Hi, i am very new to this and not usually much of an open up type of guy but I am way too lost in my thoughts and I guess really need to open somewhere.  Two years later pretty much sums up a really long story.  Two years ago I had an affair on my then three month pregnant wife.  I guess I can stop anyone reading this now and say yes I know I'm a horrible person and did a horrible thing and guilt still eats me alive everyday, so please don't remind me.  With that said things got really bad during the pregnancy.  I was convinced at the time I would leave my wife to be with the other person, and told her that with my words and actions. I guess deep down do have a good voice in my head who told me leaving one for the other was no way to go and ended the affair shortly after my daughter was born. I KNEW it would not be easy but my wife was willing to forgive and we began marriage counseling. First round was November 2007, lasted 6-8 weeks. When it ended I knew it felt like a band-aid.  We tried living our lives with a pretty outside picture but continued to go in circles good bad good bad fight make up, on and on.  In the spring of '08 we were back in marriage counseling for round two. Again band-aid.  It has now gotten to the point of the big white elephant in the room has started having babies but all we do is pretend it's not there.  Can can talk about the weather and what our daughter did in daycare but thats pretty much it.  She is the type of person who would live forever like this but I don't know how I can.  How can anyone do this?  If I try to begin discussing it i get hit with "ohhhh please not this again." and get darts thrown at me about what I did.  Yes I made that mistake I know don't remind me.  The past is still lived in our everyday lives.  Just this weekend my brother and his wife who are expecting a baby announced the babies name, which has the name of my affair partner in it and I thought my wife was going to lose it.  They have no idea of what her name was be happy for them.  I don't know what to do.  I don't want to leave divorce to me is suicide to a marriage and I don't know that either of us can pull the trigger. But I can't keep this up either the past won't go away from either of our everyday thoughs.  Sorry to ramble thank you

I think you should focus on the root of the problem - your affair. Talk about it, express to her that it was a temporary mistake and that you feel very guilty. If you don't talk about it it will still be present in your marriage every day...