called it or vice versa about 4 or 5 times a day. I decided to ask him about it and at first he denied it but then admitted that he had been seeing a woman(also married) from work. He said that it was not sexual, that they had only kissed. He said that he loved me and didn't want a divorce but that he had feelings for her too. He said he needed time away to think. I asked him not to talk to her because he needed to think about his family. I left with our son so he could get a few things together, this was a Friday afternoon. I checked the call log again on Saturday night and they had spoken to each other 18 times. I called him and he told me that he hadn't loved me in years and that he wanted a divorce. I was floored. I told him there was no way I buying that he hadn't loved me in years...he couldn't have faked all that emotion. I asked him to tell me about this woman that was worth throwing his family away for. I asked how old she was, he said he didn't know that they didn't talk about that(she's 33) I asked if she had children, again he said he didn't know(she has 2) I told that I knew more about her than he did. I asked what they talked about that was so amazing, he said they just talk about being together and that they had a really passionate and emotional relationship. He walked away from the church the next day. He resigned as song leader and told me he didn't care what any of those people thought about him. He said he was "expected to go to church, expected to get baptized, expected to graduate high school and college, expected to get married and have a baby..." This is not my husband. He says that she will leave her husband to be with him . I found her and her husband on facebook and she deleted both pages and disconnected her home number. She sure is scrambling to cover this up for a woman who wants out. My husband sees his son about 10 hours a week. He has gone 4 days without even asking about him. I checked the call log one last time over a week ago. I had 800 texts for the month of April, he had almost 6000. To me that screams obsession, not love. i asked once more to stop talking to her and to give our marriage a chance. he put his arms up and in a pitiful sounding voice said "I don't think can stop talking to her." He is staying with a friend and I found out yesterday that he has 6 of her pics all over his wall. I will never believe that he hasn't loved me in all these years, but I believe that he feels like he doesn't now. I called our old pastor, who also married us and told him what was going on. He said he wanted to talk to him(my husband really looks up to him)My husband never did anything wild or had a party stage so some of my friends think he is rebelling(15 years too late). I want to save my family but he won't go to counseling. I want the man I love and married back. I know things will never be the same but I at least want the chance, and maybe we can be stronger than ever. I believe with all my heart that what we had was real, even if it is too buried for him to see. My husband is a follower. I think he thinks the grass is greener. I believe in him and his faith in the Lord. My friends tell me to file for divorce and be done with him. I think that is the easy way out. I believe in my marriage and my husband. I am however, realistic about the situation. If he wants out, he will have to file. I will not help him destroy this family. My goal is to save it. Will I ever get my family back together? Will he ever regret this? Can an infatuation with someone you barely know be so strong that you would walk away from everything you love and can it make you convince yourself that the love has been gone awhile? he is blaming me and problems that we didn't have(at least i didn't know about them)? It feels pretty hopeless...

Just for clarification, MBlayton, my husband and I do not have any kids...  We have been married 5 and a half years, though, and together for 7 total.  Praying for you.

I highly recommend doing everything you can to get your husband to go with you to a Lovepath seminar. Give them a call and they can instruct you on the many ways that you can get your spouse to go. Also, yes, infatuation can make a person throw away everything and "rewrite" history.  I will pray for you.

mblayton....wow.  I felt like I was reading MY story.  My husband too became very distant in march and found out in Jun (well was confirmed I guess because I had suspicions) that he was in an emotional affair with a VERY close friend of ours.  He told me that he wasn't in love with me any longer, hasn't been happy for a long time (prove that to me), and that they want to be together.  He finally told me in October that he wanted a divorce and stopped having his checks deposited in our checking account and took a large amount of money out of our account.  I had to meet with an attorney and had to start proceedings so I could get use of the house (he also walked out in June), maintenance, and child support.  I am dragging the divorce out as long as possible b/c I know that he thinks he is in love with her but I think it is dying out already. She is now divorced, and my "husband" is continuing to make stupid decisions with himself and involving our kids. 

I am working on getting some friends together to try to do an intervention b/c this is NOT the same man from a year ago.  In Feb I intercepted a text message from her taht said,. "I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about you."  From April to May, he had over 4600 text messages with her.  Sounds like an obsession as well....  His relationship with her became physical at some point this summer.  Despite how sick I feel about that, for some reason I STILL want our marriage to work. WE have 2 kids under age 5 and my kids miss their father.  I am trying to get him to realize what he is missingout on.  I too have the intervention sheet and it has made a lot of sense and keeps things in prospective.  I realize that I am not dealing with my husband, but someone much like a drug addict.  The "drug" has taken over my husband...and he needs help.

Keep your chin up and realize you are not alone.  Keep working on YOU and your kids and be the best person you can be.  God won't leave you.....He will be there to help you along the way!