This is a very difficult situation to forget but you can learn to forgive and move on...you guys can definitely benefit from the LovePath 911 Seminar theres one coming up from September 18-20...I can only tell you this is the best thing that we have done for our marriage!

Are you guys going to a marriage counselor?  If so, is it a "faith-based" counselor?

I agree with what's been said so far and add that your wife will need to be a willing participant in healing your marriage.  She will need to communicate what her needs are and be willing to learn what yours are as well.

Definitely, attend the Love Path 911 workshop.

Have faith that God will heal you.  He will replace the images in your head with better ones.

I can't get over the fact that I think she is still talking to him. It seems that the pictures come more and more often these days. I can not get her to go to marriage counseling she says she does not need it. And to be honest the pain of it all is starting to get to me. I would love to do the seminar but right now I am just starting a new job after being without work for 6 months and bills are so behind. I don't know if I really can move on from this.

That's tough and I'm very sorry you're dealing with this. I have a couple of suggestions that might help and I truly hope they do:

1. Give yourself permission to grieve and hurt over this. Don't fight it and don't be shocked or confused when you hurt. I think your response is very understandable and normal.

2. Remember, you have the right to leave according to the Bible. I'm not saying that you should but don't obsess over her as can happen when there's been betrayal like this. She should be in danger of losing you. Maybe she needs to know/feel that. I don't know. I'm certainly not suggesting you act like a child and try to bluff her with threats. But I think you need to feel that you aren't trapped in a life of wanting a woman who might want someone else. I also know that if you really love someone as you seem to love her, it's tough to think of leaving and you don't want to. But I think that if you want to stay and want her to stay that it actually might help if you see yourself as a man who isn't tied to her. The Bible gives you the right to divorce when your spouse has cheated and you need to at least know that in order to get past this obsessive neediness that can sometimes accompany the knowledge of a spouse's betrayal.

3. Try to talk her into going to LovePath 911. Tell her you're not asking her to make a commitment to you or say she loves you more than him or anything. You're just asking her to go to "see if things can be improved or not because that's something (YOU) need to know."

Be strong, confident and joyful around her....preferably about events outside of her. She needs to see that.

Be brave my friend.

Thank you everyone!! I have been trying to let things just be since my last post I don't think it is helping me so much but I can definatly tell a difference in her. She seems to be trying to make me feel her love for me. She has never been the type of person to talk say out loud her true feelings she tries to show me. That has been enough for ten years and I have decided that if I want the marriage to continue that will have to be enough now. This has made a huge difference in her but I still want to hear that she has chosen me and has decided to stay with me because she loves me. It is a horrible battle of will and faith.

Thank you everyone for your words of support and for helping me to have a place to tell my story.

I am not sure where I stand right now I have been talking to a mutual friend of my wife and I a lot about things that are happening and it is really helping but I don't really feel right about it. There is nothing sexual going on with this friend and she is really helping me to cope with what my wife has done.

Also, My wife and I have had a few talks (not fights) and I can see a huge change in her. In fact she has even started being nice to me. This really is kind of freaking me out. She is still not talking to me but she seems to be taking the things that I say to heart and actually trying.

Healing takes time. Worry, anxiety, and hurt come when we hold pictures in our mind of what has happened or what we fear will happen. Peace comes from putting pictures in your mind of what can be and concentrating on that.