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Author Topic: Wife won'ts stop her affair, I am ready to divorce  (Read 3295 times)
dimitrios5
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« on: December 12, 2009, 01:38:40 AM »
I have been married 13 years.   I am a christian (and so was my wife).   She was a stay at home mom who just started working 6 months ago.  She met a coworker and started an affair.  I know she has feelings for him (saw text messeges).   I have asked her to end it, and she has lied and more than once saying she has, but it is still continuing.
She is only in the marriage and not seeking divorce because she fears losing the kids.    I love her and believe it is the right thing to save the marriage.  I probably can forgive her but she is not willing to make it work and is cold and distant to me.   I have been praying and praying and read Gods word constantly, there is still no change.   I want to divorce but I do still love her.  Do I give up or continue to fight a losing battle. Help.
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drr
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« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2009, 08:27:03 AM »
Have you suggested counseling? Maybe if you guys attend counseling it might help. I am sorry for your situation. I am in a similar situation.  God bless, Di
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Joanna
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« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2009, 08:24:04 AM »
Dimitrios,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation! If I may suggest trying to get your wife to come to the LovePath workshop. There are so many couples that come through the workshop where one is involved with someone else. So, your situation is one that can be fixed. The workshop has a 77% success rate in saving marriages. So, every 3 out of 4 that walk throught the door will be saved. Even the ones that are involved in affairs.

Why don't you call the office Monday morning and ask for Marty. He can talk with you and answer any questions you might have and also register you and your wife for an upcoming workshop. I will tell you that the December workshop only, is $300 off! But you have to register by December 16th...that's this coming Wednesday. So call Marty @ 866-903-0990 and he will talk with you about this.

And Di, the same goes for you! If you will call Marty on Monday as well, he can talk with you about this too. I am so sorry to hear that your marriage is in a similar place. But, God works miracles and don't think He can't work one in your marriage as well.

We're praying for both of you!

Joanna

 
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Jackie-Jhonson
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« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2009, 05:59:36 AM »
Well, I don't think you lost here...what did you do to get her back to you? You have to make her see that with you it's much better than with the OM, than she'll want you back!
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Joanna
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« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2009, 07:08:41 AM »
It's not that easy to just "make her see it's better to stay." And Jackie, I'm not discounting what you said. In some cases that does work, but in most it takes a lot more. We have some friends who are going through a situation very similar, the only difference is they haven't been married 13 years and it's not a coworker. The husband has tried everything to make her see that she's got a great life at home and doesn't need to continue the affair. She's not seeing it. She doesn't want to see it, that's the problem. They are going to counseling, but her eyes are "closed" to trying to work on her marriage. So, in most cases, it takes a lot more than just trying to convince your spouse.

I'm not trying to make it sound impossible. It isn't! I've seen couples who were already divorcing, end up working it out. So Dimitrios, don't give up! And look into coming to the workshop I told you about. It will help both of you so much if you can get your wife to agree to come.
 
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dimitrios5
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« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2009, 09:56:13 AM »
This affair has been going on for about 3 to 4 months.   I found out about it a month ago.   When I first found out, I was angry and was going to divorce.   I left the house for 2 weeks.   My thinking was, she will realize what we have together, she will miss me, and want to be back with me.  This approach was about:  people tend to run away from what chases you, but they run after what eludes them.   It didnt work out that way, she missed me to a degree but no enough to brake the affair.   She told me it was over when I got back, but it's not.  I keep finding proof that it continues she keeps denying it.   She goes out every weekend with her friends (is what she claims) while I watch the kids.  I have tried but can't stop her (some really big fights have happened because of this).   My approach now is to win her back by showing my love to her.  I have written her poems, and have sent flowers to her work.  She was happy when she received flowers and has been more nice to me as of late.  But  I am convinced that not only is the affair continuing she  is deeply in love with this person (or atleast that is what she thinks, personaly I think, she is in love with the escaping of everyday problems and living in fantasy).    One minute I say to myself thats it , its over I want to divorce her, the next minute, I think, things will get better, she will leave him, just stick it out.   I have leaned on God and scripture, I am waiting on the Lord with faith and obedience hoping he will have the devil lose his grip on my wife.  Thanks for all your replies, it helps to talk to other people.  May God Bless.
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JoeBeam
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« Reply #6 on: January 12, 2010, 03:39:11 PM »
If you get a chance, pick up a copy of Your LovePath and read chapter four. It will explain a lot about why she is doing the thing she is doing.

Also, I think you would benefit from Dobson's book Tough Love.
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