Three years ago I cheated on my husband, we were going through a really hard time in our marriage. Fighting constantly, weren't having sex or being intimate or loving in any form. I regretted everything that happened and never told my husband. Then a yr ago he found out and we r still together but marriage has been rocky ever since. I renewed my vows to him and got him a new wedding ring to symbolize my new faithfulness to him. So now a yr later, he goes away on a work trip and we had been fighting a lot. He would get mad at me for every little thing. Come to find out he had hooked back up with an old friend from college and had been talking to her on the phone and so forth. She lives really far away. I found out through going through his email. So he came to me and said ok this is what's going on. He said that after I cheated he felt that betrayed and defiled. He has never been with any other woman but me. We both saved ourselves for each other. He said that I got to go out and experience another man and now he feels he needs to do the same. He also says that if he goes and has sex with another woman it will make him feel even. He said he will be able to look at what I did to him and say well I did the same so it doesn't matter anymore. So basically he said he was planning on going this past weekend to go visit and planned on getting drunk and having sex with this girl. But she chickened out and it didn't happen. So he keeps on telling me, it is what it is. He talks to her on the phone and sends messages all day. But he says he lves me and wants to be with me. It's a just a concept with her and he has to let this girl think that we are separated in order for her to ever do anything with him. So up till now I have said ok do what u need to and let's move on. The problem is that now because it is happening all in front of me, I am internalizing everything. I feel ugly, inadequate , not good enough. When we are spending time together he still sends her messages and stuff, and then deletes it, even though "he's not trying to hide anything from me". Every night I lay on my side of the bed and see his phone light go on and off and hear him clicking the keyboard till sometimes 1am or later. I can't go in like this, I thought I was strong enough but I don't know what to do. I want him to just go and get it over with so we can move on but i have a feeling because how skeptical this girl is, I'm going to be waiting forever. What should I do?

Whoa....slow down here.

He cannot fix the marriage by "revenge cheating"...this is a huge mistake.  He needs to break all contact with this women immediately.

The both of you need to revisit what happened in the past because it sounds as if you two decided to "rug-sweep" and never really addressed the pain that was caused when you had your affair.

As long as you allow this sort of behavior it will continue....place your feet firmly in the ground..and refuse to play by these rules.

My husband cheated on me, but getting even never crossed my mind. I agree with all the replies. He needs to stop communicating with the girl as this would even complicate things even more.

I think that the best think to do is to talk seriously about this situation because otherwise the relationships is going to be a real disaster , you have to make a decision today when there is still love every thing can be fix , but if Your just go with the flow your live will be like this from now on and never go back to normal again

Absolutely this is NOT ok. You are not still having an affair, and he's treating you like you are. He's choosing adultery over his marriage to you. Don't believe for a minute this is in ANY way this will make it all better. He's even lying to the other woman to get laid. He's using her.....and he's using your guilt to get away with it under your nose. Get a counselor involved, and tell this old girlfriend what's going on. She can't say she didn't know any better if you tell her. And if willing to lie to her he's willing to lie to you. He's just getting revenge in a twisted way.