Having talked to people in that situation, I think that's normal. The spouse who had the affair has to eat some humble pie for a time and it's not natural for you to totally trust again...yet. Trust takes time to rebuild.

Trust also takes time to rebuild for the spouse who cheated as well. The cheating spouse probably did so because a need wasn't being met by the other spouse (that doesn't excuse what the cheater did). So trusting the other spouse to meet that need takes time as well.

If you did completely trust at this point, it wouldn't make complete sense I don't think. If I were you I'd put that stuff on hold. You're choosing to trust at this point despite your feelings.

All of this is just my opinion. You can also go through the seminar again for free to further fine tune things.

I have definitely been there! My husband confessed to three affairs: He confessed to one affair in 2001 and confessed to the other two a couple of years ago. All three affairs had happened before he confessed the first one. He just couldn't bring himself to tell me about the other two. Before he confessed the last two affairs, I had feelings of distrust way more than I do now. The last two affairs were with friends of mine, and I had suspected they had happened. When my husband confessed to those two affairs and voluntarily took steps to separate himself from the two women, that regained most of my trust.

Because of the seminar, we discovered that my husband is bipolar 2. That explains some of his behavior, and he is taking meds for it. However, getting him to take the meds is a struggle because he fears that he won't have the "manic" episodes that he enjoys. So my trust issue now is about him realizing that he needs the meds for himself and not just for my sake.

Yes, we need to look at ourselves to see what we need to change. Certainly we haven't been perfect. But sometimes the person that has the affair has deep-seated issues that need to be addressed, whether it's a disorder, childhood experiences (my husband is in counseling for his childhood experiences), etc.

One thing that has helped me in the past is to see my husband as the hurting little boy that he is inside. I even have framed pictures of him as a child to help me do this.

When my husband confessed to the first affair, I thought everything would be instantly okay. I was wrong about that. In our case, it wasn't a quick fix. We just need to take one day at a time, clinging to our faith in God. I believe that one day God will use our stories to glorify Him--just like He is doing with Joe and Alice.