I am going thru the same thing. My husband began having an affair about a year ago not even a year into our marriage... I was devastated. We seperated for 3 months, and decided to try and work it out. It has been extremely hard as u may know because your angry, but you don't want to chase them off. I began seeing a therapist shortky after I found out, and he helped my cope with all of my feelings. He also taught me that if I'm gonna forgive I can't tell him I forgive him when I don't, because actions speak louder than words. And if I say I forgive him and I treat him like I'm mad and continuously accuse him, he will eventually become resentful. It wasn't until today that I realized he's grieving. I asked y he doesn't want to have sex anymore and he said I don't want to have sex. That's what got us where we are now. I asked him is it me? He replied he wanted to have sex with me, but he had to go to work. I knew then he was grieving. I accepted that he was friends with the OW, and though I don't like it, he chose to fight for us, and not be with her. He's been throwing himself into work, and trying to get us a bigger place, using that and being tired as his excuse.. but I know him. At one time when we were dating, he had 3 jobs and went to school and we still made love multiple times a day. I can understand where he is coming from because three years into our relationship, I cheated for one year with a coworker. Although we only had sex 3x, I was emotionally attached. Idk if it was love, but my feelings were strong and ii withdrew from my bf at the time. After it ended, I admit I was kind of depressed even tho he never found out and I chose to be with him. I was depressed because I didn't know whether I chose the right person, or if I should even be single and date around. I stayed with him while I made up my mind because I didn't want to risk ending it, realizing it was a mistake n then he move on. Eventually I got over my feelings n we were in paradise again. We had our son, and then got married. But the problems eventually grew because I never worked out my feelings. I became depressed and withdrawn because he wasn't working, and I wasn't making much. We were living in my parents basement and he was staying out late to avoid our daily arguments. Last year Aug, the affair began. I confronted the OW after I saw a text from her saying she loved him. He confessed and admitted he had strong feelings for her. They had been having sex and I eventually learned the condom broke one time when they had sex, having a pregnancy scare. I was devastated but I saw past it eventually because tho I cheated b4 marriage, the guilt still eats me alive and I know how something so foolish could have started as an innocent ego stroke... ur wife also maybe depressed due to the drama in ur marriage caused by her affair. I'm going to give my husband time and I believe u should do the same. They are grieving.

It is possible to recover from an affair.  It takes time and it takes both parties be willing to make an honest effort at restoring the trust, communication, etc.  I am living proof it can happen.  After I had my affair, I was disgusted with myself. I was full of guilt and felt like I didn't deserve to be loved.  I was ashamed.  In a way, I feel that I was punishing myself for the hurt that I caused.  Don't give up on her.

That is truly my dilemma.  I want to find a very good psychologist or psychiatrist to determine whether my inclination to believe my husband is a narcissist is valid or not. He seems to lie about many things and he always has to be the one talking over anyone else in a conversation.  If he has the personality disorder....enslaved by selfishness....I don't want to spend anymore time wasting away.  Am I wrong?