I stumbled on this website and started reading.  It seems to be a very good forum and wanted to see if I could find some good advice here.

Here's my story:

My wife and I have been married for 13 years, and have 4 wonderful children.
My wife stayed home for all of these years taking care of the kids and doing a great job at it.  She is a wonderful mother.
Last year, she said she is tired of staying at home and wanted to go back to the workforce.  She did and ended up getting a nice job at a bank.  She got a cellphone, new clothes, etc.  Everything was fine, she seemed to like the job, but it was very demanding on family life.  I was supportive about her whole new adventure in life.  After about a month or so after getting her job, she started saying she was falling out of love with me and did not know what to do.  She said she was considering divorce.  This lasted for another month or so, and things started getting worse.  Our communication was always really good, but it seemed as though it was getting worse and worse as time went on.  We were always arguing.  I finally told her to finally make up her mind if she wanted a divorce or not.  She said yes, and told me to move out. 
This I did for 2 months.  During those two months we were still in contact almost every day and were close a few times. 
I kept begging her to reconsider and to take me back.  She filed for divorce and custody of the kids.  A few weeks later she called the whole divorce off and had me move back in.  She quit her job, cancelled the cellphone.
She finally admitted she had an affair with a customer at work and they had been intimate 5-6 times.
That CRUSHED me.  Initially I was very angry and mad.  Then I was sad.  This has been two months ago.  I still am unbelievably sad and the pictures of her being with that other man constantly haunt me.  Makes me feel like less of a man, husband... heck it makes me feel like I am not a man. 
We have talked about all aspects of the affair, and she is being honest  ( I think) about it.
She has stopped the affair completely (So she says) and we are focusing on our marriage.
We have seen a counselor and they are helping a little.  We have read "fireproof" which helped out alot.
She says she is truely sorry, and I am slowly beginning to believe her.
We pray each and every night together, which is helping immensly.  Without the Lords help, I know we could not get thru this.
I would like to know from anyone who has been through this, is there anything else We could possibly do to make this any easier?
She feels guilty, very guilty.  She is scared out of her mind that she is going to get disfellowshipped or excommunicated from our church.  But she sees that it would be just.
I am scared for her, as this has been the one thing (besides me) that she could hold on to in her whole life.  I fear she may go off of the deep end if this happens.
What else could I do to stop being so scared that this will happen again and the occaisional thoughts of him and her together intimately (it is almost like a movie playing in my head and driving me absolutely crazy)
Any help, comments, thought, constructive critizim would be great!!

Thanks

I went through a very similar experience almost a year ago with my wife almost leaving with/for another guy.  Let me say first off, it does get better with time. Like you, my wife told me everything and at first I was crushed, feeling less than a man even to the point of not being able to perform.
The things that made it get better for me were 1) knowing YHWH could get us through this  2) knowing she still wanted the marriage enough to work at it.  3) knowing I contributed to the way she felt prior, by not validating/listening to her, helped me not blame her for the whole thing and really, really forgive her  4) by her sharing with me and my reaction she was able to know I was committed enough to US to work through this, where before she was doubting my level of committment.
You said you guys were praying, keep it up. YHWH has really blessed our marriage through this whole ugly thing, in fact this last year our 20th was by far the best one ever.

Thank so much Dr S, believer, and Steve and Nicole. Your words are wise and the path you describe (and recommend) are dead on.

Thunder, forgive this for sounding as if it were a commercial, but I truly believe we can help the two of you understand how this happened, and how to get past it to having a wonderful marriage that will better than it was before. At the top of this page you see a line that says, NEWS: The next Lovepath 911 marriage seminar is...and then a "click here" for information. If you will, give us a chance to help the two of you overcome this and make a great life together.

By the way, the emotions you feel are normal. In essence you are going through the grief process because you have lost something precious to you. The grief cycle isn't linerar, by cyclical. In short, you will take three steps forward and two steps back. I wish it were some other way, but that's the way it is for everyone who grives the loss of something precious. However, just as the others who have shared said, you can have a good life together.

Keep praying and keep seeking God.

Thank you soooo much everyone who has posted here.  Your words are inspiring.
thank you all for taking the time to read and post here.

We are doing good.  It is just I have bad days when it just completely consumes me and then there are other days where I am on cloud nine and everything in the world is perfect.
I know it is mind over matter on this one, but somehow I can't push the negative thoughts away.
Most of the time I can, and when I succeed, we have a wonderful day.
She is being very supportive, and I must also not forget she if human too and when I am down I bring her down too.
I love this woman to the depth of my soul.  Sometimes I feel I want to get back at her for what she did.  Is this normal?
I know in my heart it would be the worst thing I could do, and it would ruin everything.
I am trying my hardest at being a good, God fearing man.  Knowing what I should do in this situation is to forgive completely and treat her with the utmost respect and honor she deserves.
Why do I feel those feelings of wanting to get back at her?  I must be horrible. 
Can anyone understand that?  What else could I do, besides not acting in any way on those negative thoughts?

I agree. It is hard to forgive. And don't forget, it is IMPOSSIBLE to forget. Many people ( like myself) stuggle with this.
 Can I tell you something that happened recently that has helped me? I started waring my wedding band again. I don't think of it as a reminder of our committment but as a reminder of how God forgave me so I can forgive her.
 Keep praying and thinking Positive thoughts ( Phil. 4 )
 DR S

You need understanding now. Understanding of why and how and with whom this has happened is very important for moving on and healing.According to me forgiveness is best way to get rid of all these things.Take off from work if you can. Go stay somewhere other than where have your home together. This is very important. You need time to think! You need time to sort out all of you conversation.Don't bring up the past.Forgive her and love her.

From the way you spoke of her being excommunicated or disfellowshipped I'm going to assume that you are LDS? It would be great to speak to you...I'm currently trying to save my marraiage from an affair on my wifes part...she is 8 weeks pregnant with her boyfriends kiddo and I could really use the support and advice! Thanks

It sounds to me like your wife is genuinely trying to make amends and do everything she can to make your marriage work.  I understand that you are frightened to be hurt all over again and that you can't get disturbing images out of your head.  But that is okay, that is how you are supposed to feel, so don't try and deny it.  Let the images run or even better try to think about it until you just can't do it anymore.  It's a bit like it helps to talk - think yourself out until you just cannot think about it anymore.  And give both of you a chance.  Your wife must be able to allow you to ask any questions you want and to tell her how you are feeling.  Try not to get into discussions - they usually end up not being constructive.  simply being able to tell her will help.  And if you have questions - write them down and just allow her to answer without interruption.  Good Luck my friend.

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