My sweet friend is just devastated

felin
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« on: February 08, 2011, 04:14:56 PM »

Hello all,

I have a dear friend who has just discovered that her husband is having an affair. From what I gather, he is claiming that it is only emotional. I think that she believes that it is more.

Whatever the case, she is absolutely devastated and so broken. They've been married 34 years.
I want to be able to give her godly advice and wondered what you all would say she should do in regards to asking him to leave. She was confused about whether to continue on living under same roof or whether she should move out. My advice was that since he is the one in continuing sin and refusing to end things, he should be the one to leave.

I believe that God can do a miracle but that he must respond to the Holy Spirit.

I am praying for her. Please pray for her...and for him with me.

Thank you,
Felin


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Kimberly
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Re: My sweet friend is just devastated

« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2011, 08:38:28 PM »

I am so sorry that this is happening to your friend. What an awful thing to ever have to go through...

The best advice I can think of you to give her is to not ask him to leave. I believe that even though infidelity is absolutely a terrible sin, forgiveness can take place and God can work miracles. He has done so in so many people's lives who have been through affairs. I am no marriage counselor, although I am studying to do so. I have found some articles that may be helpful to you to give her. The first one is about why he might have gotten into an affair. The second one is how a marriage can be saved from an affair.

http://www.marriagehelper.com/married_but_in_love_with_someone_else.php

http://www.marriagehelper.com/how_to_save_marriage_after_an_affair.php

We will definitely be praying that he will stop his affair, even if it is "just emotional" and that she can get through this with strength.


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Kimberly
New Wife Blog | Troubled Marriage Help

Joanna
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Re: My sweet friend is just devastated

« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2011, 01:10:00 PM »

I agree with Kimberly, no one needs to move out! If he is "free" then the "emotional" might turn into "physical" and then it will be much worse. He needs to be at home. He needs to face his wife everyday and have that accountability (if that's all that's keeping him from going further).

Tell your friend to read the articles and then look into attending the LovePath 911 workshop. It saves every 3 out of 4 marriages. And most of those are ones that have been affected by an affair.

Also, please tell your friend not to separate from her husband. Like I said, that will be the worst thing that they could do at this point.


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"Marriage problems? Get off your tail and do something about it." ~ Me

cindyjo
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Re: My sweet friend is just devastated

« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2011, 10:15:40 PM »

As a woman who has been there, I completely agree with Joanna and Kimberly. No one should move out at this point.

Trust me, I know how hard it is to stay put especially when the natural instinct is to leave. But, I also know that my decision to stay after the discovery of my husband's affair was the best decision I have ever made. Although I was ready to move out that awful day, I decided to give myself 30 days before making a that decision.

I did this for three reasons. First, I wanted to allow the very raw, initial emotions I was feeling to subdue if even just a little bit. Even as devasting as it was, I knew that I would not sob, weep and wail forever. Afterall, you can only cry so much and for so long before you are almost all cried out. Secondly, I decided that if I was going to leave my marriage I wanted to do it with the least amount of regret as possible. I did not want to leave and then wonder if I made the right decision or not. Finally, I decided that I did not want to make such a life-changing decision in my broken state of mind.

Had I not stayed for those 30 days I know without a doubt that things would be very different for us. Instead, I am able to say that my husband and I survived an affair. I am able to say that our marriage is better than it ever has been.

This is a critical time for her marriage. Please counsel your friend to hang in there - to not leave and to not ask her husband to leave. If it seems impossible for her to commit to 30 days, tell her to start with just one day, and then another. One day at a time - one foot in front of the other.

Blessings,
Cindy


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