Just devistated. The story goes, happily together since June 1992, married in Sept 1998 and enjoyed a great life time, travel and financial freedom. Had girl/boy twins in Feb 2007. It was tough but we stuck through it and was quite proud we did not become one of the divorce numbers associated with having multiple. I had a tough time for the first 2 years as I had lost all time and my wife. Every day was get up, feed a baby, go to work, come home, play with a baby, feed a baby, bath a baby and put a baby to sleep. I know, whine, whine, whine... It was tough though but I came around shortly after and it got easier. I had developed a pretty bad drinking habit to help with the stress and lonelyness and it did bother my wife. But, I was always loving to her and gave her all I could. When she wanted a bigger house, I found one, when she wanted to shop or get away there was never a problem. When she wanted to take this year off (my suggestion) to be with the kids, unpaid I agreed. I did quite a bit for her from thoughful gifts to love and attention. I'm very loving and affectionate and she is not the most and it started to affect me.

I had been suspicious for a while but could not beleive she could ever do it. But sure enough, after installing a key logger, the jigg was up. I caught her as it was ending and confronted her and it came out that she had been having an affair for 1.5 years with a co-worker. It started when the kids were just 2 and ended this past December. As we talked about it she said that she had felt worthless and unimportant since the kids had been born and that this 46 year old man, 10 years her elder, who started flirting with her made her feel good. To the point where one night while out with people from work, he invited her to his car and she said yes. I was shocked and still am. Over the next year and a half they were together about 8 more times from what she can remember. There were no dates, nothing romantic, just a build-up at work with flirting until they would go to his car (disturbing to anyone who knows my wife - and to me of course). She did seem to pursue him more the last three month while she was home with the kids. Texting and such and it ended in December in a hotel room. This really does bother me as I took a big hit for her to be off and this was the pay back.

I really did love her to death and would have given her my sight. When she told me and saw my sadness and utter devistation it's like she snapped out of it and was just realizing what she had done. Ya I know, sure... It's been very hard for me to understand how she could do it to me and the kids but insisted that it had nothing to do with us, it was separate. When she was with me, that is where she wanted to be and loved me and the kids but did feel we had been just doing the motions for a while. Sex-wise it was good but I always wanted more and this is where it's also hard. She didn't feel wanted and liked that this other man wanted her. Again, can't understand since it was easy for me to do special things for her.

I've had a rough go since finding out on January 6th, 2011 and there's been a few big bumps with other information coming out after. We started therapy right away but have had to change therapists once because we didn't feel she was doing enough. I've lost about 22 pounds from about 158, now on Effexor (just starting) and seeing my own therapist, and think I have no choice to take time off work because I just can`t. My wife`s anxiety worsened and she is also in therapy on meds too. She`s been going slightly longer and they think she may have been depressed since the kids had been born. Dealing with abandonment and other issues. She had actually gone twice to see her doctor about post-partum and was dismissed. She also had gone through a depression in 2001 and was on meds for 2.5 years then. We actually went through couples counselling then and almost split (she had an emotional affair then).

My wife has been amazing since it came out. Well, of course right. It`s the wife I`ve been waiting for. She seems totally committed now but I have trouble with the price I had to pay. I`m still haunted by images and have a lot of anger about it and emotionally stone her when I am angry. She`s not using anything as an excuse and is taking full responsibilty but I still have not reached any good level of trust yet. I want to make a good go of it since I do still love her dearly and think there is a special person in there. But, some days I think she`s an awful person and some stranger because she kept so much from me about how she felt (she has trouble communicating) when I could have helped. Instead I feel she made a wrong choice for us.

Also having trouble letting go of the other guy and how I want to make him pay. I know it takes two to tango and he also has a family. But, I have lost it all and my wife is not going back to her well-paying job and buddy is sitting there pretty. I know that should not be the focus but don`t want to have regrets later either.

Looking for some encouragement I guess or just thoughts on the situation...

Thanks for listening.

Mike

i feel for u i do. i hate we have gone thru this