Dr S, as far as your relationship being "dry" you need to take the initiative and change that. It's good that you view each other as a team and you still have interaction with each other. As far as seperate bedrooms, that's just opening the door for other things...

If neither of you want to "use" the other, well in my opinion I think you do need to do that. Just b/c if you aren't getting it from her then eventually you'll start searching for it somewhere else. That's just my opinion.

So, go back to sleeping in the same bed. Do things together and rebuild your relationship w/ her. If you have not been through the LovePath 911 workshop, then I highly suggest you look into registering. It will be such a benifit to your marriage. The upcoming one is Oct. 9-11.

Oh, there isn't a spell check yet, but the admin is going to add one very soon :)

I am dealing with the discovery of an affair last night. My wife told me she was going to the hospital to see a sick friend(Absolutely True). After she left the hospital, she met her boss and they spent a few hours together. She assures me they are just friends. When she got home, I did not disclose that I knew she had met him. I did not disclose that I had her cell phone records. She insisted that I was being paranoid and she was not seeing anyone and we went to bed on that lie. At 5 am, I got up and went to the guest room where she started sleeping last week. I asked her about the times and locations and she denied everything and called me crazy. Then I told her what I knew and that I thought I would call the boss she was with, and call his wife to see what she thought of all this. His wife is 6 months pregnant. My wife keeps complaining we have too much sex but at once a month with me, I am not the problem. After an hour of playing "what do you know", she finally admitted she was with him BUT they are just friends!! I am crushed to say the least. For 6 months she has been telling me that I am paranoid, crazy, controlling, distrusting and every other name you can think of. Last night, before I disclosed what I knew, she told me I needed mental health treatment to get rid of my paranoia. We have a 6 year old and through all of the hurt, I still love her. I actually contacted our health insurance last week to get authorization for counseling treatment because she had convinced me I was losing it. I went to my doctor on Wednesday to get a prescription for an antidepressant!  Anyone have any comments?

Vailbear,
I, too, am very sorry for what you are going through.  My husband lied to me about his affair for quite some time and made me feel like I was crazy.  This continued even when I confronted him with undeniable proof.  For me, the lies and manipulation were almost worse than the cheating itself.

However, after reading a number of books and attending the LovePath 911 seminar, I now understand why he lied.  Don't get me wrong - in noway does this knowledge excuse what he did.  There is no excuse for the affair or the lies.  But, with knowledge comes understanding, and with understanding comes acceptance, and with acceptance comes healing.  Please understand that by "acceptance" I do not mean that you condone her actions or allow them to continue.  I simply mean that you can say, "OK - this happened and I cannot change what happened in the past, but I can make changes to prevent it from happening in the future."

I can certainly understand how you could read this and think, "I can never accept what she has done!"  Trust me, I can completely understand that.  I thought the same thing and it has taken me some time to get to this point.  I am not going to sugar-coat this - it is not easy and it takes a lot of work, but it is definitely worth it.

Do not give up hope.  You, your wife, and your marriage can be healed.
Blessings to you!   

Vailbear,
 You are receiving good advise and sympathy. I too, know your pain. At this point the ONLY thing you feel like you can do is "Just breath". Because now you KNOW. You are seeing what is driving her, who is influencing her and who your enemy is (Satan).
 **You are not crazy***
 I should not advise you. I can only tell you what happened to me.....
  I prayed and fasted for three days. With the help of God, I did not show my anger. I learned that I was not in control of her, her decisions or her future. I leaned on God for strength and a new life. She liked what she saw in me and came back.

 Pray brother, he will lead.
 As well as what the others have said.

Jnewt,

I'm so sorry to hear about your wife. The good news (if you choose to see it) is that she ended it and is still married to you. You asked about the LP 911 workshop. It's not hard at all to get into the workshop, all you have to do is call 866-903-0990 and ask for more information and to register. The next one coming up is Dec. 18-20.

And about her maybe not wanting to come...almost all the couples that come at least one of them doesn't want to be there. But by the end of the weekend, miracles happen. So, call in and talk to someone more in depth about it!

Joanna

I don't know who CindyJo is, but the advice I've seen from her in this forum usually is right on.

Anyone have any idea how we can stop these affairs from ever happening?