JD2111,

My heart goes out to you.  Have you confronted her about this?  Does she know that you KNOW?

If you have not confronted her about it yet...  she will likely try to turn the tables on you for SPYING on her.  But don't fall for that.  SHE is the one who has MESSED UP big here.

At the same time... if you're about to be away for a year... that is HARD on you AND on your wife.  You both have needs that are going unfulfilled while you are apart.  But for your wife to have another man over the INSTANT you leave for a week...that is misbehavior and the ultimate form of disrespect and betrayal.  If she can't last a week without you... how is she supposed to go a whole year?

It seems to me that she is using you for housing, benefits, insurance, etc...  and can do whatever she wants while you're gone.  That's a good life, FOR HER!

Here's the thing JD,

Your kids are always going to be your kids, whether you are married or not.

You have exactly a couple of months to decide what you want to do before you go on deployment.  One thing is for certain.. and that's YOU cannot be distracted by this while you are away. 


I'm going to be blunt... but it's only because I care.

BECAUSE you will do anything to get her back...  BECAUSE you can't bear the thought of loosing her...  BECAUSE you NEED her so badly...   IS THE REASON that she cheats on you the instant you are away.

Your entire sense of self worth is wrapped up in this woman.  Your value does not come from her.  It comes from you and the God that created you.

My advise to you is to have a confrontation with your wife along these lines:

"<Wifename>,  As your husband I am completely and totally accountable to you.  I have kept my marriage vows to you and have remained faithful EVEN while on deployment.  You have not done the same for me.  You have shown me that you cannot be trusted.  So please tell me...  why should I provide for you any longer, when you are premeditating another man coming here right after I leave?"

JD,
If you have to constantly worry about, keeping tabs on, and checking up on your wife while you are away... then she is NOT the woman for you!  You cannot do your job effectively.  It's one thing for her to make a mistake... it's another thing to let her mistake EAT AT YOU for days, weeks, and months.

If you want a renewed commitment from her, that is if you want to keep her, then she needs to give up any privacy.  Everything from her facebook account, to bank statements, to her personal email and text messages.  It must ALL be transparent and available to you.

You are a MAN.  You do not play games.  She can either be your faithful wife... or you send her packing.  If she will not be accountable to you, her husband, then I would say that she IS planning on keeping parts of her life separate from you.

I don't know how old you are, but I'm sure you've come to realize that military men are easy targets for women who'd like nothing more than to use you for a better lifestyle while you're here... and spend your money and screw around while you're gone.  The sacrifice you make for our country means absolutely nothing to them.
I'm not saying your wife is that type of person.  Only you know for sure.

Hope this helps some.
David

To start out I would like to say good luck to you in this process of healing. I recently have fought the facebook BS. I personally hate this website where people have realtionships unknown to others including married couples. Up until recently both me and my wife have had each others facebook account passwords. She changed hers partly because she found out I was checking it often and I told her to change it so it would stop me from this. While I thought that was a good idea, I don't like it. I have like 30 friends, she has like 300, I think all of her ex's and people she has slept with as well. While I have never found anything that was "cheating" per say I have found many conversations of guys talking to her no acceptable to a married woman. Now were you guys living together while she would leave for the night and not come back till morning? Or were off on base? If you were home, did you question this? How could you have not thought anything strange about this? Also where were the kids during this night of missing?