thorn in the flesh?

Bulldog
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thorn in the flesh?

« on: October 22, 2009, 05:29:51 PM »

I'm not sure how to word or explain this parallel but it has occured to me that the spouse that has survived adultery by the other spouse will always have some degree of torment or hurt from their spouse's actions. I'm sure it lessens over time (only been a few months for me), but I don't see the hurt ever completely going away.

The apostle Paul received a 'thorn in his flesh' from a messenger of satan that he pleaded with God to remove. God did not remove this 'thorn' because he did not want Paul to become conceited (that's how I read it anyway).

I guess I interpret this to mean that God allows certain hurt or pain to keep us closer to him. I know this is what has happened in my situation. I was not near as close to God as I have been and will continue to be after these events. I, nor my marriage, could have survived without the Lord's presence. However, I fear this intense hurt and pain will be with me for the rest of my life.

Does this make sense? I'm curious to hear if anybody agrees or disagrees.


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macyr1958
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Re: thorn in the flesh?

« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2009, 09:21:07 AM »

I feel this is true. I have been through living hell for the past 2 years as my wife continues her affair, now openly. Throughout all this pain and hurt, I have drawn closer to God. I believe He let this happen to bring us back to him. For me, at least, it worked.


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DR S
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Re: thorn in the flesh?

« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2009, 09:41:26 AM »

Bulldog, ... Well said. Being from the South we quote country music along with scriptures ( Ha Ha ) The Oak Ridge Boys asid.. " I guess it never hurts to hurt sometimes." C S Lewis said.. "God whispers to us in good times and he yells at us in our pain". Like you, I heard his voice.
Dr S


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Joanna
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Re: thorn in the flesh?

« Reply #3 on: October 23, 2009, 11:52:21 AM »

Bulldog, I do not think this hurt will be with you for the rest of your life. It will be with you for a time but eventually it will subside. Right now I'm sure it feels like you will NEVER get over what has happened, and that you may never be able to get past the hurt and betrayal but you will. I notice that you're a part of the "LovePath Club" and I know that means that you've been through the LP 911 workshop. I hope that helped both of you see a lot clearer how things got the way they did, and I also hope that you came out of the weekend with new insight into each other and how to get past this.

It isn't a short road you'll travel but over time things will get better! I heard Joe Beam say one time that an affair sometimes is the best thing to happen to a marriage. He's NOT saying that everyone should go out and have an affair if they want a strong marriage! What he's saying is, in marriages that have experienced affairs, if the couple works through it and works on their marriage and gets past it, then when they come out on the other side they will be closer than they ever have been. They're closer b/c they've learned what happened, why the affair started in the first place, what each spouse needs from the other, and they learn to listen and actually DO what the other needs from them.

It's also a possiblility that God does use affiars, and troubled marriages in general to draw us closer to Him. When you're going through a tough time, where do you turn? And when the problem is solved who do you pull away from? When things are fine we think we've got everything under control, but it doesn't take much (a spouse saying they want out of the marriage) to put us back on our knees and pray with all we've got for God to save us! Then once we get through the tough times we've relied on God so much that we've built that relationship back up and it's easier to talk to Him. Does that make sense? I hope I got across what I'm trying to say :)

Sorry this has happened! But just keep your faith and keep working on your marriage!


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"Marriage problems? Get off your tail and do something about it." ~ Me

Bulldog
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Re: thorn in the flesh?

« Reply #4 on: October 23, 2009, 02:34:51 PM »

Joanna - thank you, yes that does make sense. We did get a lot out of the LP911 weekend and it did open our eyes. I think satan has tried to attack even more since then so we are facing those battles every day.

I have been forever guilty, it seems, of turning to God only when I need him so that's what had me thinking that maybe this will stay with me to keep me from turning my back. But as tough as it is, it is better to hurt with God than to walk through life unharmed but without God.

Thanks again to all of you. I do appreciate your insight.


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cindyjo
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Re: thorn in the flesh?

« Reply #5 on: October 23, 2009, 05:09:03 PM »

Bulldog,
I think you said it very well and it does make sense. I, too, feel as you do. While the hurt and pain has subsided since discovery of my husband's affair, I truly doubt that I will ever be completely free from the effects of his affair. On one hand, I marvel at how far we have come in our healing. Yet on the other hand, I know that so much of this will be with me for a very long time.

Like you, I just keep drawing closer to God and praying that He will take it from me.

Thanks for sharing!
Cindy


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