I am new to the forum and just seeking any kind of advice for my situation. Here is what has happened in as short as I can write it.

My wife and I married almost 13 years ago. Our marriage was like any other with ups and a few downs but overall I thought it was good. My wife struggled with some depression issues since I met her but she would take medicine and it wasn't a problem. Then in March she told me she hadn't been happy in years and told me the problems she had. In particular I wasn't around enough due to work and she wanted a child. I immediately began changing my ways and we began planning on having a child which started with her having a small surgery. She acted like and said she was happier and I thought our marriage was the best it had been in many years.

Then at the end of June I came home from work one night to a note that she had left. I didn't understand. For six weeks I listened to her tell me about all the things I did wrong. She told me she was staying with her brother in Illinois and that she wasn't ever coming back but she didn't file for divorce. Of course when she left she lost her good job and we had to file for bankruptcy. I used that as an opportunity to put off divorce and try to go to counseling, which we did.

About six weeks after she left I checked her phone records and saw the day before she left she and her old high school exchanged 176 texts and 700 in July. I called and confronted her and she said they were just friends but I knew she was lying. I did some more investigating and found out the weekend before she left instead of going on her work trip like I thought, she went to see him and she finally admitted it. Although I thought she was still staying with her brother until I found some more proof that she had been living with the OM since mid July. She had lied to me, all her friends and family too and even the counselor. It is the opposite of her character to cheat and lie and everyone was shocked, especially me.

On Labor Day weekend she finally came to get her stuff out of the house and we talked. I asked her why he was special and she said because he listens to her and wants to do things with her. I asked her multiple times if she was happy and she looked and the ground and mumbled yes. Keep in mind she went from a really nice job as a director at a large day care to working at McDonalds and living in a tiny one bedroom shack with the OM and sometimes his 2 kids while living in a town where she knows nobody. She barely packed up anything when she left, just a few boxes and tubs and most of her stuff is still in the house. She said she doesn't have the money for a storage unit and she says money is also the reason she hasn't filed for divorce. Then she cried when she left.

I begged and pleaded her to come back until I found out she cheated and was living with him. Since then the contact has been minimal although I have told her I would take her back. I haven't spoke to her in over two weeks but I have sent her two emails. The first not being anything but contradicting some things she said while she was home and the second telling her I could forgive her and take her back.

Everyone tells me I don't deserve her but I can't help it. I love her and would forgive her as stupid as it is. I'm also trying not to contact her but each day that passes it seems like there is a smaller chance she will ever return. Hence the emails. She is stubborn and will never admit she is wrong although I can tell what she has done is bothering her. I'm finding it hard to move on and I'm not sure what to do. I have set an appointment with an attorney to file for divorce but I'm not sure that is what is the right thing to do. I don't want a divorce but I also don't want to enable your affair. Please, any help would be appreciated.

I have been told that I should expose her affair. I'm not sure this is the best option. Her parents know her side as does the OMs ex-wife but I don't know if I should tell my side or not. I have not spoken to her in 3 weeks and haven't contacted her whatsoever in 2 weeks. I'm trying to move on without her but if I expose the affair I'm afraid I would just look weak again.

Thank you David. I have thought long and hard about what I did wrong in my marriage and I have been working on some things and know what to do right in other areas. I have also been attending church regularly and am in the best shape I have been in since college. I haven't filed for divorce and have had no contact with her in one month. However Monday is our 13 year wedding anniversary and I'm not sure if I should call her or email her or just ignore it and see how she responds. I know it will be a difficult day either way.

I sent a letter similar to what you suggested and as expected I didn't get a response. Well, until today when she said she is bringing a uhaul to get the rest of her stuff. Not exactly the response I was looking for. The last month she acts as if I am dead and when she messages me that she was coming to get her stuff the message was cold. I hate the way this is going, thats for sure.

I'm not supporting her financially. As a matter of fact after her last post we talked on the phone since I was not going to be at the home when she wanted to get her stuff. After an initial cold conversation we talked a little and I asked her how she was doing. Her normal response to this question is that she was happy but today she just said "well, you know..." and went on to tell me how much she hated her job and never once mentioned the OM.

I also find it funny that she has money to get a u haul and rent a storage unit for things she doesn't need and hasn't needed for three months yet doesn't have the money to file for divorce that she claims to have wanted since she left. It seems to me it is just a reaction to the letter I sent for our anniversary. And she let me talk her out of coming way too easily.

Ok so my story is almost the same, I was with my husband for 14 years, married 11 this past September.

We have 2 children, whom I stayed home and raised for 7 years, my husband was never happy where  ever we were so we moved to 3 different states in 4 years. We are back home now, my oldest son is 8 and has been in 6 different schools.

I did not want to move to AZ when we did, but my husband insisted. I thought I was being the good wife and went along.

When we moved back to MD we had made a decision as a couple to send our children to a private school. When that happened, I needed to find work. When I started working my husband made strange comments like you are just doing this so you can make enough money to leave me, the following year he was saying, just go find a rich man to take care of you. I guess I should tell you that I am a real estate agent, and I dont have to tell you how I did not make as much money and as quickly as he would have liked me to.

So come the end of Feb of 2011, he told me he was miserable. He told me that we grew apart, we were on different paths.   I had many networking events that I attended and he would stay home and watch the kids. So he felt like he was just a babysitter.  SO now he is so miserable.

So on May 1, he had made arrangements to move into a friends house, and I had a friend who needed a place to live, so he kept complaining so I told him to go then. By the second week of June he was on and online dating site, the first woman he met, he instantly started telling he loved her to. He has neglected his children, he will be on the phone with the girlfriend and not answer our calls, and when he is with her he will not answer either. The children are very hurt.

But now it has been 7 months since he has been gone, when all of this started I never thought I would want him back. But I turned to God, I go to therapy and I have met many wonderful people who support me in my decision.

There has been so much emotional and mental abuse done to me and the kids by this man. He only sees his kids every other weekend. When he does that they spend the weekend at his parents house, where his mother is the one who is taking care of the kids. Most of the time I say thank God, but he does not see how the kids feel everyday.

SO this past weekend we went to a family therapist the two of us, who said we could work on our problems and we were fixable. We were told that my husband is suffering from depression, along with his diabetes and he is not making clear choices. I want to save my marriage, my husband acted as if he would try, and then he told me the next day no way.

Then on Wednesday he told me he would consider, and he was going to get individual therapy, but that same night he was on the phone with his girlfriend again and would not answer our call. So I text him, I told him I feel like he is leading me on. I don't think its fair what he is doing to me or his girlfriend! He came back and said that we are broken and can't be fixed.

His signals are so unclear to me. For my kids sake I want to bring their father home, I have made many changes in myself, I am willing to to what it takes to make this right.

SO my question is have I lost him forever?? If I have, I am very sad. If I haven't how do I get him away from this woman???