Where to begin ... OK, here goes ... My DW and I have been married now for 22 years ... I am 54 yrs. old, and she is 2 years younger ...we got married on December 24th, 1987 in her apartment in Indiana ... she had a son from a previous marriage ... her ex is a guest of the State of Florida ... they were divorced in May of '82. We met by accident ... she was living in Indiana, and I was living in Florida ... at the time, her oldest brother and my older sister were next-door neighbors ... and thought it would be neat to introduce us ... and on the night of August 6th, 1986, we talked for the first time ... on the phone ... for over 3 hours!

Fast forward a bit ... our oldest son (hers) decided, in 1995 ... that he didn't want to live in Florida with us anymore ... and so he made the arrangements and moved back to Indiana to live with his Uncle ... he still lives there today. Needless to say, my DW was crushed ... they had been so close before our marriage, and for him to reject both of us like that was a devastating blow ...

Then, in 1997, her youngest brother died of cancer ... she was with him when he passed ... and 1 year later, her oldest brother (the one who introduced us) died from cancer as well ... and again, she was with him when he passed ... once again, devastation for the entire family ... she was now the only child left to her parents ...

At this time, she had begun a new position with our local Hospital, working the night shift in the ICU ...and this is when our marriage began the slow decent into turmoil ... in February of 2004, she began an affair with a co-worker ... I found out about it towards the end of June that summer ... I had no idea that anything was "going on" ... I was devastated ... over the next two weeks, she "broke things off" with the "other man" ... actually, he told her that he would not be the reason that her marriage failed, and dumped her ... now, she was devastated ... she loved him, and wanted him ... but he didn't want her ... so, after the initial feelings had worn off, we decided to try and put things back together between the two of us ... but the worst was yet to come.

Over the course of the next 6 months, under the guise of "going out with her girl friends" ... she was continuing to slip off and meet up with him ... again, I had no idea ... she finally told me everything in January of 2005 ... I was crushed ... she had lied to me again, even while we were supposed to be rebuilding our relationship ... she said that ""the sex was just too good ... she couldn't help herself ... so I told her to arrange to meet him and, once and for all, sort this out. If she was going to take up with him, then she needed to tell him so and move out ... if she was going to stay, then there could be no more contact with him ... of any kind. She didn't like it, but she agreed ...

Over the course of the next few years, we again began the painful process of trying to rebuild our marriage ... but in January of 2008, I lost my job ... after 18 years with the company, I was laid off ... I've been in the Civil Engineering / Land Development industry here in SW Florida for 30 years ... we had to sell our home that we'd built in 2001 ... designed it ourselves ... but we were able to find a condo close by, at a good price ... until it was discovered in February of 2009 that our condo was contaminated with Chinese Drywall ...

It had not been a good two years anyway, but on December 14th ... one day after our youngest son's 21st Birthday ... she informed me that she wanted a "separation" ... she didn't love me like a wife should love her husband, she said ... and she saw no point in continuing to "live this lie" that she'd been doing for the past two years ...

She left for Indiana on December 28th ... to visit our oldest son, his wife, and our grandson ... she's due to return on January 18th (one week) ... and I have no idea what to expect when she returns ... I had moved all of my stuff out of our bedroom, and was sleeping in the den since the 15th of December ... sharing the bathroom with our youngest son ... but while she's been gone, I've been sleeping in our bedroom ... but I haven't moved any of my things back ...

While she's been gone, it has come to my attention that she's maintained contact with this "other man" via e-mail all this time ... she wanted to remain "friends" with him, and had stayed in contact with him ... I knew that there was a reason that she had been unable to "re-commit" to our marriage ... and now I know what it was ... she does not know that I know ... yet.

I know that she is frustrated, angry and hurt by what the past two years have brought to our family ... I have been looking for any kind of work I could find during this time, but jobs are scarce here ... and we can't sell our place and move because of the Chinese Drywall mess ... but she has had enough, she says ...

I do not want a divorce ... and I will not sign anything that she serves me with ... because I still want my marriage to work ... we have kept in touch by e-mail while she's been gone, but only with cursory comments ... at times, it reads like she's softening a bit ... at other times, not so much ... her circle of friends here in Florida is not what one would consider Godly Christian people ... which is a surprise, of sorts, because she considers herself a Christian woman ... "God wants me to be happy, and I can't be happy here" ...

She also has told her friends that I am too "controlling" ... I am still trying to figure that out ... I send our sons copies of two devotional e-mails that I get each day ... and I copy her on them ... after all, she is their mother ... and I have, on two occasions while she's been away, sent e-mails with Inspirational Christian Artwork and Photos to them ... again copying her ... some with scripture verses on them, some not ... and now her best friend, in Indiana, tells me that I have "over-whelmed her" with my e-mails ...

I don't know what to do ... I want to stand for my marriage ... I do not want to give up ... and I have joined a Bible Study Group at a local Church for married couples that is designed to help couples to strengthen their marriages through Christ ... but I have little hope that she will want to join me there upon her return ...

Where am I wrong ... what am I missing ... Lord, Help Me !!!

She is in Indiana right now ... her best friend, of 25 years, is a strong, Christian woman ... and is reluctant to involve herself in our difficulties ... she considers herself a friend to both of us ... and does not want to "take sides" ...

On the other hand, her best friend down here in Florida where we live has not exactly been what one would consider a "Godly Influence" ... encouraging my wife that while it would not be easy to be "on her own" and "away from all of the stress and pain" that she has been dealing with being here ... she could help her "get on her feet".

I have begun two Bible Study Groups at Church ... one is for couples (but they allowed me in) who are looking for tools to strengthen their marriages, no matter what state they're in ... and the second is for those who are either looking at the possibility of divorce ... or who have already gone through the devastation and are trying to put the pieces back together ... I am doing these for myself, as I have no idea where God is leading me right now ... and I need to find support and insight where I can find it ... I have mentioned these opportunities to my wife, but am not anticipating that she will participate ... she is not in a place right now where she would be receptive to what she considers "outsiders" ...

God has a lot of work to do in her ... but I believe that the truth of the Word of God is with me ... and I can draw some comfort in that ... but it is extremely difficult for me to let go and let God ... my faith is being severely tested right now ... I have no job (laid off for two years now), our home has Chinese Drywall issues, and is not "marketable" under these conditions ... one could say that God is buying us time by not allowing us to "split up" as quickly as she would otherwise like ... small favors, to be sure ...

In my heart, I know that God is preparing both of us for something beautiful, something wonderful ... together ... if we will just trust Him, have Faith ... and believe ...

I agree with derek! If there is any way to get your wife to come to the workshop then DO IT! It sounds like she's running from her problems and not wanting to deal with reality. She needs to come back and face you and either fix things or leave for good. And this whole "overwhelmed with emails" is crap.  She just doesn't want to be reminded that what she's doing is wrong and scripture will do that to people!

Go to the workshop. Like derek said, it won't fix it in one weekend but it'll put you on the right path. Click on the link above or call 866-903-0990.

marig30,

The advice I'll give you is the same that I gave Ray. Go to the LovePath 911 workshop. It WILL help your marriage and open both of your eyes to how all of this started (and no, it didn't start with the affair), and give you the insight and knowledge on how to fix your marriage. The next one is coming up this month, Feb. 19-21. If you want your marriage to have a chance, then get yourself and your husband to this workshop! Otherwise, both of you are going to end up miserable and eventually, apart.  Call 866-903-0990 for more info and to register.

Joanna